Sunday, February 24, 2013

Harlem Shake has nothing to do with the Harlem Globetrotters

Maybe they are all laughing
because they're watching Scooby
 and Scrappy and a fake ghost do
the Harlem Shake.
I have been steadfast in my refusal to find out about the Harlem Shake.  I kept hearing about it.  I  knew it was some sort of new silly thing.  But, honestly, I just didn't care enough to look into it.  Every time I heard anyone mention it, or saw it on line, Harlem Globetrotter's is what came to mind and then their little whistle-y song would run through my head.  Then I would picture Meadowlark Lemon as a cartoon on Scooby Doo.

Last night though, I had to break down and find out.  So, for anyone else who didn't know, here's what it is:  one person dances around all silly and crazy (to the Harlem Shake) while everyone else just stands around pretending not to notice. Then, when the second part of the song starts you suddenly see everyone dressed up crazy and dancing.  The whole thing lasts about 30 seconds.

I think this is supposed to be hysterically funny.  The beauty is lost on me, mostly.  The only reason I even had to know what it was is that SB and her friends made a Harlem Shake video.  She didn't tell me.  The Party did.  I came home the other night and he told me that SB and her friends had stopped by the family room in crazy costumes (PS - finally getting some use out of several years worth of Halloween costumes that SB won't give away) and just stood staring at him.  So, of course, he says "Yes?  Can I help you?"  SB says "We're making a Harlem Shake video" and then girls all just walked away and went to the basement.

Below is their video.  You can go to YouTube and find about a kazillion more.  They are all pretty much the same.  The only one I saw that made me laugh was done by a news team.  While they were reporting on the trend, we, the viewer, were suddenly watching a Shake video with the news team in it.  SB's made me laugh because she is really not a crazy dance person (Please note, SB is not the front and center dancer, because that would be ridiculous.  If you ever see her front and center in a dance video, you will know she's drunk and you should let me know).  I imagine this is what's funny about most of the videos - it's funny if you know the people doing it.  If I could get my mom and her friends do it, I think that would be funny.

Anyhoo, now you are totally caught up on the most current thing in Pop Culture.  You're welcome.

Oh, btw, if you actually know SB or any of her friends in real life, be a pal and don't mention you saw the video.  They have posted it publicly on YouTube, but apparently, no one is supposed to watch it.  No, I don't understand, I'm not a teenaged girl.

Picture the little Globe
Kid practicing while the
others are dancing.
OMG - brilliant idea!  Harlem Shake WITH the Harlem Globetrotters! But kind of a backwards version.  One guy is practicing shooting and the rest are dressed up dancing.  Then, when the music changes, they are all suddenly in basketball uniforms doing Globetrotter basketball tricks and whatnot.  This is an amazing Globetrotter marketing idea.  I should totally send it in to them.  I really don't get how I am not rich or don't have my own TV show.

Monday, February 11, 2013

For Those Of You Who Read A Book Instead

I don't even know what
she's supposed to be doing.
And why do those stilt
guys have umbrellas?
 The Grammy Awards were last night.  Overall, I think the show was pretty entertaining.  It moved along at a good pace and didn't waste too much time actually presenting that many awards.  I feel like maybe they awarded 10 the whole night.  I'm sure it was more, but the focus didn't seem to be on handing out statues on TV.  I assume this is because watching someone else win an award and give an awkward speech isn't all that entertaining.  (PS - this is not an actual fact, but I bet 90% of the Grammy awards were awarded prior to the actual telecast.  Perhaps they are giving too many awards if they can't fit them all on to a 4-hour show).

There was a lot of Facebook hate for Taylor Swift and her opening number.  Settle down people.  She's not that troubling.  A little saccharine, but she's harmless.  Taylor, Justin Bieber, One Direction, Carly Rae Jepson...all entertaining to the teen/tween set (and way better than Kesha if you ask me).  In my opinion, however, they fall into the "Entertainer" category, not the "Musician" category.  That said, Taylor looked a lot more animated singing along with the other acts from her seat than she did on stage.  And, I don't know what was up with the acid trip-inspired all white circus entourage around her.

I am telling you, from the front,
every time she jumped, you
could see actual boob.  But, no
nipple, so I guess that was okay.
Even if you are not a Bruno Mars fan, you have to give him credit.  He can actually sing and he did a bang up job performing - 3 years in a row.  This year's Bruno performance was introduced as an ode to reggae/Bob Marley.  He sang "Locked out of Heaven," which totally sounds like a Police song.  Bam!  Out comes Sting to sing with him.  Turns out, Sting's music was reggae-inspired.  Who knew?  (Some of you might have, I hadn't ever given it any thought).  Anyway, the whole thing then segued into a Bob Marley song with lots of other singers (including some other Marleys).  They did a great job, but I really could only focus on the fact that it really looked like Rhianna's boobs were unquestionably popping out of the bottom of her shirt.

Speaking of boobage, it turns out that the Grammys had a dress code.  "Don't come naked and make sure your nipples are in your dress" was the main rule.  You would think that would go without saying, but apparently not.  The night was considered a success because it was a "no nipple" night.  It was, however, okay to wear a giant dress that lit up and did weird arty things.

It's not even a cool head
band.  And in front of
him was a screen with
Forrest Gump running
legs.  Why? Why
would you do that?
The non-successful part of the evening?  Frank Ocean, who so should have picked a different song, wearing a Forrest Gump headband and giving a weird, bring-the-fun-and-momentum-to-a-screaming-halt performance.  Also, I'm only giving a C+ to LL's finale.  I think he should have done a medley of all the songs people like.  And, he usually performs in way less clothing than that.

1.  If you didn't watch, you missed a few good performances, but your life will probably go on without any adverse effects.
2.  Justin Timberlake now has straight hair and I bet he had a keratin treatment, which I think seems a little girly.  I don't know why, it just does.
3.  I love Adam Levine, but he should not have sung with Alicia Keys.
4.  Tim McGraw's hat was too big and cast a shadow over his whole face.  He looked like a caricature of a bad guy.
5.  Prince is now blind and robs houses -but still adds flair to his outfits.
6.  Very awesome Levon Helm (The Band) tribute - they did The Weight.

I think you are all caught up.  If you are planning on missing the Oscars, however, you're on your own.  I never think they are interesting enough to watch and they always insist on doing an interpretive dance rendition of all the movie nominations, which makes my eyes bleed.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Why Do I Always Have To Be The Normal One?

I couldn't find
any baby shampoo
ads with
adults in them.
Go figure.
We have another incident similar to the rubber gloves and hand soap incidents.  If you don't know/recall to what I am referring, you can read up on it here.  This time it involved shampoo.

The Party:  How come you never buy baby shampoo?
Me:  Because we don't have any babies.  Is this a trick question?
Party:  I love baby shampoo.
Me:  Why do you love baby shampoo?
Party:  Because it makes your hair soft and shiny and smell like babies.

As you know, there is really nothing I can say to this.  If he had mentioned any time in the last 10-12 years since I stopped buying baby shampoo that he wanted some, I would have bought it.  Further, he does have a car and access to money, so he could have made the purchase himself at any time.  I also am not sure why he wants his hair to smell like babies since he can't smell his own hair.  If he likes the smell, you would think he'd want me to use baby shampoo.

They plan to get married?  I
guess so!  She hasn't really
left herself too many
other choices, has she?
I will say that Party seems waaaaayyyyy  more normal when compared to the guy who just tattooed his name across his new girlfriend's face.  The only person more ridiculous than this guy is the girl who let him do it.  It takes up her whole face!  WTF!?  Did I mention they had just met in person after starting a relationship on line?  Hey kids - this is why it's bad to do drugs!!  Honestly, why didn't she just tattoo across her forehead "I hope to be permanently unemployed?"  Someone needs to take away this guy's tattoo equipment.  Oh - and PS - he didn't even spell his own name right!  Double whistle.  And smack in the back of the head. 

In unrelated, but exciting news...Boy got his first letter from college today!  He got into University of Connecticut.  I was all happy for him, then it hit me.  I am the mother of someone who just go into college.  That is just so wrong.  I mean I just was in college like five minutes ago!  Aaaahhhhhhh!  I would show you a picture of the letter, but it looks like someone chewed on it.  No, it didn't get mangled in the mail.  Boy is completely unable to open an envelope like a regular person.  Picture a puppy (paws, no fingers) trying to open a sealed envelope.  Whatever you are picturing looks less mangled than what Boy does to envelopes.  As a result, things inside said envelopes also get roughed up.  Thank God the colleges are not aware of his disability; this would totally weigh against him.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Did You Guys Hear it's 2013?

Chinese New Year is not
until next week, so I am
actually early for wishing you
Happy New Year.
I am figuring by now most of you know, but just in's 2013.  It's also already February!  Do you guys even remember me anymore?  I'm the one with the whistle (but still no stun gun, which is total bullshit).  January was a little crazy, but I'm back.

So, here's where I've poor mother (you remember her; you've seen her down in the comments as my personal heckler/fan) was supposed to have her hip replaced.  While waiting, her own hip broke!  Insert new hip, everyone is happy.  Buzzzzzz.  There is an infection.  Out comes new hip and in goes a spacer.  You can only be partial weight bearing with that - so walker and no driving for Sue.  Oh yeah, at-home IV for 6 weeks to clear up the infection.  So after 3+ plus weeks of the hospital and rehab, my mom finally came home and is feeling more like herself, albeit having to make a lot of accommodations.  She's been quite a good sport about the whole thing, which is pretty impressive (I would NOT be a good sport).

This is how my mother will have
to shovel this winter.
And, now I am back to DTC.  I am also still writing for Babble Pets.  I have avoided being fired since October, so I'm feeling pretty good about that.  I recently did a hard-hitting piece on how animals are causing unemployment.  It's really a wonder CNN hasn't come looking for me as some kind of special correspondent.

In case I was worried that Boy and SB were overly upset by our stressful month, our exchange, recounted below, shows that I needn't have worried.  Their main worry was who would get what car in the hypothetical situation - that won't happen for at least a year and half!

Boy drives a 2006 Accord.  This is the car that The Party replaced when he got a new car about a year ago.  Please note that this car belongs to us and is no way the property of Boy (please remind Boy of that if you see him).  I tell you what kind of car it is so you can see this is not a crappy junker.  It's a perfectly nice car and Boy has been grateful to have it to drive.

Next year Boy will not take this car to college.  Next spring SB will be able to get her driver's license and will have this car to drive.  The following fall (of 2014!) we would have to decide if Boy could take car to school and if we would purchase another used car for SB to use.  Are you with me so far?  I have no idea how this will pan out.  Many factors to consider, most especially, the cost.  I have no intention of thinking about this at all until sometime next spring or summer.

My refusal to make any kind of decision is infuriating to my children who need this matter settled immediately - on principle.  Boy feels any car purchased that is nicer or newer than what he drives now should go to him due to him being the older child.  He feels it would be completely outrageous for us to consider giving SB a "better" car than he has.  Essentially, on seniority alone, he should have the "better" car.  SB cannot believe he would think something so ridiculous.  She feels that he cannot expect to always get the "better" anything just because he is older.  Further, Boy only got a once "recycled" car, if we give it to her, it would be "more recycled." 

OMG - how perfect would
this be?!  It's a stun gun
brass knuckles combo!
After several more minutes (that I will never get back) of this hypothetical conversation, SB tells Boy that he is really bad at understanding anyone else's point of view.  She then looks at me and says "It is not fair that I am forced to live in a society where I have to live in a house with all first-borns."  Really!?!?  I told SB that I did not believe this was actually a societal problem, but more of a personal problem.  I then suggested she start a support group with her Aunt and Uncle.

And this is why I need a whistle and a stun gun.  And a drink.

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