Wednesday, October 28, 2015

What the Hey!? I'm Just Tryna Get a Soda! or #TheStruggleIsReal

That is just the
There is this new-fangled thing that I don't know if you guys have seen.  My cousin referred to as a "freestyle" soda machine.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  The giant monstrosity of a soda machine that has a whole potpourri of choices and buttons and if you push the wrong thing you can accidentally go back in time (No, not a TARDIS, dorks.  Pay attention, I didn't say it looked like a phone booth).

It is a never ending labyrinth of buttons.  You want a Coke?  Great!  Do you want ice?  Do you want it to be Diet Coke?  Do you want caffeine?  Do you want flavor in your Coke?  What flavor?  A lot or a little?  Would you like to know the top 5 flavor choices people have made in the last 11 days?  What size cup are you using?  Is the cup placed in the correct filling location?  Did you call your mother this week?  Did you eat a piece of fruit today?  It's never ending!!!

SEE!!  And that's not even the end!!  You still have
to input your blood type and when you had your last mammogram.
Please note, the needed NFM button is nowhere.
This is entirely too much pressure and stress and work for a soda.  What they need is a
Never Fucking Mind button so you can leave and just go get a bottle of water.  Honestly, the machine "boasts" 100 drink choices.  You know what, stop boasting.  Did you ever hear of a little thing called Less is More?  And does anyone ever clean that thing out? By the end of the day any soda you choose has to taste like one big disgusting blend of all the flavors (like when you try to make tea after coffee in the Keurig).

I am well aware that there may possibly be some more pressing world issues, but those are mostly out of my control (Trump's hair and fake tan for one).  I feel that if we all band together, we can, FOR FREE, hassle the soda industry via the internet and get back real soda machines.  What's the down side here?  A free form of entertainment AND social change for us - perfect!

Quality of life issues should not be dismissed.  If we can fix this problem, there's no stopping
This could be any teenage bagger.
She thinks you just have to
wave the bags and food will
jump in on its own?
us.  We can probably find a way to get supermarkets to teach their teenage staff to load grocery bags in a way that doesn't make you want to punch them as you leave the store.  But let's not get carried away just yet.

So, let me know how your local campaigns go to rid the world of the scourge that is freestyle soda machines.

The End.

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