tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3201136161057231042024-03-05T17:35:21.684-05:00Donkeys To CollegeAmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.comBlogger208125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-6899967215392503572016-04-22T09:48:00.002-04:002016-04-22T13:21:59.741-04:00Outdoor Studies is a Thing<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4oIzEScK0XoFjg1mq9XvxiX7IfCwEbx7GJej0eG_mJ4RxyFEAQ5vOuMiNCeLKFEwZrVGbiPFgQ0_XxbLxGrUSkTJ3kV24BT5BxRMNjT3CbGStMtzzKaAcTW_UUwg8XJrWTmk7fO8wNqR3/s1600/blog+bear.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4oIzEScK0XoFjg1mq9XvxiX7IfCwEbx7GJej0eG_mJ4RxyFEAQ5vOuMiNCeLKFEwZrVGbiPFgQ0_XxbLxGrUSkTJ3kV24BT5BxRMNjT3CbGStMtzzKaAcTW_UUwg8XJrWTmk7fO8wNqR3/s200/blog+bear.PNG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>And this is what happens when<br />things go wrong in <br />Bear Avoidance class. </b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Apparently you can get a college degree in playing outside. Yeah, you read that right. They call it Outdoor Studies. I am sure it promises just as lucrative a future as majoring in Beer Drinking or Competitive Pizza Eating. All lots of fun, but I think the job market is limited. C'mon! Even a park ranger doesn't have to do most of the stuff these guys take classes for. For real, what job are you getting with this major? They aren't even transferable skills. Bartender at TGIFriday's doesn't have much call for Glacial Travel (that's an actual area of study within the major).</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Anyway, there were a few things I needed to discuss about this news story and it was too much to make a Facebook post out of so, <a href="http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/04/19/alaska-teacher-mauled-by-bear-during-mountaineering-class.html" target="_blank">please read article</a>, consider the following, and then report back to FB to discuss:</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">1. Back to first point - how exactly did an Outdoor Studies major come about and who was the first kid to explain to his parents (I say "his" because you know this wasn't a woman, and please note mauled professor is also not a woman) he needed a degree in backcountry navigation to move forward with his career goals?</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">2. Let's just wrap our minds around the fact that the person charged with teaching others <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPIAPFspiy34G5aLkC-l6w-4QdXok8X9H_mKJ9BVxa7D2dKk6b-bkhU3yWC6Qgq0zrmkG64L5xN4GYKCTNdX9Nb5M35nnZChA-zwEmfGOomQMHMP5l0QzdJOKLVSb3XNcDY4jxE-B0Du7k/s1600/blog+bear+2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPIAPFspiy34G5aLkC-l6w-4QdXok8X9H_mKJ9BVxa7D2dKk6b-bkhU3yWC6Qgq0zrmkG64L5xN4GYKCTNdX9Nb5M35nnZChA-zwEmfGOomQMHMP5l0QzdJOKLVSb3XNcDY4jxE-B0Du7k/s200/blog+bear+2.PNG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Some insight into how<br />things may have gone awry.</b></span></td></tr>
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how to survive in the wilderness is the person who was mauled by the bear. I truly do feel terrible that this man got hurt and is in serious condition - BUT - if the <i>expert</i> didn't know how to avoid the bear, what do you think <i>your</i> chances are!?!? Purposely interacting with nature when don't have to is akin to walking through gang territory at night banging cymbals and yelling "I am here because I want to be and you can't stop me! I am edgy and fearless! How ya like me now?!" - you are looking for trouble and you are likely to find it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">3. What's the job interview even like for professor of Playing Outside? Hey, we're gonna send you somewhere awful and perilous. If you come back alive and with at least 75% of your limbs, the job is yours. And what about final exams? "We're sorry Mr. and Mrs. Sadderson, the $100k you spent on your child's degree seems to have gone down in value as your child has been eaten by wolves. He probably shouldn't have skipped that last backcountry navigation class."</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">4. The reason humans live longer than in the past is because they stopped living outside and spending their whole lives trying not to become someone else's dinner (or get crushed by rocks, or drown, or freeze). Even homeless people don't try to go live in the wild; they work on finding a way to be back living inside, not their rock climbing and scary animal avoidance skills.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">See ya over at Facebook...and I don't want to hear how some of you love rock climbing or hunting. I bet you didn't major in it in college.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPqJ-i3KDio35Xlx1v7tzIyhEZmnirvFcZYCs9R-Jcfa2JIrjurhYU9PiZGsF9D5wsmkr-bSVEQEwD3qH5mrvEE48sFDQYNurFTus4NjgvR-Y5PLd5WQRu5b6r8i3XQ4JPwhjxO4MDoGww/s1600/blog+ice+climbing.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPqJ-i3KDio35Xlx1v7tzIyhEZmnirvFcZYCs9R-Jcfa2JIrjurhYU9PiZGsF9D5wsmkr-bSVEQEwD3qH5mrvEE48sFDQYNurFTus4NjgvR-Y5PLd5WQRu5b6r8i3XQ4JPwhjxO4MDoGww/s320/blog+ice+climbing.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Naked Ice Climbing.<br />Are you kidding me with this!?!!!?!</b></span></td></tr>
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-39200059889893497062015-10-28T21:29:00.000-04:002015-10-28T23:29:00.478-04:00What the Hey!? I'm Just Tryna Get a Soda! or #TheStruggleIsReal<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw1pOgoBJxYVy3IMY3Rtse2JkGMun-wp5K-0864pwtq4NdYaWT5RauVGp6rcR6zp027b-g8TlSbYn5iYofgW3207XXfZurMCPS4JbtOj4rvkeZUN-cckMH28dqTF2EwfAymvKCKeV0tmDf/s1600/freestyle+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw1pOgoBJxYVy3IMY3Rtse2JkGMun-wp5K-0864pwtq4NdYaWT5RauVGp6rcR6zp027b-g8TlSbYn5iYofgW3207XXfZurMCPS4JbtOj4rvkeZUN-cckMH28dqTF2EwfAymvKCKeV0tmDf/s200/freestyle+1.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>That is just the <br />FIRST SCREEN!!!</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is this new-fangled thing that I don't know if you guys have seen. My cousin referred to as a "freestyle" soda machine. Do you know what I'm talking about? The giant monstrosity of a soda machine that has a whole potpourri of choices and buttons and if you push the wrong thing you can accidentally go back in time (No, not a TARDIS, dorks. Pay attention, I didn't say it looked like a phone booth).</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is a never ending labyrinth of buttons. You want a Coke? Great! Do you want ice? Do you want it to be Diet Coke? Do you want caffeine? Do you want flavor in your Coke? What flavor? A lot or a little? Would you like to know the top 5 flavor choices people have made in the last 11 days? What size cup are you using? Is the cup placed in the correct filling location? Did you call your mother this week? Did you eat a piece of fruit today? It's never ending!!!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsDRiOoxXy52G9_VG7yiJUU7lLfjc4XpVkSKbcf1o2GtlwnpibGDn8Nr-twn2TZEre0uuocExAl5E4k-y2y0qR6by-5rUQocowahmkBPmpxVCq9Las3trRtF_Tcszpb7-tWGPoKB0aQccU/s1600/freestyle+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsDRiOoxXy52G9_VG7yiJUU7lLfjc4XpVkSKbcf1o2GtlwnpibGDn8Nr-twn2TZEre0uuocExAl5E4k-y2y0qR6by-5rUQocowahmkBPmpxVCq9Las3trRtF_Tcszpb7-tWGPoKB0aQccU/s320/freestyle+2.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>SEE!! And that's not even the end!! You still have<br />to input your blood type and when you had your last mammogram.<br />Please note, the needed NFM button is nowhere.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This is entirely too much pressure and stress and work for a soda. What they need is a</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Never Fucking Mind button so you can leave and just go get a bottle of water. Honestly, the machine "boasts" 100 drink choices. You know what, stop boasting. Did you ever hear of a little thing called Less is More? And does anyone ever clean that thing out? By the end of the day any soda you choose has to taste like one big disgusting blend of all the flavors (like when you try to make tea after coffee in the Keurig).</span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am well aware that there may possibly be some more pressing world issues, but those are mostly out of my control (Trump's hair and fake tan for one). I feel that if we all band together, we can, FOR FREE, hassle the soda industry via the internet and get back real soda machines. What's the down side here? A free form of entertainment AND social change for us - perfect!</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Quality of life issues should not be dismissed. If we can fix this problem, there's no stopping<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC9HSkEe94UbpOjAD7PoZ6C0C-YtebPPcUiPqDDvp9jDyth7EHhtrZgDSbPsBQplJjtacjFpRyKxnxRNI9HY9EAB2wAPcvNtK65uMU49Yhf1nP5tquEwzygeDxLhd8KPMFh4_DuynmOeZD/s1600/grocery+checker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC9HSkEe94UbpOjAD7PoZ6C0C-YtebPPcUiPqDDvp9jDyth7EHhtrZgDSbPsBQplJjtacjFpRyKxnxRNI9HY9EAB2wAPcvNtK65uMU49Yhf1nP5tquEwzygeDxLhd8KPMFh4_DuynmOeZD/s200/grocery+checker.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This could be any teenage bagger.<br />She thinks you just have to<br />wave the bags and food will<br />jump in on its own?</b></span></td></tr>
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us. We can probably find a way to get supermarkets to teach their teenage staff to load grocery bags in a way that doesn't make you want to punch them as you leave the store. But let's not get carried away just yet.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, let me know how your local campaigns go to rid the world of the scourge that is freestyle soda machines.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The End.</span><br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-35904961294772632412015-08-31T00:07:00.001-04:002015-08-31T14:37:55.712-04:00Am I The Only One Who Gets the Concept of Laying Low?<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Alternative Title - What the Fuck People? What? The Fuck?</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5cFD-oPY2RWjv0YapaxuTO9M54wYXcKQLmjXsr255ndqgk250J9-60tfZAE3uMkJ0FECLpDR7kDNai82kLjUE5UVbhMiEGsxfl1N4DGNPYob0T5q_sl60A0JM0tpJVXHZ4rDN4qjZGqQ6/s1600/forgot+homework.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5cFD-oPY2RWjv0YapaxuTO9M54wYXcKQLmjXsr255ndqgk250J9-60tfZAE3uMkJ0FECLpDR7kDNai82kLjUE5UVbhMiEGsxfl1N4DGNPYob0T5q_sl60A0JM0tpJVXHZ4rDN4qjZGqQ6/s200/forgot+homework.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Reason why some people<br />have no friends.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Remember back in middle school or high school when you would forget your homework/didn't do your homework (if this never happened to you, just keep it to yourself unless you want no friends)? Did you raise your hand in class ask your teacher if she was going to collect homework? No, you did not. You sat quietly trying not to draw any attention to yourself and hoped the teacher would forget the assignment was due. </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Clearly, being homeschooled, Josh Dugger never learned this lesson. It's a lesson that translates into laying low. This means that when you are doing something you shouldn't be, you don't draw any attention whatsoever to yourself. Honestly, if you are molesting your sisters, looking at on-line porn and cheating/ trying to cheat on your wife then you don't take a job as spokesman where you hassle and malign gay people and try to make their lives difficult. This is likely to draw attention your way and make some people not like you. These people are going to be looking for ways to show the world you suck.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Like many other preachers and politicians, Josh Duggar wants to tell you how to live a moral life. And he wants to make sure that gay people suffer (by way of lack of rights) for what he believes to be their immoral behavior. But, funny enough, his moral standards are for you, not for him. Even funnier - joke's on him - he isn't smart enough to keep that fact quiet.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">While no one likes a liar and sneak, I don't think anyone likes a narcissistic, self-absorbed, <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd98Bd5koXoApwtP4dQ1R9Eu5PL2byRKSb0_0sVC-G1VSYjhV0MiemGNwutLwSexohmlDA0kG6zQFT2gSZ-7GA8cmk18-TKgYn5i-OBOTLssJMX8-P6SQ0NWC7myiOiLrssu7Og3EhcdCm/s1600/ashley+madison.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd98Bd5koXoApwtP4dQ1R9Eu5PL2byRKSb0_0sVC-G1VSYjhV0MiemGNwutLwSexohmlDA0kG6zQFT2gSZ-7GA8cmk18-TKgYn5i-OBOTLssJMX8-P6SQ0NWC7myiOiLrssu7Og3EhcdCm/s200/ashley+madison.PNG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>There is just no way to<br />explain your way out of<br />getting caught on this site.</b></span></td></tr>
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cheater either. Yeah, I'm talking to the other Ashley Madison users now. I just can't wrap my mind around these people. Do they think they are super-cool badasses? I mean who signs up on a site whose logo makes it completely clear that it's for married people who want to have affairs? </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Don't get me wrong, the people who hacked the site and tried to extort the company should go to jail or be fined or sued or get their asses kicked - whatever, but I don't feel one drop bad for anyone who got caught as a result. First off, you are doing something you shouldn't be doing, so you take a risk there will be an unwanted consequence. Two, you are not only cheating on your spouse, you are advertising it on line. We adults keep harping at our kids that they have to be so careful about what they put on line or they won't get a job, but we have a site for cheating?</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Every day there seems to be well-known names popping up as Ashely Madison users. I think everyone of those people should lose their jobs and not because they did the "wrong thing." They should lose their jobs because they are that fucking stupid. Military and government leaders? CEOs, CFOs, teachers, preachers? If you are reckless and foolish enough to be on this site, I don't want you deciding anything for me or telling me anything.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On a lighter note, I did find one group of people who should consider NOT laying low. You know who these people are? The insane, cross-training freaks who stop in the middle of the street to do push-ups as part of some interval thing they are doing. What is wrong with you? The shoulder of the road where bikers and walkers are and where cars are not 2 feet from running you over - THAT IS NOT THE PLACE TO DO PUSH-UPS!!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYCoDLGXz6i89t6NFHwgB3h5qEzlJB2FugaQuZRMgtABMPzlw5CtELGUDSRpAMkbZfPESQgBxmuME0KOhmZ5ywa4H9dznh8NaDcjWzYD4OFlHlviQfiAOsX9ycSpQMLYeXWJlsFj0rfIzd/s1600/stupidity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYCoDLGXz6i89t6NFHwgB3h5qEzlJB2FugaQuZRMgtABMPzlw5CtELGUDSRpAMkbZfPESQgBxmuME0KOhmZ5ywa4H9dznh8NaDcjWzYD4OFlHlviQfiAOsX9ycSpQMLYeXWJlsFj0rfIzd/s200/stupidity.jpg" width="183" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Besides my whistle and smacking<br />people, maybe I could start<br />hitting some with a stick.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am not lying to you, or even exaggerating. We were in Long Beach Island where bikers and walkers share a 4-foot shoulder on each side OF THE MAIN ROAD and this guy is blocking the middle of the shoulder doing push-ups. His hands are practically on the actual road. If he survives, he too should lose his job for being stupid.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**As a side note, I am aware of the national emergency that would ensue should we start firing all stupid people, but I think we might have to make an example of the people who are stupid in the above-listed special ways. They are a danger to themselves and others. And, some people need more than just a whistle and a smack.</span><br />
<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-14201681778255524992015-07-21T00:18:00.000-04:002015-07-21T08:57:21.115-04:00That's Not a Grilled Cheese<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me start off being crystal clear. Grilled cheese is very important. Grilled cheese pretty much holds together the fabric of society. If you need me to explain why, then please know that I am sad that you don't know how empty and and small your life is. But don't worry, I do still love and accept you. I mean, I'm still going to talk about you behind your back, but with love and acceptance.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyhoo, back to grilled cheese. I think the folks at Pinterest and the assorted recipe sites on <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpxG04jFqJnPDC5Knmyxrd3FIV0bZPu5s_FDySFpb0gYP-NtCLh_GrGpPryq26wGlVa9zs-GsQZ74VEeTFoxmYyFTlmE_EYNn7CVA66uVdEVPKNVkHvgXyUih0YWdpM5iZraqzjisOh68V/s1600/blog+gr+ch.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpxG04jFqJnPDC5Knmyxrd3FIV0bZPu5s_FDySFpb0gYP-NtCLh_GrGpPryq26wGlVa9zs-GsQZ74VEeTFoxmYyFTlmE_EYNn7CVA66uVdEVPKNVkHvgXyUih0YWdpM5iZraqzjisOh68V/s200/blog+gr+ch.PNG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>That is a fun grilled cheese.<br />Cheese on the inside AND<br />on the outside.</b></span></td></tr>
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line need to understand that just because something has melted cheese on it, it's not automatically a grilled cheese. A cheeseburger for instance. That is a burger with cheese. It's not a grilled cheese with a burger. The burger is the star. Right? No one is trying to give the cheese top billing or trick anyone. Even when you grill it on rye bread and call it a patty melt and make it look more grilled cheesy, it's still a cheeseburger (I don't really get what's the deal with a patty melt or why it's called that, probably some communist thing).</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This recipe for this <a href="http://www.healthination.com/seasonal-favorites/guide-to-summer-cooking/mushroom-grilled-cheese-sandwich/?utm_source=AOLCPC&utm_campaign=grilledcheese&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl38%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D-72841508">Mushroom grilled cheese</a>... not a grilled cheese. It's a grilled mushroom sandwich with cheese on it. And yes, there is a difference. One is a grilled, crispy, cheesy delight that someone added mushrooms to (for some unknown reason) and one is this sandwich. This sandwich will make you sad because you will be expecting yum and what you will be getting is a big mouthful of mushrooms.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC7dCSVnYMuDJWUj8kgEc9jU_4DUalTE8k5Gj_NwbSY-wWB_mdmICg1W0nWQLqq882dP2-z4WmD5pkDhxeJtmtz3G1nAMFzgeow17rFVrdViX0X7Bmfb_8dMPCXFkanbRhD5qxNM_DGf0H/s1600/blog+gr+ch+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="117" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC7dCSVnYMuDJWUj8kgEc9jU_4DUalTE8k5Gj_NwbSY-wWB_mdmICg1W0nWQLqq882dP2-z4WmD5pkDhxeJtmtz3G1nAMFzgeow17rFVrdViX0X7Bmfb_8dMPCXFkanbRhD5qxNM_DGf0H/s200/blog+gr+ch+2.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>That is a grilled cheese fail. Too<br />much bacon. And how are you<br />going to eat that? It's gonna be<br />all greasy and when you bite into it<br />cheese is going to go everywhere.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Cheese is the star. Cheese is the main ingredient. Whatever bread you want, whatever cheese you want, knock yourself out. But, you are not supposed to add so much other stuff that cheese is not the first thing you taste. This is even true of bacon. Yummy and delicious, but you can't have more bacon than cheese.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, at this point you are probably wondering "WTF DTC, are you drunk? Who needs a whole tirade on grilled cheese? Why are you so troubled over this?"</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I will tell you why! After I read the below-listed post, I was so distressed that the future of America, really, the whole world was in jeopardy that I felt I needed to speak up and let people know we are going to hell in a handbasket. And believe you me, that's no way to travel. <a href="http://www.cheeserank.com/culture/insane-grilled-cheeses-recipes-sandwiches/?utm_campaign=58GC_Pinterest_5.5&utm_source=Pinterest&utm_medium=social&utm_content=3GC_FunfettiTop&pp=0">58 Grilled Cheeses Worth Selling Your Soul For</a> is clearly a plot to take over the world (I haven't figured out whose yet).</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Disagree? What kind of monster thinks a grilled cheese has chocolate, peanut butter and cream cheese in it? Mascarpone cheese and Peeps?!?! Peeps?! Are you kidding me?! Not horrified enough? What do you think of a sandwich that calls itself a grilled cheese that is made from two chocolate chip cookies and cheddar cheese? That's just ruining both things!</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The article is very clever in that they throw several extremely tasty options in there to lure <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixkMNQpYAxYsvonalPfoeJaUbcwsHJ6b7uVXKOTPiYItmxYbu-SA_7Jrbb9iIIc-wX2wvQU1RS8zJW_VmPl-oaF1Y_3dodZEWUdl5MXxTrcdfa5gBT_RcfXGKbeS-18UIVHWTWAscSjOF_/s1600/blog+grilled+cheese.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixkMNQpYAxYsvonalPfoeJaUbcwsHJ6b7uVXKOTPiYItmxYbu-SA_7Jrbb9iIIc-wX2wvQU1RS8zJW_VmPl-oaF1Y_3dodZEWUdl5MXxTrcdfa5gBT_RcfXGKbeS-18UIVHWTWAscSjOF_/s200/blog+grilled+cheese.PNG" width="127" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Another Fail.<br />Picture looks good but then <br />you see the words </b></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>vegan mozzarella. </b></span></td></tr>
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you in; true grilled cheeses. But then they share that you can "grill" your sandwich with an iron. Sure you can. If you want to ruin your iron and burn your counter. Go right ahead. </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I cannot even tell you about #27 (check at your own risk). Was coming up with these options part of a drinking game? I mean I actually cringed when I read #27. Is it any wonder that America is in a tailspin when people are grilling sandwiches with Funfetti cake mix and ricotta? I am not making this up - go look!!! </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">With Pinterest being an unregulated clearinghouse of society-crushing recipes, it's going to be hard to stop these types of grilled cheeses from sneaking their way onto restaurant menus and cooking competition shows, but I am going to try my hardest by raising awareness. I see our awareness ribbon looking like it's made of swiss cheese.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now that I have shared my concerns with you, I feel a lot better. Besides my grilled cheese awareness work, I feel like I can also start to focus on other Pinterest travesties that are wreaking havoc worldwide. Things like figuring out why there is a push to put a fried egg on everything. Things like figuring out why people are being tricked into thinking they can tile their own bathrooms or cook things that have 43 ingredients, 17 of which are not obtainable in the United States.</span><br />
<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-81339674885448819932015-07-05T15:59:00.001-04:002015-07-05T15:59:52.310-04:00Title That Grabs Your Attention<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh, hey guys! Guess what. I'm back. No, I haven't been anywhere fun or different. Nope, wasn't finding a cure for any diseases. Wasn't cooking more for my family (snort). Wasn't spending extra time working on my fitness (guffaw).</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMKh3Fll6y2ErxCBFoov5RdromrS_hQ1lcR5PmN4eblFW4QtSMnvqLIfpvKkQRb4yFJjDSWaNYEqIow3mobmv_-_GRyzdpFT2i1L0047cf6L9L_rIP54MNcQCHqeVfq6_jsabc7z-dJKqL/s1600/blog+outlander.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMKh3Fll6y2ErxCBFoov5RdromrS_hQ1lcR5PmN4eblFW4QtSMnvqLIfpvKkQRb4yFJjDSWaNYEqIow3mobmv_-_GRyzdpFT2i1L0047cf6L9L_rIP54MNcQCHqeVfq6_jsabc7z-dJKqL/s200/blog+outlander.jpg" width="146" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>No caption is really<br />needed. But, if I must, I<br />will point out that I think<br />it would be hard to pee<br />with all those belts, <br />straps and weapons.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Think of my absence along the same vein as the 6 month hiatus between parts 1 and 2 of the first season of Outlander. Completely rude and unnecessary, but we'll try to overlook it because the show is awesome and we love Jamie and Claire. Yes, I am well aware that nothing about me or my blog even come closes to anything Outlander related, but just try to work with me.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you did not watch Outlander and/or have not read the books, you might want to get on that. I already <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=320113616105723104#editor/target=post;postID=4118390405010841168;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=2;src=postname">wrote a post about it</a>, so I won't belabor the point, but get on it. Luckily, you have plenty of time to catch up before Season 2 premieres.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What else needs to be addressed...</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm not going to make the whole post about Gay Marriage because I think we would need a whole afternoon (or week or month) to discuss and try to understand why there are people in up in arms about gay people having the right to get married, but let's just give it a mention. If you are not gay, it doesn't affect you. You might not like it, but it doesn't actually affect you. You are not being forced to see or live near any more or less gay people than before. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Gay people just now have the legal right to do things like visit their spouses in the hospital or<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRm5ud1jL7_zZQ4Xfr_dgJHFPGa8SPYym2LWXYNOJnwoMgoNdBRRHKMxS4nIOFV87miHfN3rJWXJe8vYiVDC-L5UlPRcWojv3lUI5fUmWj9iUWurr1QprhNApBPx-yzkgzGx_inJ8kn-LZ/s1600/blog+gay+prez.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRm5ud1jL7_zZQ4Xfr_dgJHFPGa8SPYym2LWXYNOJnwoMgoNdBRRHKMxS4nIOFV87miHfN3rJWXJe8vYiVDC-L5UlPRcWojv3lUI5fUmWj9iUWurr1QprhNApBPx-yzkgzGx_inJ8kn-LZ/s200/blog+gay+prez.jpg" width="147" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Usually he's a<br />foreign-born Muslim<br />extremist, so this is<br />quite a step up.</b></span></td></tr>
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make medical decisions for their spouses. Gay people also now won't get thrown out of their houses or lose their money if their spouse happens to die without a will and not everything is in joint names. These are just a couple of the reasons (besides a sense of fairness) why I think it's important gay people can get married and have their marriage acknowledged in all 50 states.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And honestly, don't gay people have just as much right as the rest of us to annoy their friends and family with their beliefs that their weddings are going to be the most special, unique and meaningful occasions to ever happen?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Other big topic that would take all day to really discuss but I feel compelled to mention is the whole kerfuffle over the Confederate flag. This discussion has been brought to the forefront as a result of the tragic shooting at the church in South Carolina. Obviously, the flag is not what caused a hateful person to do such an unthinkable and awful thing, but it certainly brought to light that people who think like this guy (I am not even using his name) use the Confederate Flag as one of their symbols. It represents how they feel about black people (and minorities in general). They don't wave it around as a symbol of sweet tea, hoop skirts, fried chicken, swooning and southern hospitality.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFBSTtRnX9Fa5T3BpPZAwAL38Iyv6C-fn11q8GiWP_Nxrfblg5X4EHgZB6c6QDnboT6Js5tB2cNCqoYNyVEndMAoPExQDt8DCe2RnkkChFjK-8nTVhIe223Sq8vRK2CN4x8dRX3Z8q6MV2/s1600/blog+sweet+tea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFBSTtRnX9Fa5T3BpPZAwAL38Iyv6C-fn11q8GiWP_Nxrfblg5X4EHgZB6c6QDnboT6Js5tB2cNCqoYNyVEndMAoPExQDt8DCe2RnkkChFjK-8nTVhIe223Sq8vRK2CN4x8dRX3Z8q6MV2/s200/blog+sweet+tea.jpg" width="176" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'm trying to help Southerners<br />come up with a more<br />positive way to express<br />their Southern Pride. I think<br />this could work as a flag.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you want to personally wave the Confederate Flag around, go right ahead, but don't act like it represents the Old South and all the lovely things people associate with the south (as mentioned above). When I see a Confederate Flag I assume the person with said flag is saying "I liked it back when even a low class, trashy, uneducated white person was worth more than any black person. And I don't see anything wrong with when black people were slaves." That flag certainly doesn't belong on United States government buildings.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Our Country's flag is supposed to represent freedom and fair treatment for all. When the Confederate flag flies alongside, it says "wink, wink." There must be a better way for the people who are proud to be from the south to show their pride.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So then, we have touched on some important topics (because we are totally grown ups and that's how we roll). Also, now everyone is aware that they have some Outlander homework to get to. And, I don't want to make light of important topics (I think DTC's new motto might be "More Smart, Less Ass," although I'm not sure that says what I'm going for), but really, Outlander is a serious matter. Your life if lacking if you are not reading and watching.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just so you can prepare, our next topic will be Pinterest ridiculousness. My current Pinterest issue involves grilled cheese.</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Last Note: In looking for images I found a rainbow flag with a swastika in the middle. I don't think that is going to take off with either group. You heard it here first.</span>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-6994853020799130312014-11-27T00:09:00.000-05:002014-11-27T00:09:41.081-05:00Addendum to Universal Social Contract - Holiday Rules<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No. No. No. No. On this Thanksgiving Eve (or Thanksgiving morning, depending on when you're reading) I feel compelled to share my thoughts on Christmas music BEFORE Thanksgiving. For the last 2 weeks some radio stations have already switched over to All Christmas All The Time and the Yuletide melodies are in full swing at the mall. Just No. You cannot force the holiday season. The holiday season starts after Thanksgiving. That's the rule and everyone knows it.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLW4wRC6Pp49Eo-Ujlu0KSV30pltHyo11xA1Zt_iotrbsGiP38zczJISClBO93ZS-72407kfiQE1_K7_UKwXx_4qaPVMa1OEuJUQETwO3hpH5p9B15uCmBhjHLvqOBwmGB4IjS2YZ9QLxl/s1600/mean+turkey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLW4wRC6Pp49Eo-Ujlu0KSV30pltHyo11xA1Zt_iotrbsGiP38zczJISClBO93ZS-72407kfiQE1_K7_UKwXx_4qaPVMa1OEuJUQETwO3hpH5p9B15uCmBhjHLvqOBwmGB4IjS2YZ9QLxl/s1600/mean+turkey.jpg" height="128" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>See, the turkey's mad too<br />and Thanksgiving isn't <br />even a good day for him.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In general, people seem to agree that the marketers of the world don't let us enjoy the anticipation of an upcoming holiday, nor the actual holiday at hand, before they start over-saturating us with the next holiday. I think we need to clarify some of the ground rules so that the holiday equilibrium can be restored and there can once again be peace on earth and goodwill towards men. Well, probably really just towards women since I'm pretty sure men aren't paying that close attention to the whole thing. But, I digress.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In every day life there are a few things most of us agree to that allow us to live in relative harmony with one another; a social contract, if you will. We all agree that you shouldn't kill people or steal from them or spit on them or pour red wine on their new sweaters. Just like our constitution has amendments (because people really need shit spelled out for them), I think our universal social contract needs some amendments. We will be referring to them as the Holiday Rules.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know you are thinking that these below-listed items should go without saying, but alas, some of our fellow humans actually need them said. These same people are also usually the ones who need a whistle and smack.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<b><u><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1. Christmas music is for Christmas time</span></u></b><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">* As mentioned, there should be no Christmas music before Thanksgiving.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">* Radio stations should wait to play Christmas music all day, every day until a week or so before Christmas. In the beginning, just throw in a few Christmas/winter songs here and there. We don't need a whole month of nothing but holiday songs. Do you know why? Because as fun as Christmas songs are, there are only like 40 of them (tops). Even if you add in all other winter and holiday songs, we're at around 50. A month straight is a long time to hear the same songs over and over. And, let 's be honest, they're not all great versions.</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>A caveat to this amendment is that Luther Vandros </b></span></div>
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<b><u><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. Christmas/Holiday Greetings of all types are to be graciously accepted</span></u></b><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">* When people say "Happy Holidays" versus "Merry Christmas," they are just trying to be nice and spread good cheer. They are not trying to ruin your life by forgetting about Jesus on his very special day. React accordingly.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">* The winter holiday season begins after Thanksgiving. That is a whole month before Christmas. There are other holidays during this season before Christmas. "Happy Holidays" is a pleasant thing to say and covers all holidays, including New Years. Also, it is more accurate. Do you wish someone a happy birthday every time you see them the whole month before their birthday. No, you do not. "Happy Holidays" says "I hope you will enjoy this festive and joyous season." React accordingly.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">* Conversely, if you are not a Christmas celebrator and you are wished a "Merry Christmas," smile and say "thank you." It is meant as a well wish, not as a way to force Christmas or Christianity on you. You don't need to announce that you do not celebrate Christmas. It makes the other person feel like you are telling them to shove their good cheer. That's not nice.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">* If you want to pretend you are living in a Dicken's novel or some other quaint time in history, you can of course feel free to say "Season's Greetings" to people. You must, however, be wearing an overcoat and a hat that you can tip.</span><br />
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<b><u><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. Fruit Cake. Why?</span></u></b><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">* Aside from my two cousins who make these super adorable (but still yucky) fruit cakes, I don't know anyone who eats/likes fruit cake. Catalogs and cute country stores should stop selling fruit cake. Anyone who gifts a fruit cake is clearly just being passive-aggressive and the recipient knows it. I think this hurts the overall feeling of goodwill and kindness of the season.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">* For you Jewish people (and others) who don't know about fruit cake - it's like the honey </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">cake from Rosh Hashanah that no one but my dad and my friend Julie like. The only difference is that it has what I guess you would call candied fruit in it. Green and red hard maraschino cherries and fossil-like pineapple bits.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">* Due to the nature of the holiday season, if someone you like or love makes a fruit cake and<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>You are going to have to practice<br />smiling because your initial<br /> reaction will be to grimace. </b></span></td></tr>
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insists you taste it because <i>theirs</i> is different and very delicious, you must taste it and smile and say you like it. If pressed to eat more, beg fullness and ask to take a piece with you. Do not throw this away until you get home. Despite what is likely a passive-aggressive gesture (see above), you have to assume the person is trying to share their holiday joy with you.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I think these three are a good start for our Holiday Rules addendum to the Universal Social Contract. Let me know if there are any others you think need to be added. Remember, our goal here at DTC is to help make the holiday season fun and happy for everyone. And to smack and stun gun people who won't cooperate. </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Happy Thanksgiving to all who are celebrating and good luck to all who are gearing up for their Black Friday shopping! xo, DTC </span><br />
<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-41183904050108411682014-11-10T23:52:00.000-05:002014-11-12T18:28:16.585-05:00Dinna Fash, He'll Be Back: Guide For Occupying Self Until April<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you don't know what the title means, you have a lot of catching up to do. That's actually good, because it will take you until April to catch up, thus you will not need the rest of this post.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I dinna even have my<br />usual clever caption, just<br />go read and watch.</b></span></td></tr>
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Those not in the know, who now have to catch up, we are talking about Outlander. The book, the rest of the books and the TV series (it's on Starz, go sign up for Starz right now. Go. We'll wait for you). The books are by Diana Gabaldon and they let her be a consultant on the show (we get lots of fun inside information/pictures as a result). I really cannot say enough good things about the books. Diana Gabaldon is a fabulous writer and storyteller. How she came to be a writer and her background is pretty interesting. <a href="http://www.dianagabaldon.com/books/outlander-series/outlander/"> Click here to check her out</a>. <a href="http://www.starz.com/originals/outlander">Click here to check out the show.</a></span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is hard to fit the story into a category/genre, so I won't even try. Just trust me, you want in. Have I led you astray yet? I even got The Party to start reading the books and watching the show (he's not a reader. I mean he can read, but he has a bad attitude). He is now mad at Diana (yes, that's right, we are on a first name basis) because he's sucked in. Ha Party! I told you reading was awesome. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did I forget to mention that there is a lot of<br />naked in the series? This isn't even the good scene.<br />Wait until you get to the wedding episode.</b></td></tr>
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">One final word on why should join in - Jamie Fraser. Let me put it in perspective for you. You know how Adam Levine is my secret boyfriend? Well, the Jamie Fraser from my imagination would beat him if he was real. BUT, the Jamie Fraser from the TV show, Sam Heughan, <i>is</i> real... Adam who? Enough said.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Okay, I assume anyone who needs to has left to go take care of business. Oh!! BTW, newbies, you need to occupy yourselves until April because that's when the second half of season One will start.</span><br />
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</span> <b><u><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the rest of us... here are some things to occupy you while you wait for April:</span></u></b><br />
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</span> <i><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This period of time is apparently being called Draughtlander, but we are not calling it that here because it makes us seem like desperate groupies, which we are, but we don't have to seem like it, it's not dignified. Also, please do not ever use the term Heuligans because just no.</span></i><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1. Reread all 8 Outlander books. At 800+ pages, that ought to keep you out of trouble for awhile. Ye can also try reading them using a Scottish accent in yer heid. Me personally, I canna keep from slipping back to Claire's English accent.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. Re-watch the first 8 episodes of Outlander. That won't take verra much time, but every little bit helps, aye?</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. Read all other Diana Gabaldon books, which include a bunch about Lord John as well as some short stories about some side story lines.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">4. Season 5 of Downton Abbey premieres January 4th. It'll probably be wrapping up just as Outlander starts. It's no Outlander, but it'll do.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>It's like we were separated <br />at birth. And she wears <br />super cool/fun clothes.</b></span></td></tr>
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5. What I really recommend highly is watching The Mindy Project. I think Mindy and I could be friends. I think she would find me fun and we would be instant best friends. I also wish Diana and I could be friends. She seems to have a good sense of humor, but I am not 100% sure she would find me fun to hang out with. I think she would maybe be alarmed by me. Until she got to know me better. But anyway - The Mindy Project. Very silly, but too funny!!</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6. Another fun series is New Girl. Zooey Deschanel appears to be real life friends with Mindy Kaling (see above), so the three of us could have loads of fun if either knew I existed. Regardless, you can download both this and Mindy's past seasons and kill a ton of time.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">7. You could read other books not related to Outlander at all. I guess there are some good ones.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">8. You could spend quality time with your children. I know, that will be just as non-quality as it was before Outlander, but every now and then they throw us a bone. You could look into that.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">9. Speaking of throwing us a bone, you could hang out with your husband. Bahahahaha! The fun never stops around here. Anyhoo, see if you can't get your husband to work on his Scottish accent and then you keep your eyes closed. Don't tell him why; he won't find it sexy or charming if you come right out and tell him you are pretending he's someone else.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10. You could cook, clean, organize, volunteer, exercise... ha ha, just kidding. No one wants to that.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am sure some people will be having Outlander parties like they did Twilight parties. I counsel against this. Outlander is of course way cooler than Twilight (I could not bring myself to read the books or see the movies) but still, we're back to the desperate thing. It's never becoming to seem desperate. A caveat to this... if you can get anyone from the cast of Outlander, or Diana Gabaldon, to attend your party, you can turn your whole house into Castle Leoch for all I care and I will not let a single soul make fun of you at all. But, you have to invite me.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh - I almost forgot. If your life is busy (I guess that's a thing) and you don't have time to catch up completely, you can read these recaps of the TV series. They are pretty entertaining and will get you up to speed (and fun even if you've watched the show). </span><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This one is the link to a series of recaps that includes captioned pictures.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: purple;"> </span><span style="color: #0b5394;"><a href="http://www.hitfix.com/monkeys-as-critics/recap-outlander-sassenach/single-page">This one is the first of a series (you can link to the others from it) that is from the perspective of someone who hasn't read the books.</a> </span></span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Be prepared to snort and laugh out loud, so make sure you're not at work or on the train or something. Looking crazy isn't much better than looking desperate.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>In the event you are not convinced that Outlander<br />is for you; this is Claire and Frank. Claire is married<br />to Jamie. But, she's also married to Frank. <br />It. just. got. interesting!</b></span></td></tr>
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Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-77745518790643546082014-11-06T15:32:00.001-05:002017-03-18T17:42:41.127-04:00Settle Down, All Births Are Yucky: A Non-Scary, Yet True, Story<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Don't let the hat fool you. If <br />they try to give you this baby, <br />there's been a switch.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Yesterday on Facebook someone posted a link about a woman, who in an attempt to show c-section births can be beautiful too,<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/04/c-section-photos_n_6084522.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037"> photographed her friend's c-section.</a> Insert eye roll. Every so often articles of this nature pop up on line or in magazines assuring us that whatever way we give birth, it's just great. Um thanks, we know. WE ARE MAKING PEOPLE - of course it's great. Don't get me wrong the photographer/friend was doing something nice, it's the fact that people feel the need to even address this kind of nonsense that makes me bonkers. </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">First of all, the only people who think that c-sections are "less than" in some way are the douchy alpha-mom types who think they are the first women to have endured labor and childbirth and that only through their enormous fortitude were they able to survive said activity - in the most perfect and meaningful way. Was anyone even worried that their c-section made their child's birth less awesome? No. No one even thought about that until Alpha-Mom raised her perfectly waxed eyebrow while she was making homemade baby food to freeze ahead of time while you were wasting your time merely trying not to throw up and not to fall asleep at work.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Secondly, relatively speaking, up until like 5 minutes ago, giving birth gave you a better than average chance of dying. I don't want to in any way belittle the miracle of birth (seriously, you add one teeny tiny outside ingredient to your system, and BAM, a person just starts forming inside you), but there are some serious design flaws. Now, for most of us, it's a given that we and our babies will survive delivery and be healthy. Who would possibly have the nerve to complain that the few hours spent delivering their child wasn't enriching enough? Again, up until recently, no one. </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But, the main point of all this is that ALL BIRTHS ARE YUCKY AND MESSY. And lots of people will be seeing you naked, and not with good lighting. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp-V9c7aY1-hj0RIgfB0BnMNOYngv-XV6j7PqBZZUiC_qtCFeNjBr1aqZRH0fRY7haYXskLY4gyPXeY_X5YxfVapPhJd1jaWBiKt3_OZiox4SVvErehb_ZBqeI3PDzkJ0jWa63q0epCx5n/s1600/baby+sloth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp-V9c7aY1-hj0RIgfB0BnMNOYngv-XV6j7PqBZZUiC_qtCFeNjBr1aqZRH0fRY7haYXskLY4gyPXeY_X5YxfVapPhJd1jaWBiKt3_OZiox4SVvErehb_ZBqeI3PDzkJ0jWa63q0epCx5n/s1600/baby+sloth.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>1st time moms, cute as this is,<br />if this is the baby they show<br />you, something has gone amiss.</b></span></td></tr>
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<i><span style="color: #990000; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">**Quick note to expectant first time moms - despite the mess, you will be fine. Don't let anyone's horror stories get you worried. You will be fine. The odds of things going wrong are small and you will likely know ahead of time from your doctor if there is any reason at all to be worried - so remember, you will be fine.**</span></i><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, where was I? Yes, births are yucky and messy. Yes, they are and you know it. I have had both a vaginal delivery as well as a c-section. Obviously, these two births make me an expert on all births. Before I delivered my son, they papered the floor so it wouldn't get all gory and slippery. Thankfully, I couldn't see the floor down at that end. Please note that any old-timey movie birth scenes usually involve screaming mothers, but no papered floors or gore. Why? Because no one wants to see that - it's yucky.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">C-sections? Much neater in that they don't have to paper the floors, but they do have to cut you open and move your internal organs around (sometimes actually taking them out and resting them on your stomach, oh my god) to get to your baby. Again, up until recently, before anesthesia, this wasn't really the way you wanted to give birth since it was usually a last ditch effort, and while they might be able to save your baby, things weren't looking too bright for you.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, as you see, all births are kind of macabre despite the awesome prize at the end, which is a baby. Whatever way your baby gets here is the right, best way. Don't let anyone tell you differently. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDl8a7W35kf3Ufvbpeifx0L1V77YF6d4O9eqc4tpuboBjpRkkP7ve4oozXt9eSS7MWxaqXwjmGUjT6zgx-TJvI6_b4QOO_KQtY3NW9Hj1fWGLQ__EG3HGM2Nfxl00RALKFhx5xpc5J3YhN/s1600/baby+pix.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDl8a7W35kf3Ufvbpeifx0L1V77YF6d4O9eqc4tpuboBjpRkkP7ve4oozXt9eSS7MWxaqXwjmGUjT6zgx-TJvI6_b4QOO_KQtY3NW9Hj1fWGLQ__EG3HGM2Nfxl00RALKFhx5xpc5J3YhN/s1600/baby+pix.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>You get what I'm saying, right?</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">What I will tell you though - DON'T FILM IT! Think about what's going on down at the baby having end. Who exactly is your target audience? Do you think your kids wants to see that? They do not. Your husband? If he says yes, he's lying. He's. Lying. Do <i>you</i> really want to see that? Really? I saw several birth videos during Prepared Childbirth class. I am still not 100% recovered. I am really not recovered from, and cannot un-see, the picture in the book the doctor gave me. A woman, in an open hospital gown, half-way propped up - with a head coming our of her vagina. She is just sitting there, legs spread, with a baby head sticking out of her, like it's just a regular day and she's waiting for someone to bring her a soda or something. Don't do it.</span><br />
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<b><u><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Take Away Points</span></u></b><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">1. Don't even think about the right way to give birth. Whatever you do is right.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">2. When people like Gisele Bundchen say that after her relaxing, wonderful home birth she felt so good she got up and made her family breakfast (not kidding) - ignore her. She's showing off. She's the type of mom who acts as if birthing and parenting are easy and always wonderful if you will only apply yourself. You know magazines use photo shop, right? This is like that.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">3. All deliveries are messy and not fun. They are really cool because you get a baby, but it's not going to be your funnest activity ever. But remember, you will be fine!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">4. Take pictures of your baby once it's been born, not while. That is not the kind of naked film you want to star in.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizJKMbfIbJuaMHkG6gats6RgfnRt-Yt3eQmlwEE7rK3TDPnjn7KWQA2IOflT7Py3dVxILI7tsorLHvGH_KVQQ7z7qE0QGBn2HdF0M9NQCSwRXfi00RtXr8YipSOE3iFcfXuB9NM0Rm4tp1/s1600/ugly+baby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizJKMbfIbJuaMHkG6gats6RgfnRt-Yt3eQmlwEE7rK3TDPnjn7KWQA2IOflT7Py3dVxILI7tsorLHvGH_KVQQ7z7qE0QGBn2HdF0M9NQCSwRXfi00RtXr8YipSOE3iFcfXuB9NM0Rm4tp1/s1600/ugly+baby.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Hospitals are not supposed to do this. If this<br />happens to you, you should complain loudly. <br />It's unsafe to put a bag on a baby's head.</b></span></td></tr>
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Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-54461340771583547832014-08-01T11:56:00.000-04:002014-08-02T23:04:25.467-04:00Field Of Dreams<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is one of those posts that would really be a status update, but, you know, I got carried away and it was too long for a status update. And, it's not like I could cut out any part of the conversation. As an aside, this is why Twitter doesn't really work for me. That and because only like 3 of my friends are on Twitter.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me get you up to speed. On my status yesterday, I spoke of The Party and my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=712404312127984&id=177858672249220&notif_t=like">conversation regarding foot races. </a>I also wanted to share with you our other conversation. I think what you will see from both conversations is that The Party and I are very into health and physical fitness. It's really our main focus in life.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlDdoBFBiglpYZF8ov1UKFSodSWPaPHVLmlmCZ_sgLdKFuRkWqBqzbUxR_QjyL64dRVMsTyP3w6Zl4gKjGggfgVfUg1mB2KQRjNZjZImTHlpOwybqJoSpF2OUGIoz18BpN8U_c05BusRRX/s1600/flo+jo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlDdoBFBiglpYZF8ov1UKFSodSWPaPHVLmlmCZ_sgLdKFuRkWqBqzbUxR_QjyL64dRVMsTyP3w6Zl4gKjGggfgVfUg1mB2KQRjNZjZImTHlpOwybqJoSpF2OUGIoz18BpN8U_c05BusRRX/s1600/flo+jo.jpg" height="260" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I want you to get a feel for how I would<br />probably look running a race.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyhoo, moving along, besides discussing running, we were also discussing (while watching the Phillies) how cool it is that all the players are really good at sliding. Like, they slide in super fast and just that quick, the end of their slide is right up onto their feet. I told Party that even though I don't play baseball, I think I am going to learn how to do that. He said that he did not think I could (author's note - Party, that is not very supportive of you). He says I would hurt myself.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Me: "But, I have a lot of padding."</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Party: "I don't think that will help you in this instance."</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Me: "I don't think you really know."</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Looks and raised eyebrows are exchanged.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Me: "Maybe I will go to Baseball Fantasy Camp. I will tell them, 'look, there's no way I'm going to be able to hit any kind balls you're throwing that fast, and I can't really catch fly ball, I'm just here to learn sliding.'"</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I didn't actually get the go-ahead to sign up for Fantasy Camp, but we did laugh about the <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/30e805fefa/mlb-fantasy-camp-with-ryan-howard-jimmy-rollins">Ryan Howard/ Jimmy Rollins Fantasy Camp video</a> we had previously watched. This is also why, when I go, I will sign myself up and not let Party be involved at all.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCkEdUrI3e3ShDKhyphenhyphen2GUM4dEfNEVA_uBN7xSpho3GPN4pWBnUgKhtPrM7-J8cUiAq5PjIXf76PYSEGHDFrsN8dvUB488yR2H7bKuRo5nvP0q9gJtO6R1uXPiX-Ns7bDEl1PPm3aO1VbbmC/s1600/fantasy+camp.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCkEdUrI3e3ShDKhyphenhyphen2GUM4dEfNEVA_uBN7xSpho3GPN4pWBnUgKhtPrM7-J8cUiAq5PjIXf76PYSEGHDFrsN8dvUB488yR2H7bKuRo5nvP0q9gJtO6R1uXPiX-Ns7bDEl1PPm3aO1VbbmC/s1600/fantasy+camp.JPG" height="178" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I will pretty much sign up for anything if they give <br />me a breakfast like this.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As an aside, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhcMinBybhQ">this is the other reason</a> I think I would really like hanging out with Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins.</span><br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-71716228958321894162014-04-07T21:49:00.000-04:002014-04-09T18:26:19.638-04:00Concern Of The Day - Episode 2<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Episode 2 is somewhat related to Episode 1 in that a bathtub is involved. But, today's episode is more focused on me and my personal travails. As you read on, there is a slight chance you may not be able to really muster up any sympathy for me. Nonetheless, I feel compelled to share because if I can save one person from the humiliation of floating to the top of her tub, then I know I will have made the world a better place.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Essentially, I am willing to risk being mocked in order to help you. You're welcome. I live to help people. You know, the whole ray of sunshine thing.</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyhoo, the tub...</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, the Reader's Digest version is that a few years back we decided to build an addition on our house rather than move. The architect said that even though I thought we didn't need/want a Jacuzzi-type tub we should really consider it because when we go to sell the house that is a feature that people will expect to see in a remodeled bathroom. Fast forward past our acquiescence and right to me searching for the perfect tub.</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Clearly, the perfect tub is as big as you can get into the space. It's important that 2 adults or 7 children can fit into said tub. Tub should be big enough that it requires a full day's worth of hot water to fill.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjik3hBllzWZkxwKxt57lJF-Tk5jZDWpdG0MBmAxQqVkJC7KDgj0fKLy_lIxBotiJERSldXJtvY3hNjNYhaVgLM-vuasiRsCqlm8BFYgUWxIhDsH-zsUccMndaTR_sTYZ7HLWMRONXnDgNC/s1600/blog+tub+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjik3hBllzWZkxwKxt57lJF-Tk5jZDWpdG0MBmAxQqVkJC7KDgj0fKLy_lIxBotiJERSldXJtvY3hNjNYhaVgLM-vuasiRsCqlm8BFYgUWxIhDsH-zsUccMndaTR_sTYZ7HLWMRONXnDgNC/s1600/blog+tub+2.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Doesn't this look like the perfect sized tub? <br />Yeah, that's not the tub I got.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My beautiful multi-jet tub was perfectly incorporated into our dream bathroom. I couldn't have been happier. Until I went to take a bath. Before I tell you what happened, I will tell you that just last week I decided that I was probably remembering the whole thing (from several years ago) in a skewed fashion and that it really couldn't have been that bad. I decided I would take another bath with a fresh and open mind and enjoy relaxing and reading in my spacious and aquarific tub. Sigh. I will now recount for you what happened then and just again last week. Remember, this is a cautionary tale, take heed.</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Prepare yourself, this gets ugly. I turn the water on to fill the tub. I get my bath pillow, my book, my towel, I use my fancy dimmer switch to make the lights just right. The door is locked, no one can come in to bother me. Clothes are off and I'm ready to go. 13 minutes later after sitting around with no clothes on reading my book on the edge of the tub, it's finally full.</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm in. The trouble begins. First, the pillow won't stay in place. Okay, no problem, we're skipping the pillow. I get the jets going. That is really loud in my ears. Alright then, less jets. Here comes the relaxing. Yes, I will be relaxing in just one minute as soon as I get in a comfortable position. Oh wait, there is no comfortable position! You know why?!?!? The tub's too big! When I lean against the back in a good reclining position my feet do not reach the other end of the tub. So, I just keep sliding down and under the water. That's until my feet reach the other side. Then I start to float to the top because none of me is leaning against anything. I am not even exaggerating.</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">New approach. I will sit up and bend my knees so my feet are on the bottom of the tub. Yes, I am now not floating or slipping under water. And the whole top half of me is out of the tub. Awesome. End of bath.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrtFO9FNG4fOLkLo9EKsuDyOQkEYGnTmqH5JGPgG96nYpFNBVpvvhv-VCFV-Tld6_ldjDK08g_BKx0lEtH7TcQnRMRC6rPSuDEJ2gDFbeQXFflkWD046kueOy_Gy6N4aFPzFsxZmb2RkGb/s1600/blog+-+tub.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrtFO9FNG4fOLkLo9EKsuDyOQkEYGnTmqH5JGPgG96nYpFNBVpvvhv-VCFV-Tld6_ldjDK08g_BKx0lEtH7TcQnRMRC6rPSuDEJ2gDFbeQXFflkWD046kueOy_Gy6N4aFPzFsxZmb2RkGb/s1600/blog+-+tub.jpg" height="185" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This lady is full of crap. A real person <br />would have a more bitter look on her face.<br />Most of her is out of the tub. You know<br />she has to be freezing cold.</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><i><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Here are your take-aways:</span></i></b></div>
<div>
<ol>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Unlike pizza and cake - when it comes to tubs, less is more. Go smaller.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just like makeup and cleavage - when it comes to tubs, less is more. Go smaller.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you need a sweater to keep your top half warm in the tub, your tub is too big.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is nothing sexy about floating to the top of your tub. This is why it's important to always keep the bathroom door locked.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You do not need a tub that fits two people. Really, think about it. How much time do you think you have that you can take enough romantic baths a deux to make a giant tub a sound financial decision?</span></li>
</ol>
</div>
<div>
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<div>
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Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-84432446877484207812014-03-19T08:30:00.002-04:002014-04-07T19:20:08.518-04:00Concern of the Day - Episode 1I haven't written anything new in forever. Nothing has come to me. So, for now I have decided to post mini-posts. These are things that I feel compelled to discuss, but that are maybe too long for a status update on Facebook. Feel free to comment or to suggest other pressing matters you feel need to be addressed. Obviously, the people of the world are anxiously awaiting our thoughts on a variety of topics; one might say they are even looking for guidance from us.<br />
<br />
So, this is what I am troubled by today (yesterday it was the disappointing non-deliciousness of root beer vodka) - Walk-in tub...sounds like a great idea. But, it looks like you would have to get in, close door, then run the water. That's a long time to sit there waiting to take a bath while the tub fills. And then you have to wait until it is almost empty to get out. This tub is aimed mostly at the elderly - I don't really think they have that kind of time to waste. Also, what if you have to get out in a hurry, let's say to pee or get a snack? There just seem to be so many things that the walk-in tub creators did not think of in regard to practicality. I really don't understand why people everywhere to not run their ideas by me before the jump in all willy-nilly, wasting people's time and flooding their houses.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7Jblk0n3LMaCMf_hIFl0Kf4GaNvFbIOFQg3joz7nBq5XvKkqfObI4Ve4fYt8u1jzqbClQs3CPSxrUpW1fdDbmIsCZjcF0vCNrBdlA-dsbw-bEj8qy5ApQppYpkik5SZwS6Qf_PKPc36Ne/s1600/walk+in+tub.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7Jblk0n3LMaCMf_hIFl0Kf4GaNvFbIOFQg3joz7nBq5XvKkqfObI4Ve4fYt8u1jzqbClQs3CPSxrUpW1fdDbmIsCZjcF0vCNrBdlA-dsbw-bEj8qy5ApQppYpkik5SZwS6Qf_PKPc36Ne/s1600/walk+in+tub.png" height="211" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFryRTPHCOqpeSeMNbClXnxZioeJWCbIxDyC8FKcY3yviduTWUnDpyZEaF4SVQc2lnC7-ueVBjq2wXevmPodI9MhJsJC1nKsYNY0S6EVDVEzQfwjw8Xd-s683ZWFZ6UK-0e8OM4UU8z1Sj/s1600/walk+in+tub+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFryRTPHCOqpeSeMNbClXnxZioeJWCbIxDyC8FKcY3yviduTWUnDpyZEaF4SVQc2lnC7-ueVBjq2wXevmPodI9MhJsJC1nKsYNY0S6EVDVEzQfwjw8Xd-s683ZWFZ6UK-0e8OM4UU8z1Sj/s1600/walk+in+tub+2.jpg" height="320" width="294" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sure, this guy looks relaxed now, but he doesn't<br />
have to pee yet.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-62314252063409686932013-12-20T10:25:00.001-05:002013-12-20T15:14:28.456-05:00Guess Y'all Better Duck<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You gotta keep your head down people. It's flying everywhere. And, if you work for A&E, this is the week to take your vacation. </span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJSDRjQhyhhUd1UOU7rqQQqE6BNH92zV6Fh7AWnjaPnEAgNiQNj8K84xTXKPTnPyMWtFSX5ZQoSTe3r39H3iKMLKH45q8pM0mxl2gm5YWI7edFKp1v-xrf7DFqBxXjf_ExlI263Rw40wf4/s1600/ay+and+raul.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJSDRjQhyhhUd1UOU7rqQQqE6BNH92zV6Fh7AWnjaPnEAgNiQNj8K84xTXKPTnPyMWtFSX5ZQoSTe3r39H3iKMLKH45q8pM0mxl2gm5YWI7edFKp1v-xrf7DFqBxXjf_ExlI263Rw40wf4/s200/ay+and+raul.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Raul Ibanez and Ahn Yong<br />fooling around. Until someone<br />ended up crying.</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have not written DTC for awhile because I just haven't had anything too exciting to say or share. The same old celebrity nonsense didn't seem worth ranting about (but oh my God, Kanye is trying hard to make me notice him). And, besides <a href="http://donkeystocollege.blogspot.com/2013/11/we-have-new-addition.html">the arrival of Raul Ibanez and Ahn Yong </a>there hasn't been too much fun/funny going on.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But now I have to pipe in with my thoughts on Duck Dynasty. I just can't let it go because it is so beyond ridiculous and stupid! Beyond! And, it seems like everyone has something to say about it. There are people in support of Phil's right to say what he wants without punishment and there are those that think he is disgusting and deserves to be fired. I'm annoyed by the whole thing because this outcome for those statements is exactly what anyone could have predicted. Why all the carrying on?</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you are not in the know - Phil, the family patriarch on Duck Dynasty made anti-gay remarks in a magazine interview. <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/12/18/showbiz/duck-dynasty-suspension/">For good measure, he also seems to think that black people were happy and had no issue with white people prior to be given the same civil rights</a> that white people enjoyed (like voting and not getting beaten to death for no reason). He is not in trouble at this time for the comments about black people, but rather for his anti-gay comments about homosexuality being a sin and comparing it to bestiality.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My issue is that I don't see what all the ruffled feathers are about (Ha ha, ruffled feathers, get it?...I didn't even do that on purpose...Really, I am a hoot). The Robertson family portrays themselves as backwoods ignorant hillbillies. So why are we all surprised and taken aback when one of them acts like an ignorant hillbilly? </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">(note - Phil Robertson and many of his family members are actually college educated and have made a boatload of money running a company selling their special duck calls. So, ignorant and small-minded, yes. Stupid, not so much.) </span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have a friend on Facebook who is annoyed that Phil was suspended. This isn't because she supports what he said but rather because she thinks that he should be allowed to think or say what he wants and that if people don't like it, they can show their displeasure by not watching his show. Why should A&E be forced to suspend him just to show they are being politically correct? I agree, in theory. But, this is all business. A&E is just doing damage control.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A&E produces a scripted "reality" show that shows us the life and times of coarse, unrefined <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoAn4nvFsjTXSaz8CYPe6O7CPOyFO4HGGitFiVRhZDc2RQ6s3ThTrEUqfjHo-yYFvsZzKcfwPz1Cvc3qSrlTMs9ixpJN5TZ3OwEWr66cLkx8Ibs3Y6M1_hr7QtFWJB9NlU810bqn2717SZ/s1600/200px-Duck_Dynasty_Promo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoAn4nvFsjTXSaz8CYPe6O7CPOyFO4HGGitFiVRhZDc2RQ6s3ThTrEUqfjHo-yYFvsZzKcfwPz1Cvc3qSrlTMs9ixpJN5TZ3OwEWr66cLkx8Ibs3Y6M1_hr7QtFWJB9NlU810bqn2717SZ/s200/200px-Duck_Dynasty_Promo.jpg" width="164" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Hate the hair. <br />Cannot even look at<br />those beards.</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
backwoods folks who are not affected by all their money (hello Beverly Hillbillies). These guys totally play up their whole persona (in my opinion). As long as people watch it, A&E is happy and probably couldn't care less what these people do. But, they can't risk losing viewers and advertisers from other shows just because of this one.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now that Phil has thrown a wrench into things, of course A&E is going to react. How could they not? Forget what the people who work at A&E might personally think (I'm sure many were appalled). The company has to do whatever keeps the money coming in. A&E had to decide which action would appease the most people/piss off the fewest.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">People say ignorant and hateful shit all the time. The way we send the message to them that we don't like it is to stop giving them a platform to say it. A&E wants people and advertisers to know that they are not going to put money into a show or produce a show that supports people who say and do hateful things (even if it's just because they think that's what the public wants from them). They didn't tell Phil Robertson he couldn't say certain things, but they have the right to disassociate themselves from him if he hurts the other projects they support.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, bottom line...you can say and do whatever you want. You just have to be willing to accept the consequences. We all make those choices every single day with everything we say and do. Phil Robertson felt that sharing his beliefs and thoughts was worth risking his show. He may have miscalculated his worth to A&E, but he didn't say those things without a thought that some people wouldn't like them. He didn't care. He wanted to say what he wanted to say. Good for him. I bet he wouldn't undo it either if you asked him.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On the plus side, now you know exactly who are you dealing with and you can decide if you want to read or see or hear anymore from him.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDuUTpnZvtGNP0xbVfMOfsT63POT18nAKaDvPUnnEZGDSkG5VxuHtXY6DNIX1G48ITOHejpQlTG-Dbhyz428R0d1PP18FYONIllpz5v5HrIcREakGhxs0Tppa2z_JGiKlbDNC7fE9sbnyG/s1600/free+speech.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDuUTpnZvtGNP0xbVfMOfsT63POT18nAKaDvPUnnEZGDSkG5VxuHtXY6DNIX1G48ITOHejpQlTG-Dbhyz428R0d1PP18FYONIllpz5v5HrIcREakGhxs0Tppa2z_JGiKlbDNC7fE9sbnyG/s200/free+speech.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Well, isn't that lucky?</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What I think would have made this whole story more interesting would have been if Kanye piped in. I mean, as the next Nelson Mandela he probably would have had a lot of deep and insightful shit to throw into the mix. I personally am waiting to see what the next thing Kanye does that causes Obama to call him a jackass. Oh wait!!! No, no, no. Not Kanye! We need Dennis Rodman! When does he get back from North Korea? He's the guy we need to sort this out.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**Next Up - the new social contract regarding winter holiday.**</span>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-8272220438554484642013-11-11T07:00:00.000-05:002013-11-11T07:42:35.660-05:00We Have A New Addition<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ha ha, no, it's not a baby. And PS, that's not even funny. What's funny about a 46-old-woman adding a new baby to the existing line-up of an 18-year-old boy and a 16-year-old girl? Nothing. That's what's funny about it. You guys have a warped sense of humor.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieugM0DsStAGYNtCnlKM1oocjKF4g8CcpTGQ5KKgt7QWtB4g-KbvUjeE8cdPxlnLaKl_uP-MAhbDl0A6XhIHTxuY779iQyiwkpN3t7cheL061nI-MV2Vyk_O3YsCETocH2VOBoHZfNfTRM/s1600/raul+8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieugM0DsStAGYNtCnlKM1oocjKF4g8CcpTGQ5KKgt7QWtB4g-KbvUjeE8cdPxlnLaKl_uP-MAhbDl0A6XhIHTxuY779iQyiwkpN3t7cheL061nI-MV2Vyk_O3YsCETocH2VOBoHZfNfTRM/s200/raul+8.jpg" width="150" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Look how sad Raul<br />was before he got a<br />real home.</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You know what <i>is</i> funny? And beyond super awesome? A 5 foot tall metal chicken. That's right, I said it. I finally found Raul Ibanez!!! He is perfect in every way. He is fun. He appreciates a good joke. He does not poop or make noise or ever talk back. He is totally chill.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just a little back story for you...about a year and half ago I read a post by The Bloggess. <a href="http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/">She had written about how she bought a big metal chicken</a> instead of towels. It was the first thing I'd ever read by her and it was hysterical! I was wildly amused by the idea of having a big metal chicken. I mean that is something that is going to be funny every time you look at it. Who wouldn't want one? </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I decided to name my chicken Raul Ibanez. I like saying that. It's very catchy. At the time I picked the name, the real Raul Ibanez played for the Phillies, my home team. Before I could find my own chicken (who knew it would be that hard), Raul got traded. I don't remember where. But, I kept the name, because I just felt that my chicken, who I knew would one day end up with me, was named Raul Ibanez.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I looked and looked for my own chicken. But alas, none was to be found that was more than 2 feet tall. That's cute and all, but not funny or useful. I finally found one online for $800. Um, no thank you. Sigh. This went on for over a year and half.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And then...there he was!! The Party and I were visiting LG and The Boss (TB) (<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=320113616105723104#editor/target=post;postID=4776670993035034940;onPublishedMenu=posts;onClosedMenu=posts;postNum=3;src=postname">click here if you don't remember why that's their names</a>) in Rehobeth Beach. We were just walking along and there was Raul Ibanez! I went right into the store he was in front of to ask the price. Way better than $800, but not as low as I was hoping. I needed to think on it a little. Well, the more I thought about it, the more it was totally worth it. I mean it's a big 5 foot tall metal chicken! Years of enjoyment would be mine. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Party, who is a little skeptical about fun, couldn't believe I was really going to buy Raul, but I did. I told Party it could be my Chanukah present. That seemed to help him reconcile the expense. I also told him that really, it was a bargain. If I had wanted a piece of jewelry for Chanukah, that would have cost more money <i>and</i> I wouldn't even have enjoyed it as much. This is a gift that will make me happy every day and he didn't even have to think up something to buy me. Honestly, he really should have thanked me. I think I'm going to tell him that.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We had The Party's car with us, which Raul Ibanez wouldn't fit in, so LG took him to her house at home (she had her SUV). Essentially, LG fostered Raul for us for two weeks until we could come get him. They spent a lot of quality time together and Raul really adjusted well to domestic living.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This morning, Raul's first day home, The Party says to me "There is a big chicken in the living room." "I know! Isn't it awesome?! Didn't you totally smile when you saw him?" "No. He scared me. I think he moved a little." "Oh my god! Do you really think he moved? That would be so cool." Party just looked at me and went into the kitchen to get some coffee (not for Raul I might add).</span><br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAazAjZGNvpR1M_TWixKjNZneFCYBCG63nl5veelMuCFIC4NhisojySIw3oKUV7C5xxeJEW6xRxpWxxvXkStgth1WFhwY9WUNnL-Tc05okbzEfzSjzk4cJdUNe5mCSmN4mS-cvs_5O1LFR/s1600/raul4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAazAjZGNvpR1M_TWixKjNZneFCYBCG63nl5veelMuCFIC4NhisojySIw3oKUV7C5xxeJEW6xRxpWxxvXkStgth1WFhwY9WUNnL-Tc05okbzEfzSjzk4cJdUNe5mCSmN4mS-cvs_5O1LFR/s320/raul4.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>LG taught Raul some life skills.</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFcTJ5Bg5x2w1m2QpcDl4V7qHACZD2jE25tSvWPXpxQZXv6uTsjZTY7WLkzJi5YxHUZvhByAERtZ2Zi8mKKjuJD5V5Xt_Ju5GHiUJEZY6C9Hnjs6Y8eUZXm6kujssLHMvJbUf4HFqntth-/s1600/raul5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFcTJ5Bg5x2w1m2QpcDl4V7qHACZD2jE25tSvWPXpxQZXv6uTsjZTY7WLkzJi5YxHUZvhByAERtZ2Zi8mKKjuJD5V5Xt_Ju5GHiUJEZY6C9Hnjs6Y8eUZXm6kujssLHMvJbUf4HFqntth-/s320/raul5.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Raul Ibanez practiced his soccer.<br />He hopes to play travel next year.</span></b></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguxnn9bZ5fqcaywx9_6ZowzeqZtrXWJ0uQdSSSfal0Rjk97WTy1fGcvGCx8ATfFpYy255eh-7ZLzIdG1ey-nbkaOPA5vSr6I-ILgp3YO9annAG_X2qipNJSnUK3kMOHoMt0xC_UU7tKbSk/s1600/raul+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguxnn9bZ5fqcaywx9_6ZowzeqZtrXWJ0uQdSSSfal0Rjk97WTy1fGcvGCx8ATfFpYy255eh-7ZLzIdG1ey-nbkaOPA5vSr6I-ILgp3YO9annAG_X2qipNJSnUK3kMOHoMt0xC_UU7tKbSk/s320/raul+1.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Even the best chickens sometimes<br />get into trouble when they are<br />not being supervised.</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX22E3IJpYGXvI31eMu0wRmL8Rx1ERPNP8iKsKw6jA2IN0UUmfi-8PjGsrb56urm9tbf21aIhB7HtkhRIY3xKphlKMuoD3Me_LjSNdiXY1V93UJwSJBlz4rwQmM18oMFPYLvXY-P8s_bUZ/s1600/raul+with+wine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX22E3IJpYGXvI31eMu0wRmL8Rx1ERPNP8iKsKw6jA2IN0UUmfi-8PjGsrb56urm9tbf21aIhB7HtkhRIY3xKphlKMuoD3Me_LjSNdiXY1V93UJwSJBlz4rwQmM18oMFPYLvXY-P8s_bUZ/s320/raul+with+wine.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Finally, Raul is relaxing in<br />his new forever home.</b></span></td></tr>
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-26562340170648963922013-09-13T10:53:00.000-04:002013-09-13T10:53:32.740-04:00You Know How To Take The Reservation...<span style="color: purple;">"...you just don't know how to hold the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them."</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">For those of you who are a normal age, you know where this quote is from. And, the scene was very funny except for the part where the whole thing was kind of true and therefore, not funny. A paradox, if you will (Look at us using fancy words and concepts).</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">I thought of this quote the other day when I had to call a restaurant <i>back</i> in order to <i>keep</i> my reservation. WTF? <i> I</i> called <i>you</i> in the first place! Why do I have to return your confirmation phone call, that I missed, just to keep my spot!?!? It's all I can do to get my sh*t together enough to call and make reservations and doctor and hair appointments in the first place! Now I have to add to that the panic of calling back ASAP so as not lose my reservation? No thank you!</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><b>Restaurant: </b> </span><span style="color: #274e13;">Hi! (fake cheery voice) We're calling to confirm your reservation (that you made less than 24 hours ago) for 7 people at 8:30pm tomorrow. You now have 1 minute and 16 seconds to call us back before we give your table away. Go.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><b>Me:</b> </span><span style="color: #274e13;">Wait. What?! I'm in my car. I can't look up the number and there are no red lights between here and my house! I cannot reach my Xanax. I'm seeing white. Deep breath. Deep breath.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">Some places will call and "remind" you of your appointment or reservation and ask you to call back IF you CAN'T keep it. That's great. Reminding me of anything is always a good idea. Example of why:</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><b>My Mother: </b> </span><span style="color: #274e13;">Is it okay if I stop by your house tomorrow between my appointments?</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><b>Me:</b> </span><span style="color: #274e13;">Of course. Just so you know though, I will probably forget, but you can still come.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><b>My Mother the Next Day after letting herself in while I am upstairs: </b> </span><span style="color: #274e13;">Hello? Hello?</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><b>Me: </b> </span><span style="color: #274e13;">Aaaaaaaahhhh!!! What!?!? Oh my god!! Oh. It's you. Hi.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">So, you see all reminder phone calls are not bad. Just ones I have to return/acknowledge.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><b>OMG!!! Someone just called my name! I'm totally going<br />to be killed! I also have this same level of reaction when <br />someone walks up quietly next to me when I'm reading<br /> my book and starts a conversation in a normal voice.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-84382747163457541372013-08-22T16:38:00.000-04:002013-08-22T16:40:23.186-04:00Being One Is Not The Same As Having One, But It's A Blurred Line<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm a little late to the party, but I still feel compelled to share some thoughts about this <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Just FYI, this isn't Alan Thicke,<br />Growing Pain's Dr. Jason <br />Seavor. I don't think he <br />would be amused. At all.</b></span></td></tr>
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summer's stuck-in-your-head-catch-yourself-singing-nasty-lyrics song. There has been lots of buzz about both the song and its accompanying video. Yes, Blurred Lines. I would bet that by this point Robin Thicke himself is sick of singing it and hearing it. Yeah well, serves you right dude, you started it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I managed to ignore the song the first half of the summer. This is mostly because I happened to, for some reason, only ever catch a bit or piece of it. It never got my attention and I'm not a Robin Thicke follower, so I just didn't pay it much mind. Then The Party stepped in. He told me he had watched the uncensored video for the song when he went to see what the big deal was. The big deal is that the video has mostly naked girls dancing around. Teeny tiny bottoms and no tops. Party seemed more amused by the Jimmy Kimmel spoof of the video (though no doubt he wasn't at all troubled by naked boobs in the other one).</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Off I go to see if women everywhere should be outraged. And then, before I found the video, I found the best thing! Okay, not the "best thing," but way better than the video. I found the <a href="http://s2ez%24vhbm_/">Jimmy Fallon and The Roots sing along with Robin Thicke</a> video. Totally Beyawesome! Jimmy Fallon and The Roots have a few videos like this. They are in a little tiny room with classroom instruments and a guest "star" and they all sing whatever song together. Jimmy Fallon could not be happier. Honestly, go watch these videos. </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, after I see this video and have a sudden interest in Robin Thicke and The Roots (I am always impressed when people can actually perform live and do a good job) and wish I could be friends with Jimmy Fallon, I decide I should still go watch the uncensored video of the song. I should have stuck with Jimmy and The Roots.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't even know where to start except to say the clearly the entire song and video was conceptualized and created by a room full of 15-year-old boys. I bet it was like an AP project or something for them. If I was Robin Thicke's wife I wouldn't even be annoyed he's all over naked girls, I would just be shaking my head and asking "Dude, what is wrong with you?"</span><br />
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<b><u><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Blurred Lines video is horrendous (big, giant whistle for the video). Here is why:</span></u></b><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1. It is poorly lip-synced.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. Despite the topless girls, the video isn't sexy.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. There doesn't seem be any actual reason for the girls to be topless, they are just dancing around.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">4. Even uncensored, you can't really hear all the words to the rap.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5. I looked up the words to the rap - it's filthy. (The rap in The Roots video is great!! And clever and cute).</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6. It's a boring, all white set. Except for the silver mylar balloons that spell out "Robin Thicke has a big d*ck." Really?! Someone gave that the green light but still has their job? You see why I think teenage boys were involved? We are totally adding a smack to that whistle.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">7. Of course, they had to make a clean version, you can't show the original anyplace like MTV or VH1.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As I spouted off all the things wrong with the video to Boy and The Party, they laughed and laughed at me (Boy even posted several rude and mocking tweets about me and my opinions). Pretty much, Party informed me that there are naked breasts in the video, so no one cares about that other stuff. Boy then chuckled and elbowed Party, "But Dad, they can't show it on MTV." (more snorting and laughing) Then he looked at me and said "They play videos on MTV?" (side holding and chortling) Yes, you guys are so funny! Not.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As for the song itself, it certainly is catchy, no doubt. There has been some buzz that it is a copy of <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/16/robin-thicke-sues-marvin-gayes-family-blurred-lines_n_3767108.html">Marvin Gaye's "Got to Give it Up"</a>. You can also feel the "Kiss" by Prince vibe working with the falsetto/regular voice thing. The "original," "non-tribute" part of the song, the rap, is a disaster. As mentioned, the words are awful, it's not rapped well, and they have to bleep out so much of it, it's pointless.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: purple;">For extra good measure, if you are not generally offended by the song's words, part-way through there is a line "You're the hottest bitch in this place." Because that is inappropriate and offensive, when the song is played on some radio stations they voice over it with the word "ho." I don't even understand that. It defies understanding. "Ho" is not better! (We could spend all day discussing the other words in songs that the radio stations, for some reason, thinks are fine for general listening). </span><span style="color: purple;">Almost forgot! "I feel so lucky, you wanna hug me. What rhymes with hug me?" That last part is for those of us who didn't "get" what he was trying to say (no doubt, more work by teenage boys). In an odd twist of things, Robin doesn't come out say "f*ck me" even in the uncensored video. Apparently, <i>that</i> is over the line. I guess the line is less blurred when it comes to the f-bomb. Who knew?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh yeah, the final verse throws in marijuana smoking. Really, this song has something for everyone. And PS, where is Tipper Gore when you need her?</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I guess Robin is not happy that<br />our view of his (possibly) big<br />business is being blocked.</b></span></td></tr>
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<b><u><span style="color: #cc0000;">Summary</span></u></b><br />
<span style="color: purple;">*Song is not appropriate for children.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">*Video is poorly done and stupid. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">*Jimmy Fallon version of song is very fun (ignoring that the song is still not really g-rated, but ev).</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">*I really want to go see The Roots now (who are from Philadelphia, so clearly we are meant to be friends).</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">*I kind of want to know if Robin Thicke does have a big d*ck.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">*Please know that I am using the work "d*ck" instead of you know, the real word, because I don't want to start getting spam comments or obscene e-mails when this post comes up for people searching for "big d*cks." Ditto "f*ck."</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;">*Jimmy Kimmel's spoof of the video is funny, but there are no naked breasts if that affects your decision to watch it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">The End</span>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-47106377783750106612013-08-18T23:22:00.000-04:002013-08-19T00:30:27.899-04:00A Halfway House For Kids Reentering Society<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This is SB before her release from <strike>prison</strike> camp.<br />She is the one with the ball. She is with her<br />"campies' (yes I made up that word and it cracks <br />me up) so she is happy and pleasant.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple;">Yeah, so SB is back from overnight camp. We counted down the days. We couldn't wait to see her. I believe we made it about 24 hours before I had to check the camp website to see how many days until camp starts next year (313 as of today).</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">After the initial round of hugs and pleasantries, all questions and comments were met with disdain and looks of disgust. Why would we ask that? How would she know? What do you even mean? Why do you care? Then add the nodding, patronizing smile, eye roll and "okay" when we tell her she needs to stop being so prickly. When we get further annoyed she huffs "I'm not even doing anything!" Sigh.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">I think the problem is that the kids spend 7 weeks at camp with no parental supervision or daily input. I also think that we need to start treating campers like released convicts in an attempt to help them more smoothly reenter society. You know, help them be a success on the outside.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">It really does make sense if you give it some thought. Like people in prison, campers have limited access to the outside world. They can only call home a once or twice (if at all) the whole summer. They only get one family visit for the whole seven weeks. The only news or outside information they get is what camp tells them or what they get from letters. The food is passable, but not fabulous. The beds and bunk houses are clean, but hardly luxurious. Ditto the showers.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">I am well aware that camp is waayyyyy better than being in prison. Plus, it has the added benefit of not <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjpyUzK_ZQDNxBFfU-xhN6zPK7E6WsOwmui3kcmOaF5qUb3tlJnFPGTeWU63nDlf-leXWYhIAufgI5Zmb-4_WZqMzzQ7YAbMxXOkyxDXov_X8Z8JJHtvV1gH9wcVGGBpkfSnjy6a1G39LQ/s1600/blog+halfway+house+bus.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="163" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjpyUzK_ZQDNxBFfU-xhN6zPK7E6WsOwmui3kcmOaF5qUb3tlJnFPGTeWU63nDlf-leXWYhIAufgI5Zmb-4_WZqMzzQ7YAbMxXOkyxDXov_X8Z8JJHtvV1gH9wcVGGBpkfSnjy6a1G39LQ/s200/blog+halfway+house+bus.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This the halfway house <br />bus. Note the campers look<br /> a little disoriented.</b></span></td></tr>
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being something you have to be embarrassed about when people ask where your kid is. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">I have figured out how to deal with these <strike>released convicts</strike> home-bound campers. They should go to halfway houses for campers for a week. It's perfect because when overnight camp ends, there is still a week of day camp left, so it gets them home right when everyone else finishes up with their summer activities.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">At the halfway house, the campers would have some chores and the house mothers would keep a little bit closer tabs on them than the counselors at camp did. For instance, the housemother might ask if they've brushed their teeth or washed their hands (at all this week). The house mother would make the campers store their clothing on shelves and in drawers and not keep everything randomly strewn around the floor, as the campers had become accustomed to doing. The housemother would also give extra chores to any campers who rolled their eyes or who gave snotty answers to reasonable questions. She would slowly reintroduce computer and phone time. That way, when the camper got home, she wouldn't have to spend the first 48 hours on the computer and phone with the people she just left.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmaQuRE1DtRkIdvn7zc9bnyw0_a8wyIxDP0LPRaG3s0bcKwHJCg-8ZTK2U3j4VXLQHLUInUIsgjbG3GRrj5tPgdjBBoNBWWxdiq_Xh1CHmuLPMusrm7u2jEu17A0fIp6_EbbNYiAOBLtK9/s1600/blog+women+in+prison.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmaQuRE1DtRkIdvn7zc9bnyw0_a8wyIxDP0LPRaG3s0bcKwHJCg-8ZTK2U3j4VXLQHLUInUIsgjbG3GRrj5tPgdjBBoNBWWxdiq_Xh1CHmuLPMusrm7u2jEu17A0fIp6_EbbNYiAOBLtK9/s320/blog+women+in+prison.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><strike>Prisons</strike> Camps of yesteryear.<br />Everyone is dressed the same and huddled<br />together, likely complaining about the food.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple;">Essentially, each bunk at camp is their own little prison gang. The halfway houses would have campers from all different camps, so each camper had a few friends, but wasn't surrounded by all<strike> the members of their gang </strike>their camp friends. It would help them get used to not being surrounded by 8-10 of their closest friends 24/7. This would also foster the desire to go home to the familiar because campers don't like anything new or anything to change; they would be horrified by new people from other camps with whom they were supposed to mingle.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">Once the campers were released to their parents, they would be happy to see their parents and be ready to focus their full attention on their family and home friends. Once they had been camp-detoxed, their homecoming would be a pleasure for all and neither parents nor children would have to immediately start the countdown for the next year's camp date.</span><br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-25092585827377800022013-08-05T22:12:00.000-04:002013-08-07T13:26:31.458-04:00That And A Dollar Will Get You A Cup Of Coffee<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We can make this another $25,000 Pyramid Category - Things That Are Worthless. Or, perhaps better named - Things That Require A Throat Punch. How cool would it be if we could actually get them to make an episode of the show with all the categories we want? The possibilities are endless! Things That Explain Why Your Neighbor's Husband Is Sleeping In The Yard, Reasons Why Your Kid Is Out In Public With No Pants, Things You Find In A Mom's Mini Van...</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As fun as this game would be (and I am totally trying to figure out a way I can make this into a real game and become rich before someone steals my brilliant idea), I started out writing this post because I felt there was a real need for a list of topics that need to be banned as well as people who need to shut the f@*$ up. If I had addresses, <a href="http://donkeystocollege.blogspot.com/2011/12/if-you-are-easily-distracwait-what.html">I'd be sending out DTC STFU</a> bracelet <a href="http://donkeystocollege.blogspot.com/2012/01/find-problem.html">(considering a reprint of those)</a>. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<b><u><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">STFU List </span></u></b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitu5eOEmFpRkcmIJkh3yThsVHCdMhj5PvBD3hTUgdCGTEoUrwvkhEA7ICiSF6jFAVFCS34IuKnRtgQnbtyGvfFth4y_v_0WbTiE8YXazzVf03r2YxoMjeMTTKOUcD1s9FvOnMq14wDyhqD/s1600/useless.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitu5eOEmFpRkcmIJkh3yThsVHCdMhj5PvBD3hTUgdCGTEoUrwvkhEA7ICiSF6jFAVFCS34IuKnRtgQnbtyGvfFth4y_v_0WbTiE8YXazzVf03r2YxoMjeMTTKOUcD1s9FvOnMq14wDyhqD/s200/useless.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Right up there with fat free<br />ice cream or cheese.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">1.</span><span style="color: purple;"> </span><u><span style="color: #cc0000;">Ted Nugent.</span></u><span style="color: purple;"> I refused to even read past the headlines because he is such an ass. He called Stevie Wonder "brain dead" for boycotting Florida and he is saying Zimmerman should sue Travon's parents. Everyone is welcome to their opinion, but you are an ass. Obs, whistle and smack.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. <u>The Boston Bomber.</u></span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> This is more aimed at the media and their need to plaster his picture everywhere anytime there is mention of the story. An especially big smack goes to Rolling Stone Magazine. This guy and his brother killed and maimed innocent people. They have destroyed people's lives and have added one more thing all of us have to worry about when we gather together for community and charity events. No one, but the victims in particular, should be forced to see this guy's face everywhere they look. The public doesn't need any more "get to know you/ life story" information on Tsarnaev brothers.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. <u>All Kardashians.</u></span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> And anyone married to or sleeping with them. I assume no explanation is needed.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">4. <u>Paula Deen.</u> </span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> My God woman!! Whatever you did or did not say/do 25+ years ago would not be biting you so hard in the ass right now if you would JUST STOP TALKING. And for the love of cheese, hire someone to do damage control for you and do every single thing they tell you to do. Oh, and JUST STOP TALKING.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5. <u> All news from American sources regarding the Royal Birth.</u> </span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> We get it, Kate and Will had a baby. Snore. There is not one thing about that requires this level of reporting, speculating or commentary. The birth of this baby does not affect Americans in any way! It doesn't even affect anybody British, they just have some weird interest in continuing to have a Royal Family. I do not care what Harry thinks about getting knocked further out of the running for King. I don't care what diet and exercise regimen Kate plans to follow to get back into pre-baby shape. I do not want to see weeks and weeks worth of baby pictures with thoughts on which former monarchs the baby might resemble.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6. <u>Anthony Weiner.</u></span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Anyone who is friends with Anthony Weiner. Anyone who wants to talk<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEB3yWbKHoPmgoepQRVJXuGSvmB3V2OPmX1st-mLfbgCNnsgefyDz2pb7Rj_pXYUc-W6WHLLFYP3lKI3Ge_2fg6XBWyquZQLt5TnS-cBTSl1fCv1eVzPfBMhPyP-mwyQVztx4RtDu8YnDC/s1600/useless+parenting+question.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEB3yWbKHoPmgoepQRVJXuGSvmB3V2OPmX1st-mLfbgCNnsgefyDz2pb7Rj_pXYUc-W6WHLLFYP3lKI3Ge_2fg6XBWyquZQLt5TnS-cBTSl1fCv1eVzPfBMhPyP-mwyQVztx4RtDu8YnDC/s200/useless+parenting+question.gif" width="145" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'm sure Giselle<br />or Tory Spelling<br />can shed some light.</b></span></td></tr>
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about Anthony Weiner. Your last name is Weiner and you texted pictures of your junk - you will forever be a joke. And really, really yucky.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is all I have for now. Definitely let me know if we need to add anyone. I'm sure we do. Who's the latest celeb mom whose lost all her baby weight and will probably write a book telling us the best way to parent now that she's had one baby for 5 minutes and is an expert? Whoever that is, she can be on the list. Also on the list can be whatever sports figure has completely trashed his reputation and risked his career this week by being an asshat. </span>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-34379018402236774142013-08-01T22:57:00.000-04:002013-08-02T08:31:43.221-04:00Things That Are Ill-Advised<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I only wish they still had the $25,000 Pyramid on TV because this would be an excellent <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSzLxpYoDB3R-NsxHDaXFGjXjwT-YC2puOsbRDEiyyzWMqTg1CTs44P1Z0MbnUGNla2CVzOhlJqBRBEq2rWbn9prg-0YtNF2CyxaENpH8suzQDzre7r4B3BP022_TzsJdx6ZADKSRoqgk0/s1600/blog+pyramid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSzLxpYoDB3R-NsxHDaXFGjXjwT-YC2puOsbRDEiyyzWMqTg1CTs44P1Z0MbnUGNla2CVzOhlJqBRBEq2rWbn9prg-0YtNF2CyxaENpH8suzQDzre7r4B3BP022_TzsJdx6ZADKSRoqgk0/s200/blog+pyramid.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This category could<br />be for the adult version.</b></span></td></tr>
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category. Below would be the clues. Since the show's not on, you can just use the clues as a handy list of things you should really think through before you do. You might even want to laminate the list and carry it with you.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1. <b><u>Most Hawaiian Shirt</u></b>s - unless you are in Hawaii, the trend has kind of passed. There are only a few I have seen recently that worked. They mostly look like ugly drapery that has been made into shirts.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. <b><u> Most Print Pants</u></b> - of all print pants in the entire world, only about 1% are actually cute. Add to that that only about 1% of the population is going to be able to pull off said pants. That's a pretty low chance for a good match up (I'm sure there is some formula for an actual percentage, but I don't have that kind of time). Sadly, there are<i> a lot</i> of people who think they are in this elite group. To avoid further cringe-worthy mishaps, I think they should just stop making print pants altogether.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. <b><u>Singing any Kind of Top Hit Song or Song by an Iconic Singer</u></b> - just don't. I am talking about any song that is so awesome and/or well known that everyone knows/loves it. Unless you can kick its ass or come up with a completely new way to do it (you can't), don't. I don't care if you are on TV, doing bar karaoke or at your cousin's wedding. Look at the Glee kids. They are really good singers, but their Don't Stop Believing pales in comparison to the original. Steve Perry owns that song. Put on the list anything by Mariah, Whitney, Celine or Aretha. Also, for you guys out there, some songs only work because of the singer. If you are not Kenny Rogers or Neil Diamond, then you can't sing The Gambler or Sweet Caroline.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW7fKjCnaaZdPJUDLV7oYm-IQ35NCYGDZf8bc_myX2KV1nrWBqmeYMwqbZhFTZM9S0lFB4lyFKSIsBuS6O08KBG77ycq_KArPJevawy75YjPmx5WE9NvM3Ttuo3gB8gLt8oDIPOrxZLhR2/s1600/blog+smart+why.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW7fKjCnaaZdPJUDLV7oYm-IQ35NCYGDZf8bc_myX2KV1nrWBqmeYMwqbZhFTZM9S0lFB4lyFKSIsBuS6O08KBG77ycq_KArPJevawy75YjPmx5WE9NvM3Ttuo3gB8gLt8oDIPOrxZLhR2/s200/blog+smart+why.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Just so you know, when<br />your kid asks why, it's<br />not because he's smart<br />like Einstein. He's annoying,<br />like all other kids.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">4. <b><u>Answering any "Why" Questions Past the First One </u></b>- if a child asks "why" in response to something you've told him or a request he's made, feel free to give a reason. The first time. All further "whys" will result in your blood pressure going up and the child in question's health and safety being jeopardized. Kids think the "Why" game is a fun sport. They can play all day and they won't even notice that your face is turning purple. They're clueless/evil.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5. <b><u>Doing Anything Other Than Walking After You Eat</u></b> - you are not 20 anymore. I don't care if you are in great shape, you're old and your body cannot digest and do something else at the same time. Even walking away from the table is a stretch. Any attempts to run, exercise, ride amusements or dance are going to end poorly. And you know what, throw sex in there too. It would probably make you throw up. Don't say I didn't warn you.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6. <b><u>Stocking up on Food Your Family Likes</u></b> - you might as well burn your money. If you buy something once and your family likes it, you'll often buy it again. If it goes over big a second time you will think you are being smart to buy a larger size or extras. Sucker. Trying to save money or save yourself an extra trip to the market absolutely guarantees that no one in your family will ever eat or drink said item again. Fact.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I will be thinking up other some other Pyramid categories because this is almost as fun a game as <a href="http://donkeystocollege.blogspot.com/2011/01/news-not-news.html">News/Not News</a>. I will be also be thinking of how we can turn it into a drinking game since I don't think anyone is going to pony up 25k for us to use as prize money.</span>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-63578473848923935792013-07-19T10:37:00.000-04:002013-07-30T16:08:30.621-04:00Know Your Customer<span style="color: purple;">As I was about to get started writing this, several people posted onto Facebook the link to this new parenting method - it's called <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-vienna/latest-parenting-trend-ctfd-method_b_3588031.html">CTFD</a> - "Calm the F*ck Down." Our friend Josyln from Stark.Raving.Mad.Mommy. even gave her take on it at <a href="http://www.redbookmag.com/kids-family/blogs/mom-blog/ctfd-parenting-method">Redbook.com</a>.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">I think it's pretty weird that as I was formulating my parenting tips there would be a sudden rush on parenting tips. Now it kind of looks like I am just jumping on the bandwagon. Well, I'm not. I had my ideas earlier this week, I just didn't get to the writing it down part. So really, I am a procrastinator, not a copy-cat. Just so you know. No really, I thought of this Monday. I did.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">Anyhoo - back to knowing your customer...this is for parents AND children. I think this revolutionary idea will help parents feel less guilty and help kids be less annoying and unconscious to the world around them. Win-win.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEginyg_J9TBEqViADPvijzZO2bG876O9vUVZxnrayWtPunGBQYq8xsqbbLdWxjho6wxh4iI80iJGSM6skMTW729ZOU-bOYurwAfXxjFzwQkWieIV4iWMP-Okhpy-pbzxIn3g-NDFjXQJSrs/s1600/blog+-+fresh+daughter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="color: purple;"><img border="0" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEginyg_J9TBEqViADPvijzZO2bG876O9vUVZxnrayWtPunGBQYq8xsqbbLdWxjho6wxh4iI80iJGSM6skMTW729ZOU-bOYurwAfXxjFzwQkWieIV4iWMP-Okhpy-pbzxIn3g-NDFjXQJSrs/s200/blog+-+fresh+daughter.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>It's always important to remain<br />a caring and nurturing parent.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple;">A lot of parents try not to yell at their kids too much. They don't want to be too shouty. They don't want their kids to feel upset or scared or bad about themselves. No. Stop thinking this way. It's good to yell. And you know what, your kids totally know when you are about to lose it and start yelling - but yet, they keep going. Kids like consistency. They like to know what to expect. If they are being jerks (that's right, I said jerks) and you don't yell at them, they become confused. They don't really think you're angry or upset if you talk calmly to them. Kids are pretty slow learners. Quiet soothing voice means happy/not in trouble. Yelling means knock it off/big trouble. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">First, let me say I don't mean ripping your kid a new one Most crappy, annoying kid behavior doesn't warrant reducing your kid to a sniveling heap of pitiful. Name calling and being mean and sarcastic is rarely an effective parenting tool, nor is it nice or a good example of how to handle anger. Unless your kid has carjacked someone or is a drug dealer, simple yelling will suffice.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">"Why" you ask? I will tell you. Sometimes children don't understand their native language unless it is spoken to them in a loud voice. Scientists can't figure out why this is, but it's a fact (it is). Children try to apply this concept when dealing with you as well. They firmly believe that if they yell/whine/scream something louder, then it's more true. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">But wait, there's more. When you raise your voice and sound annoyed or aggravated, you are helping your <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZH8z7uUqWvpPe-SEtZ59fEwfPNRJyxI7oW_utxmR8xDh06sNx35_hKf9Nn-QI9-G1d94519UEVWy4jHp_Mxo9v21Th2kWphbUByiKMaxFuc8IDlmwUrUebqZ6ewWyuz6vkiDZb5AeXuuV/s1600/blog+-+I+will+cut+you.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZH8z7uUqWvpPe-SEtZ59fEwfPNRJyxI7oW_utxmR8xDh06sNx35_hKf9Nn-QI9-G1d94519UEVWy4jHp_Mxo9v21Th2kWphbUByiKMaxFuc8IDlmwUrUebqZ6ewWyuz6vkiDZb5AeXuuV/s200/blog+-+I+will+cut+you.jpg" width="148" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This mom is caring and<br />loving and is helping </b></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>her kids avoid injury.</b></span></td></tr>
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child learn to "know your customer." That is an important survival skill people. It's akin to knowing not to poke a bear. It's just more subtle. Kids need to learn what will set you off. If they don't want to hear you yell or get a time-out or lose a privilege, they need to learn how to act right and listen the first time. This will help them in school, the work world and life in general.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">Think about it. By the time you were 8 or 9 you knew exactly what you better not do/ get caught doing if you didn't want your mom or dad to go totally batcrap crazy on you. This translates into real world ability. At this point in your life you know not to provoke some thug on the street who looks menacing. If you walk up to that guy and call him a punk-ass bitch he's not going to calmly tell you that those words were hurtful and that you shouldn't judge people by what they look like. He's going to pound you into next week. You know this because your parents yelled at you.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">In summary, what I am telling you is that by yelling at your kids they are learning what behavior will keep you from yelling. Learning how to judge people and their reactions and what they do and do not like will help your kids make friends, be more pleasant to be around and keep them out of danger.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">I know some of you extra nice, super-nurturing parents out there are still feeling unsure that raising your voice to make your point is emotionally healthy for your kids, but trust me, it is. This concept has been extensively studied at the DTC Institute for Technology and Science-y Stuff. I will offer you a little tip if you are feeling squeamish or don't know how to get started yelling at your kids. When my kids were little and they were really starting to make me angry, I would say "If I say this again, I am going to be yelling it." It goes back to the slow learner thing. It actually worked. And by worked I mean that I didn't feel the least bit bad when I finally had to yell.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjvKi-PCZAT38XWB42AAXEMj35qXNfbI3D60FRpE00W8FdkmRdoGPL4bPMoKhX0Lg32mjhTqtJn_F74M6L9zBtsLFn7O-RHpwa8PGGCGUpkm6_0jFj_8vQTAdOZskZV2eh6Ad792TK4NcJ/s1600/blog+-+mom+drinking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjvKi-PCZAT38XWB42AAXEMj35qXNfbI3D60FRpE00W8FdkmRdoGPL4bPMoKhX0Lg32mjhTqtJn_F74M6L9zBtsLFn7O-RHpwa8PGGCGUpkm6_0jFj_8vQTAdOZskZV2eh6Ad792TK4NcJ/s200/blog+-+mom+drinking.jpg" width="145" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>See! Moms who are<br />calm and don't yell<br />HAVE to drink. You<br />can drink just because<br />you want to.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple;">Oh my God, I totally forgot that the whole yelling thing is also good for your mental and physical health. Instead of bottling up your rage and masking it with alcohol and medication, you will feel more relaxed and mentally refreshed. If you yell, you won't need so much or wine or vodka or Xanax. That's actually supposed to sound like a good thing even though it sounds a little sad.</span><br />
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Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-60801681681145787402013-07-11T22:09:00.000-04:002013-07-19T15:58:52.156-04:00Beware: This Could Happen To You<div style="text-align: left;">
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV9nvagOFvrquQkqZTnedLLjnRrpCBinj1HmhI6qhrtxKkwG3xvLq0uoPuNL6Gk4615Uge2YERSmfhl_5dAkBkDFoiemj2cmovQZLfQMUgdLJPSFXY_6s9ZmGChuvjo8Xh945L_sjs1bT3/s1600/going+to+college.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV9nvagOFvrquQkqZTnedLLjnRrpCBinj1HmhI6qhrtxKkwG3xvLq0uoPuNL6Gk4615Uge2YERSmfhl_5dAkBkDFoiemj2cmovQZLfQMUgdLJPSFXY_6s9ZmGChuvjo8Xh945L_sjs1bT3/s200/going+to+college.gif" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This is merely a representation<br />exaggerated for humor purposes.<br />I would never act like this. <br /> I wouldn't. You don't know.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't want to alarm anyone, but my life is basically over/meaningless. The Boy will be going to the University of Delaware in the fall and tomorrow he has his orientation. I will skip over telling you how ridiculous it is that they charge the students AND the parents for orientation (two separate ones of course) and get right to the my life is over part.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I signed on to be the mom of children. Chil-dren. Not grown-ups. *I'm* a grown-up (for argument's sake)!! How can I be expected to parent what is essentially a contemporary? I mean, he is starting college and I am practically just out of college - how can I be his parent? Oh? What's that you say? I got out of college almost 25 years ago? Are you sure? That just does not sound right.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sigh. I don't see how it's fair that I want to be the mother of people I can pick up and cuddle and kiss whenever I want and instead I have a daughter who towers over me and a son whose whiskers rub on my face when I kiss him. Don't get me wrong, I am well aware of the benefits of older children. Lots of great things, not the least of which is that I can go wherever I want pretty much whenever I want and don't need a babysitter. Don't think that's not a dream. But still, I liked it better when we all agreed I knew best and people begged for my attention.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">...Two days later</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I didn't finish the post before we left for orientation. And now I'm back. And I still think the <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5JQ7ENXfIZzJ5xmPRk-XiQdXUcE8-MBtC9fPZxFESYQeJrex9Kle9gwyceZMm5z-5WL4_cnNJIAR-ISJzVZtjOH8Ya-uE7OdPMi97RjcwiVTYGlJ50O0yfOUQt4t-YwubQYZu_jq408Cc/s1600/nso.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5JQ7ENXfIZzJ5xmPRk-XiQdXUcE8-MBtC9fPZxFESYQeJrex9Kle9gwyceZMm5z-5WL4_cnNJIAR-ISJzVZtjOH8Ya-uE7OdPMi97RjcwiVTYGlJ50O0yfOUQt4t-YwubQYZu_jq408Cc/s200/nso.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You should have seen the<br />students helping with this.<br />All cheery and spirited and<br />welcoming. Like that was<br />going to distract me from<br />being freaked out.</b></td></tr>
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whole thing is bullshit. First off is the food situation. The dining situation is nothing like it was when any of us went to college. There are tons of delicious, attractive, healthful options, offered in a variety of settings. And, if the dining schedule/menu doesn't work for you on a given day, you can use your flex points for various food court-like options. These extra options also include mini marts throughout campus, that stay open late, where you can get pre-made meals or fresh produce. When I was in college, the only dining excitement was if we could find two dining halls in two consecutive days that were serving grilled cheese and waffle fries. I still don't know what Supreme sauce is, but they used that on a lot of things. There's no Supreme sauce now.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh, and as the parent, you are supposed to pay the bills and fill out the forms, but you can only do that when your student signs into the system and clicks on the "let my parents in to pay you" option. The law prohibits colleges from giving you any information about your student, but you are still supposed to be completely responsible for making sure everything is taken care of and that your student's account has the proper funds for tuition, books and food. You are supposed to do this in a non-helicopter parent way. Essentially, everything I found out at orientation that I am supposed to take care of, I can only do if my kid remembers to check his university e-mail and tell me. Sounds like an awesome system.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitGQPaz5ffSGMST6yEzjTgpluxJOcunE5udc3_-Wuz2LI53PkGh2yWuxGCZnwg7YR6bTt-2imBaWOtrgOoK9oOF2D7dRio2igrTGeKhjBH4R_sJF5YrlLKO-fp7I3gXHOZjvP2bup0CLBL/s1600/helicopter+parent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitGQPaz5ffSGMST6yEzjTgpluxJOcunE5udc3_-Wuz2LI53PkGh2yWuxGCZnwg7YR6bTt-2imBaWOtrgOoK9oOF2D7dRio2igrTGeKhjBH4R_sJF5YrlLKO-fp7I3gXHOZjvP2bup0CLBL/s200/helicopter+parent.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Poor Guy didn't even know how<br />ridiculous his question sounded.<br />It's sad when people are in<br />denial. Not everyone can be<br />emotionally healthy like I am.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Overall, orientation was not too traumatizing for most of the parents or kids. As parents, we all felt a lot better about our coolness and ability to "let go" when during one session a parent (a dad no less) asked if there is anyone that is making sure that kids aren't staying up until 2 in the morning and are eating. Bahahahahaha! Good one. The student panel chuckled and elbowed each other before one of them pulled it together enough to say "No, your student is on their own."</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So friends, for those of you a ways off from college, don't worry. There is always a chance your kid won't get into college and then you won't have to be all freaked out that you have a kid in college. Because that would make it better, right? Or, if that sounds like maybe it could end poorly, push your kid to do well and get into a good college, but start upping your drinking now.</span><br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-91269544755594094902013-07-05T22:22:00.000-04:002013-07-07T21:15:43.282-04:00DTC - It's Like A Variety Show, Only Better<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNguQcuDaqbr6h1TOo8nY3EuzDJv6UGvz31v-sLsEMOFn0aErnmeu2i3pL7PkDf4tFf7jkQ5H3IvQ0yje6eR51ki0_ayt1jl3ubWxmzp3stWbNMkb2oW6tZyh4j0DB-Ia1JMH2-_rkhMj3/s1600/donny+and+marie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="159" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNguQcuDaqbr6h1TOo8nY3EuzDJv6UGvz31v-sLsEMOFn0aErnmeu2i3pL7PkDf4tFf7jkQ5H3IvQ0yje6eR51ki0_ayt1jl3ubWxmzp3stWbNMkb2oW6tZyh4j0DB-Ia1JMH2-_rkhMj3/s200/donny+and+marie.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Maybe if The Party would <br />dress up with me while I made<br />mac and cheese, we might<br />get a TV deal.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Well, it's probably not better because there are no costume changes or ice skating, a la The Donny and Marie Show. And, no one will sing I'm a Little Bit Country, I'm a Little Bit Rock 'n Roll with me. And, I can't do both parts myself because obviously.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But, it's at least as good as a variety show because mac and cheese is involved. I know, we don't usually discuss cooking around here, but, we are new and improved and we are going to expand our horizons. And, my friend Echo (isn't that the coolest name) asked me for my mac and cheese recipe and said I should make it a blog post because that is the way a recipe should be given/written. So, who knows, maybe you will see other recipes. I don't make that many things, so we'll see how that goes. I'll be happy to pass along some of my recipes for ordering out and making reservations. You shouldn't just wing that stuff.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyway, Echo was saying she didn't see the beauty of baking mac and cheese - what was wrong with it the way it was? It's creamy and delicious and when you bake it, it gets dried out, not more exciting. So, I told Echo, that while m&c IS super delicious as is, it can be even more awesome baked (the m&c, not the cook). Please note, baking your m&c does add extra opportunities to burn yourself, so keep that in mind if you have issues.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><u>Here is the recipe the way I gave it to Echo:</u></b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Cook a box of penne or elbows or spirals - whatever makes you happy. Aim for the slightly al dente side since they will get some more cooking time. Just slightly firmer than you would want if you were eating them right away.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I leave noodles in the strainer after I rinse them. </span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">In pot I cooked noodles in I use Ragu cheddar cheese sauce as a base (you can also use Campbell's cheddar soup, I just like the taste of this better). You don't actually have to use a base like this, but it helps with creating a quick and creamy cheese sauce.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">You can use pre-shredded or shred your own (I just read they are similar in cost pound for pound) cheese. I switch using either. I use a mix of sharp and mild cheddar. I also add a couple heaping tablespoons of ricotta (not a must).</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Add milk (I use 1%) and cheese until you have the amount you want and its a thick sauce. Consistency of a cream soup I would say. Better to be too thick than too thin.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I also sometimes add some shredded smoked Gouda or broken up pieces of American cheese for creaminess.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Pour noodles into cheese sauce. Don't use all the noodles until you see if it will use up too much sauce (use a bigger pot than you need to cook noodles so there isn't an overflow issue with the sauce and cheese). Regardless of how careful you are, you will probably get some noodles on the stove or on the floor. You should probably pick them up, but your choice.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Remember to leave it creamier than you would normally eat it. It should seem like there isn't enough noodles for the cheese.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Pour into greased casserole dish.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">*Note* After I grease dish - I cover bottom in shredded cheddar for a a yummy chewy cheesy bottom and because there aren't enough calories and fat as is.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">On Top -</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Take a sleeve of Ritz (or like) crackers. put sealed sleeve in zip lock bag. gently pummel sleeve until crackers are crushed. if you don't use the zip lock bag, the sleeve will pop and crackers will shoot all over the floor (trust me). You could use a food processor - but then you have to clean it.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Put crackers in bowl. Add a couple teaspoons of melted butter and mix together (it's easier with your hand) into slightly moist crumbs. Sprinkle on top of mac and cheese.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Bake at 350 until crumbs are browning and mac and cheese is bubbling.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The end.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Oh -and by the time you're done, you will be too hot to eat something hot and will have to wait until later to enjoy it.</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Also - I add black pepper and dry mustard and a few dashes of hot sauce when I am making the cheese sauce. It doesn't make it spicy, it just gives it a little depth. No, I don't really know what that means, but it's good.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioquL3vtlzUR0G8Z1DGR_dxQ3i8r3my9W4GUajbTX3msOlyB3olGXUZVAVdnGb0ZDrvr0RN00HTFwsV92UV6fBgRD1cT_b8ELZkhjE2NjOpDktByoMHy6EEit8OBARMTRhXXkMWTypk3fB/s1600/baked+is+better.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioquL3vtlzUR0G8Z1DGR_dxQ3i8r3my9W4GUajbTX3msOlyB3olGXUZVAVdnGb0ZDrvr0RN00HTFwsV92UV6fBgRD1cT_b8ELZkhjE2NjOpDktByoMHy6EEit8OBARMTRhXXkMWTypk3fB/s320/baked+is+better.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Baked is Better<br />Again, we are talking about the mac and cheese.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Editors Note: You can make this recipe lower in calories and fat and more healthful by taking out the noodles and cheese and adding lettuce and vegetables. But, I will warn you, if you say you are serving mac and cheese and serve the low fat version, there could be an incident.</span><br />
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Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-52248780942375539702013-07-03T23:38:00.000-04:002013-07-19T16:03:43.683-04:00I'm The Emily Post of Travel Etiquette<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">While I was away from DTC this spring I went on a couple </span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">of</span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">trips. While certainly I had a good time (Disney with the kids, Las Vegas with friends), I am starting to believe that there are a lot of people who missed the day at school where we learned how to conduct ourselves in public. And by "we" I mean the clueless people that are not me or about 7 other people on the planet.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Luckily for all, I have taken notice of this and am here to offer tips for comportment that will not only make travel more pleasant for everyone (or at the very least, me) but will undoubtedly keep a few of the more ignorant people of the planet from getting their asses kicked. I think I am going to say that this is a PSA of sorts. I might even count it as community service.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, without further ado, here are some handy travel tips.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1. Try not to be an assh*le (that's really an everyday tip, not just a travel one, but we'll leave it as a travel one for now). We all are </span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho40TOjVupF8_SrOsAI-Y61VZOSzmTmsGPq37T2SRTXCSXd3SM1s5Xu6sVA5ko2XW-WGeCOz3vnADfUOuNtDgBEVJ82RNVyIXJqcl5DRdqz_PpaZ2ATp3q4XaXphV29vZTkld2mfZEGhox/s500/learn+to+walk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho40TOjVupF8_SrOsAI-Y61VZOSzmTmsGPq37T2SRTXCSXd3SM1s5Xu6sVA5ko2XW-WGeCOz3vnADfUOuNtDgBEVJ82RNVyIXJqcl5DRdqz_PpaZ2ATp3q4XaXphV29vZTkld2mfZEGhox/s200/learn+to+walk.jpg" width="126" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Please note the group<br />in the front left. They<br />have stopped to chat<br />right in the middle. <br />Whistle and smack. </b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">important and are trying to get somewhere or see something. Try to wrap your head around that.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. Keep to the right. Especially important in a crowd. As I have told my children when we were in Disney (as well as other places), other people are not to be treated like video game obstacles that you try to beat out and/or dodge around on your way to the next location.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. Do not gesture wildly when you are in a crowd. Especially true if you have a cigarette in your hand (talking to you people in the casino and on city streets). *more on cigarettes later</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">4. Do not walk 17 people across so no one can get by you.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5. You don't have to rush, but walk so there is any hope for the rest of us behind you to get to our destinations some time in the same day.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6. Just because you have a stroller, scooter or wheelchair does not mean you don't have to look where you are going. Manners are for everyone. (PS - I still have the scar on my ankle where the guy ran up the back of my leg in his electric wheelchair - not exaggerating).</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">7. If we find ourselves in each other's way, the way it works is that we BOTH say excuse me and go around each other. The way it doesn't work is that I say excuse me and you keep pushing past me. Also, if YOU bang into someone, you have to say excuse me and make sure you haven't knocked the person over!</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">8. If someone holds the door for you - say thank you! Conversely, hold the door for the person behind you. Even if you have to wait the extra 5 seconds to do so. </span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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</div>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">9. * Las Vegas/casino-specific rule: I understand that you are thrilled to be allowed to smoke indoors. I am sure that it sucks to stop what you are doing to go smoke outside in the weather. That said, just because you are allowed to smoke inside does not mean that it's polite (or f%*#ing necessary) for you to sit down next to me and hold your lit cigarette right by my face or for you to blow smoke towards me or the crowd in general. It's not nice! Also, how are you going to walk around the whole hotel and casino with a lit cigarette and no ashtray? You are flicking ashes all over the place. What is wrong with you? Were you people raised in a barn? </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDJlQ0pZ5f1iUnbxy37LDhqwlPZu3reg6TXevevm-vRvHaP_qO6sD-8HQ8EbCukdLAakaj8hFqMASoXCbghSoEroDY1JKZgStEDrgYL2XMZZqd5aFuzLvRRawH1T9OpWlpjt3CdQeTqolQ/s600/casino+smoking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDJlQ0pZ5f1iUnbxy37LDhqwlPZu3reg6TXevevm-vRvHaP_qO6sD-8HQ8EbCukdLAakaj8hFqMASoXCbghSoEroDY1JKZgStEDrgYL2XMZZqd5aFuzLvRRawH1T9OpWlpjt3CdQeTqolQ/s320/casino+smoking.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Picture me to the left of this woman. <br />Now picture that I</span> <span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was there first. <br />Whistle and smack. <br />And accidental</span> <span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">shove on my way by when I get up to move.</span></b></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I guess that's about it. I have some bathing suit-specific rules for some travelers, but that's a whole other post. Let's just say though that a skimpy bikini top is not for everyone.</span><br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-45846297352594336182013-07-02T20:20:00.000-04:002013-07-02T22:33:29.571-04:00Don't Worry About Me, Not That Anyone Was<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiudlOepI4X4oQcZ7mxzbKisnEpUrCbt-Lq4HUj2rDq7kfE45bxvTT4oasnYRuHNuxj6w6irtYdarhVQBhlpbRg84S6tJq41zMym_qJNBPUwpbDHKkNKsS1Fc9duVWjrDDrWscH0ql2i4HH/s288/kidnapper+letter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiudlOepI4X4oQcZ7mxzbKisnEpUrCbt-Lq4HUj2rDq7kfE45bxvTT4oasnYRuHNuxj6w6irtYdarhVQBhlpbRg84S6tJq41zMym_qJNBPUwpbDHKkNKsS1Fc9duVWjrDDrWscH0ql2i4HH/s1600/kidnapper+letter.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>If I depended on my family <br />to ransom me, they'd be<br />getting pieces of me back<br />one at a time. And still<br />probably wouldn't get <br />what was going on.</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have not been kidnapped. I guess that's good since no one was even looking for me in my 3+ month internet absence. No surprise since no one who lives with me misses me when I am actually physically gone from the house. I'd like to do a test to see how long it would take someone to text me "Where are you?" I think the time would depend on how close my absence corresponded to the need for a meal.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Essentially, if you are a kidnapper, what I am telling you is that kidnapping me would be a pretty fruitless endeavor. One, I really don't have the kind of cash or prizes a kidnapper is looking for and two, it would take ages for my family to notice me missing and even longer for them to start wondering where I was. A kidnapper might leave a phone message you say? That's even more of a long shot. The people who live here don't quite get the whole check the phone messages thing.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't want you to think that my family doesn't love me. I'm sure they do, it's just that my children are so secure in my love for them that they can't imagine I wouldn't return (talk about misplaced trust). That said, if I am always home when you get home or leave you a message when I won't be, can you not muster up the slightest concern for me? Would it kill you text me that you're home and wondering where I am? Honestly, you can't humor me a little and run up to me when I return and cry out "Oh thank God you've come home Mom" - how hard would that be?</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The Party is another story. If I'm not there when he gets home he will call or text to see <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw0gGpH5y9RNaQTvaTJqpBekdAxz7VcEhM0FpcjTB8lF2W6dhekuL9djZJS3wGEeOl7LbFZ4jq3ZaZ8unJKTKSOLssTxHQnuFkCNfr_rZWVOyANoVzaCqk0VJwwszI0aEdWWv9QM1FG2BR/s400/come+home+mom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw0gGpH5y9RNaQTvaTJqpBekdAxz7VcEhM0FpcjTB8lF2W6dhekuL9djZJS3wGEeOl7LbFZ4jq3ZaZ8unJKTKSOLssTxHQnuFkCNfr_rZWVOyANoVzaCqk0VJwwszI0aEdWWv9QM1FG2BR/s200/come+home+mom.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This kind of exchange<br />
might be why my kids are <br />
afraid to text to <br />
see where we are when<br />
we are not home.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
where I am. I don't think he's so much worried about my well-being as much as making sure that I am indeed going to come back. He is well aware of my access to a car and money. Sometimes, if we end up somewhere in two cars, I make him take both kids (if they've been really annoying) home. This usually makes Party twitch a little. Partly because it's his turn to be in the car with both kids and partly because he's a little nervous about where I'm going. He usually says "Okay, I'll take them, but you know you have to come home, right?" I just smile and say "Of course." I give him that sweet, fake smile though so he worries the whole way home. I don't know why, I just do.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyhoo, so I've been gone from Donkeys since the beginning of April. I would like to say that I was busy doing something really important and interesting - but I try to not lie outright to people. Donkeys had become sporadic since I had been doing Babble Pets, but I stopped doing that at the end of March. And by stopped, I mean I quit before they fired me. Apparently, I do not have quite a big enough following to justify keeping me. While I have been licking my wounds a little, I am pretty glad to not be writing for Pets anymore (though Babble in general is pretty cool). It is really picture-driven and I am just not one of those people who oohs and aahs over pets dressed in costumes. On the upside, I did get to write a lot of captions for these pictures. I love writing captions. I totally crack me up. I don't know if anyone else was amused, but I enjoyed the hell out of my own cleverness. #noonepaysyoutoamuseyourself.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Please note my use of the hashtag. Hashtags also crack me up. They are like little sidebars that you'd whisper under your breath if you were talking. I actually like hastags better than the actual use of Twitter, Home of the Hashtag. Facebook has hashtags now, but I am not sure why.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, I am back for a summer of fun DTC posts. I am trying to think of ways to jazz up the blog and get more followers - feel free to offer suggestions. I love my donkey logo and the blog name, but other than that, I am game for trying new things. I have been missing writing DTC and all the fun comments people leave for me. So, now you guys are stuck with me again.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Next up... I'll catch you up on what's been going on around here. Spoiler alert: Boy graduates from High School, his parents don't like it.</span><br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-2975951477587958422013-04-01T18:08:00.000-04:002013-04-01T20:04:15.376-04:00How Am I Supposed To Work With These People?<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaiufYcn4pAMK7lLrKFHRwrXVQIsRo90pfdtAPNr5VAtovllceDItxK-YdfiS61nsCZssRy3GEpWr7ROggTbt4wpRsOYHja0rxNMxBfa3Q5rYiwm1wXPba2bY1oSMB_rqsrqQIB6VdLS5k/s1600/rosa+parks.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaiufYcn4pAMK7lLrKFHRwrXVQIsRo90pfdtAPNr5VAtovllceDItxK-YdfiS61nsCZssRy3GEpWr7ROggTbt4wpRsOYHja0rxNMxBfa3Q5rYiwm1wXPba2bY1oSMB_rqsrqQIB6VdLS5k/s200/rosa+parks.jpeg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Yes, I'm sure Rosa Parks got her<br />start being fresh to her mother.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple;">"You can't make me move, I'm like Rosa Parks." This is what happens when you send children to school and insist they learn things. SB was blocking my way in the laundry room and that was her response when I asked her to move. Of course, she then ran away before I could show her that I could, indeed, make her move.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">This conversation was reminiscent of the one I had with Boy when he was learning about World War 2 and different kinds of governments. Throughout that unit I was informed that I was "mean like Hitler," "a fascist dictator," that I "hated democracy," and that I was squelching his First Amendment right to say what he wanted.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">More recently, Boy has again had me shaking my head. He is waiting to hear from colleges. University of Delaware (where The Party and I and assorted aunts and uncles went) is his first choice. A big, bright yellow envelope arrives with UD and Congratulations across the top. I show him when he walked in the door from school. At first Boy smiles and then asks "Did my TV Guide come too?" When I stared blankly at him and said "no" he said "well it was supposed to." You're kidding right? You haven't even opened your college acceptance letter, but you're worried about the TV Guide?<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXB84kFCQv5nY7TQjnCPOTmLD0eRqYsO4AwOy58d1wSz0DZe8rrM8-knqZMSmjhqu5tvw8RwLS5RPaiL0O_4Zr25-_MqdMgx8ryExDDBpjMWgSjJ78R54wCN_8RYCN0vKDaDA9cjmdBDxt/s1600/ud+picture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXB84kFCQv5nY7TQjnCPOTmLD0eRqYsO4AwOy58d1wSz0DZe8rrM8-knqZMSmjhqu5tvw8RwLS5RPaiL0O_4Zr25-_MqdMgx8ryExDDBpjMWgSjJ78R54wCN_8RYCN0vKDaDA9cjmdBDxt/s200/ud+picture.jpg" width="197" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I have never actually seen a <br />hen that's blue and that's <br />a very mannish hen.</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">Also, when I asked him "Is Delaware still your first choice?" His answer was "Yeah, I guess. I haven't really thought about it." What?!?! It's spring of your senior year of high school! Any idea when you might get around to thinking about it? I have nothing I can work with here!</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: purple;">Do you all see why I need a whistle?!?! I still maintain that I also need a stun gun, but currently am forced to make do with smacking and/or shoving people.</span><br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-320113616105723104.post-11438768397587648122013-03-11T23:34:00.000-04:002013-03-12T13:58:55.034-04:0040 is Bullshit<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir97YyarX1fIkEKYV3FS1_e7UC6c29phmSrn_7ExMVZN6ftjVD80QN2vvp84q5elTA2QlUZ1lOXs9kXpxtyyJFr4p9YlZjpUZK2vOswZPfSxPJZ8ptSvJgiGyV7xGt7jiGjAJtxLTL1sqS/s1600/40+fabulous.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir97YyarX1fIkEKYV3FS1_e7UC6c29phmSrn_7ExMVZN6ftjVD80QN2vvp84q5elTA2QlUZ1lOXs9kXpxtyyJFr4p9YlZjpUZK2vOswZPfSxPJZ8ptSvJgiGyV7xGt7jiGjAJtxLTL1sqS/s200/40+fabulous.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>So then, we can all agree<br />40 is not the problem?</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: purple;">Before anyone who knows me gets all up in arms, I'm not saying I'm 40. I know I am 45. Try reading all the way through before you get worked up and start heckling me. Sheesh! Everyone else, sorry for the interruption, what was I saying? Oh yeah, 40 is bullshit.</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
T<span style="color: purple;">here seems to be some imaginary line of demarcation between not yet 40 and 40. A lot of people seem to be worried about 40 and what it really means (other than you are so not 25 anymore and no one thinks you are). Here's the thing, 40 is not the problem. Once you see 40 is totally no big deal, you think you're off the hook and all is well. And hello ninja sucker punch out of nowhere.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">40 is totally the same as 38 or 39. You will go through the year thinking "I'm cool with this." 41 and 42 may ease by painlessly as well. Then, one morning, when you are just minding your own business, you will look in the mirror and then suddenly look around behind you to see who is making the reflection in the mirror. Surely, it can't be you because you didn't have crazy hairs on your face or bags or wrinkles or thinning hair when you went to sleep. Stop looking around, it's you.</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">You made it past 40 without needing reading glasses and are all happy? Caffeine doesn't bother you or keep you awake? Nothing gives you heartburn? A rogue sneeze isn't call for a clothing change? While I am certainly happy for you - give it a minute. By the way, there will be no warning. One day you will have your afternoon latte and then the rest of the day will be spent wondering why you have indigestion and wondering why the directions on the Tums bottle are written so small and why all the lights in your house aren't bright enough for reading. Then, when you're feeling better and lay down to go to sleep, you will have to get up again to pee and then you will be unable to fall asleep because you drank the latte too late in the day.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>She claims to be working<br />with doctors who know<br />how to stop aging.<br />Um yeah, keep us posted.</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple;">Recently, Suzanne Somers, in an interview for her new book, said that 65 is her sexiest age ever. First off, good for Suzanne. If she feels happy and feels good - great. But, I'm going to have to call a big bullshit on her. Even being healthy and fit doesn't make you look or feel 25. She might feel great overall, but she's not rolling out of bed feeling and looking sexy. She has had work done on her face (but skipped her neck, which is weird and un-matchy), she wears lots of make-up and she either has extensions or is wearing a wig when she is on TV or photographed. So, no matter how fabulous 65 might be, let's not pretend it's just as easy as 25 (in regard to the physical).</span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;">All that said, I wouldn't trade being 45 for being 25 again (I would actually like to send 45-year-old me back in time to straighten a few people out). I am just saying that there is some mass conspiracy to hide all the little changes to our bodies that come our way long before menopause. Everyone talks about menopause, but you don't hear anything about what happens after 40-ish and way before menopause. The creaking joints, the memory issues, the acne (what is that even about) and the inability to even consider starting to go out at 10pm. It's very hard to be cool when you are trying to be home and in your pajamas by 9:30. And are wearing dots of zit cream.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>You poor unfortunate soul.<br />It's sad, but true...</b></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple;">The universe has a very odd sense of humor and is clearly not being run by women (or is run by Ursula the Sea Hag). Oh my God - how fun would it be to list all the things that would be different if the universe were run by women. I think I am going to get started on that list. </span>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09092984667023838307noreply@blogger.com4