Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Charlie Gets Out-Crazied

If you are science-y, like me,
then you know this diagram
shows how the earth's shift
makes pizza calorie-free.

Well, it actually took The Universe to out-crazy Charlie Sheen.  It is a big crazy disastrous mess in Japan right now.  I don't want to mix up my terms or chemicals, so I will just say that there is a lot of crap overheating and exploding in several nuclear plants in Japan.  For those of you who are un-science-y, that's not good.  Joking aside, I of course am saddened for the Japanese people and hope they get all the support and help they need (under it all, we are very sensitive and mature here at DTC).

I think it is kind of interesting, and would probably make a good study about human nature, that the first thing we start doing during stuff like this is measuring and comparing.  We have heard about how bad this earthquake is and how it compares to others before it.  We have heard how much the earth's plates have shifted and how much more that is than during the last giant earthquake in Japan.  Today the buzz was that the earth's axis has shifted as a result, making Japan about a blink closer to us.  Also, as a result, the day is now .8 microseconds shorter (I think I got that number right).

Why do you think we feel compelled to spend time and money to measure this kind of stuff?  Are scientists using the information to keep this from happening again?  No, they're not.  Basically, all they can  do with this information is to shake their collective heads and say "Yeah, earthquakes and tsunamis are kind of bad for the planet's stability, you guys should try to not let them happen."

If you find my head preserved
like this, there's a problem.

In some other crazy news, this guy in Tombstone, Arizona was just arrested for allowing his mother's corpse to decompose for a year and not mentioning to anyone she had died.  The headline made it seem like this was a horror movie producer and that he might have been living with his dead mother all year.  By the end of the article you find out that he wasn't a producer, he was just a shy, private, nice guy in a small town, who upon finding his mother dead, in her own home, left her there and told no one because he was so upset and couldn't deal with it.  The man doesn't appear to have been involved at all in her death and the police are likely to drop charges. 

While sad and a little weird, not really that newsworthy.  Here's the crazy part (which no one seems to be taking note of but me), it took government officials a year to notice there might be something amiss.  Officials notified Tombstone's marshal that he should go check on this woman because she hadn't cashed her welfare checks - IN A YEAR!!!  It took them a whole year to notice this?  And, no one in town saw her all year either or thought anything of it.  Just an FYI - if you don't see or hear from me for a few days or more, come looking.  Don't wait all year.  You know I could never be incommunicado for too long ( I have a lot to say), so if you don't hear from me, there's a problem.

She's a good size, but I think
she could maybe use
Shirley Feeney's Hubba
 Hubba Heiney.

In more minor, but still a little crazy news (clearly due to the earth's shifting axis), there was a picture of Kesha (no $, you know my policy) in an exceptionally ill-fitting bikini.  PopEater referred to it as retro and didn't say anything mean about her.  They didn't even mention that she looked a little fat.  Crazier than that, I realized, that while the suit did nothing for her and was ugly, she wasn't fat.  She actually is a normal size.  So, in an unusual twist of events, I have nothing to say about Kesha except to compliment her for being a regular human size.


  1. On the "gone for a year" front, I just received a statement from Wachovia bank that your grandfather, the one who died in 2009, has $.09 in his account. You understand that it cost money to have someone print that, put it in an envelope and put a $.44 stamp on it. A mailman had to carry it and put it in my mailbox. What the hell is wrong with people? It also says that there will be a charge for accounts under $5.00!!! Perhaps a study on the working habits of bank people is in order.


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