Monday, January 16, 2012

Tay Swizzle

Tay Swizzle makes me think
of Twizzlers, but they are
not the same thing.
Okay, the title has absolutely nothing to do with what I am going to write, I just had to use it because I like saying it in my head.  And, for anyone who isn't in 8th grade and/or doesn't know an 8th grader, Tay Swizzle is teen-speak for Taylor Swift.  I am not bothered by nor impressed by Taylor, so I have nothing further to add on this topic, but I do like saying Tay Swizzle.  Moving on.

I was really excited to get so many e-mails requesting STFU aka "Unicorn" bracelets!  AND...some of you guys said really nice things and think I am funny.  I am completely loving you and have begun ignoring all the little people here in my real world who don't realize how unimportant they are in comparison to me.  As usual, The Party doesn't really get it.

Me:  I got a bunch of e-mails saying nice things and asking for bracelets.
Party:  How much did those bracelets cost?
I answer
Party:  How much will it cost in postage?
I estimate and answer.  I ignore smirk from Party
Me:  Think of it as a fan appreciation gift.
Party:  Fan appreciation?  Of course people will be nice, you said you were giving them something free.
Me:  You're stupid.
Me:  If people didn't think the bracelets were hysterical/fun they wouldn't care if they were free.  Duh.

Conversation ends before anyone is injured; probably because The Party knows he's stupid and was embarrassed.  PS - He was happy to have his free bracelet though, wasn't he?  PPS - Yes, I know it wasn't technically free to him, but whatever.  He wanted a bracelet and knows they are awesome.  And, I didn't have to pay postage to get him his.

Also, as an aside, my mother made fun of me getting the bracelets and said I needed one that said "TMFT" (too much free time), but please make a note that she too couldn't wait to get her bracelet.  Because it's freaking hysterical to wear a bracelet that says "STFU."

Last thing on the bracelets - if you e-mailed me for one, you should have gotten an e-mail back from me saying it's on the way.  If you haven't heard from me, please send another e-mail.   Also, I can see why some of you are anxious to get anything in the mail - it seems like some of you live in places that probably don't even get mail on a daily basis.  How did you even get there?  Are you being held captive and your request for a bracelet is a secret cry for help?  Blink once for yes and we will send someone to get you.

Now those are twins!
I have no good segue into this next thing, so we'll just pretend it was a smooth transition.  I have been extremely troubled at this article about "twins."   The headline says "Twins Born 5 years apart".  Of course I want to see that because, well, duh.  Who doesn't want to hear how a woman delivered one baby and then was pregnant for 5 more years with the other?  Did the 2nd twin not develop right away?  Was the little embryo just floating around in limbo in there and then started to grow?  Inquiring minds wanted to know.  Well, let me tell you - the whole thing was a scam.  Worse, it's written like it was some kind of scientific miracle, which, PS, it wasn't!

This woman, via fertility treatment, had 5 embryos ready to go.  2 were implanted and resulted in one baby, born 5 years ago.  Then she had the other 3 implanted and gave birth to her second child.  She was in awe throughout her second pregnancy that she would be giving birth to child #1's twin.  Shut up.  That is not child #1's twin.  It is the same as if you had two separate "regular" conceptions.  Just because you fertilized your eggs all at once, doesn't make those babies twins.  If they put half of an embryo that split into her at two different times, then she would have been delivering twins 5 years apart.  If more than one implanted embryo "takes" inside the mother at the same time and results in two babies, I'll call that twins.  This is bullshit.

In further Whistle.Smack. news, here is a quote from Steven Tyler:
"I may come off as a sexual animal, and I definitely am on stage, 'cause trust me, I feel it myself. But I'm not really, really that. I'll sing about it, I put it out there, but I'm not. I'd like to go on a schtupping spree and screw every girl I see, that would want to have me, who wouldn't? But I don't. I want (Erin) for my own, and if that's gonna take that away from it, I don't (do it)." -- Steven Tyler

He is so yucky.  Basically, he is saying that he's willing to be monogamous so his fiance (who appears younger than his children) won't break up with him, not because he loves her more than anyone in the world and can't imagine being intimate with anyone else.  He's a real charmer.

He looks sooo much better
like this.  He would have
never gotten famous if he
looked the other way to
start out.
The Boy has now been driving for almost 2 weeks.  He hasn't killed himself or anyone else, so we are happy with that.  He keeps forgetting to text me when he gets places, so any minute now he's going to lose driving to school for a day and that will probably cure him.  It has been pretty cool not to have to take him back and forth from places, so I am trying to focus on that.

I did not watch the Golden Globes, so I have nothing to say about them.  I did see pictures of some of the best and worst dresses.  Some people seem to not own mirrors.  I heard Ashton Kutcher shaved and cut his hair.  If that is news, I am assuming that world peace has been achieved and cancer cured.

Oh yeah - I got invited (it's exclusive, you can't just join) to join Pinterest.  I have no freaking clue what is going on over there.  Even less of a clue than I have about Twitter.  I still am not feeling the ultimate beauty of Twitter.  I am trying to get a grasp on all these things so I won't be lying when I tell The Party that I am an internet sensation.  I am still going to tell him it, I just want to not lie if I can.  It's not really a must though.  He won't know the difference (and Mom don't go running to tell him).


  1. 1. Am I now famous?
    2. Your mind never ceases to amaze me.
    3. I LOVE the Party.
    4. I gave my bracelet to Cathy, so I need a new
    5. None of my friends will wear one.
    6. Still researching TMFT bracelet for you.
    Your mother loves you.

  2. Thank you for the invite to Pinterest. I still have no idea what it is or how to use it or if I want to experience more feelings of inadequacy. However, I am excited for my bracelet, which I am getting in about 10 hours, in person, so no postage, Party! xoxo bc
    ps: I did watch the Globes and they were a big snore. Cudos, though, to Octavia. That was the only award that I was happy about. And Tay Swizzle is ok ... better than most at that age.

  3. As for Steven Tyler, I love hearing him sing, but if I saw him sitting in my living room I'd probably scream from fear and sick my dog on him. *shudder* He probably has mic scarves older than his fiance.
    You know I'm not on the Twitter bandwagon. Pinterest has "tons of cool craft ideas" according to people I know who adore it. Pictures of what they made and sometimes steps on how to do it. I have tons of cool craft ideas in my head that I don't have time to do, so I'm not on it. Enjoy it!

  4. OOHH...Do you still have bracelets? I want one!

    My son has been driving now for a couple of months. He's been fairly good about remember to text me to let me know he's (a) arrived or is (b) departing. And having someone to run to the store to pick up bread or milk is FANTASTIC!

    I'm on Pinterest too - look for me! It tok me a while to figure it out but I am now addicted. It's fun. Twitter, not so much.

  5. Bracelet please...or 2 if you still have enough! And I are absolutely hilarious.

  6. I don't really understand pinterest either. Also, I *cannot wait* to get the bracelets!! :D

  7. Michelle and Lisa - if you haven't already - send me an e-mail and I'll send you your bracelets.

    Oh - and hey guess what everyone - Steve Tyler's fiance is 40, so not younger than his kids, which is nice. His comment was still rude however.

  8. So I really want the bracelet and will email you. You are totally the funniest smartest blogger and I love most everything you write. And your mom is quite cool as well. And I am seriously wondering if Pinterest is paying bloggers because every single blog I have looked at in the past couple days is hyping Pinterest. And that is OK if you are getting paid. I'm all for it. But I am the one person (apparently) in the entire universe that is not interested. I was invited a few months ago and kind of cruised it a little but I guess it is just not my thing?

  9. I will be looking for your email. Thanks for all the kind words. (And no, hecklers, I didn't have to pay her). Oh - and please do not encourage my mother. :)

    As for getting paid by Pinterest - bahahaha. They probably prefer to pay people who understand the point of their website. I am more likely to get a letter instructing me to stop mentioning their name.

  10. I am one of those people that live in the hinterlands, and have never met you. Please tell The Party that I would still say nice things about you and think you are hilarious even without the free bracelet (which I anticipate arriving in my mailbox any day now!) Since discovering your blog, I no longer refer to people as smartasses. Instead, when they make a smartass comment, I simply say, "And that's why they don't send donkeys to college!"

  11. I'm so excited my bracelet is on its way. And really, what does that say about my life? But, I've spent the last two days searching through poop for two tiny marbles swallowed by my two children (you'd think the older one would have common sense, but no!), so a STFU bracelet coming my way is awesomely cool!

    1. you might also need a "marbles aren't food" bracelet. Good luck with the poop thing. I can only assume Unicorn bracelet will be a funner part of your week. :)

  12. We are looking forward to our bracelets! Sorry to encourage your mother but I can see where you inherited your sharp wit!

    My daughter hasn't even started driver's ed yet and is already talking about driving to school next fall and even driving me to work if she needs my truck...ummm not unless she has spiked Mommy's juice with Valium.

  13. One *blink* from Omaha! haha It'll get better once I have my bracelet!! You should go on a DTC blog tour. Make Omaha your first stop, nobody comes to Omaha...then you'll have firsthand knowledge of why...

    1. Hey now, I've been to Omaha and YOUR ZOO ROCKS!!! Also, Old Town is very fun for people watching.

  14. Heh... you were probably talking about me living in the middle of nowhere. I did get my bracelet, my 15 year old daughter has been wearing it. My husband didn't get it but I didn't bother trying to explain it to him. I love your blog - it always makes me laugh!

    1. Remember - blink once if you need someone to save you.

      There is no point trying to explain things to husbands - it's like teaching a pig to sing - it wastes your time and annoys the pig. :)

      Thanks for the blog love! xo


Popular Posts