Monday, May 23, 2011

That is Just Wrong

I was reading the latest post by Totally Mental Mommy, and she was shocked and appalled by a children's game she saw advertised.  I was sure she was either making it up, or fell for a prank of some sort.  No such luck.  It's a real flippin' game.  "Doggie Doo" is a game where you make your dog food and take him for walks and when you squeeze the leash...wait for it...he poops.  The extra fun part of the game is that you get a shovel to clean it up.  First player with 3 pieces of poop on his shovel wins.

"Doggie Doo" is kind of a
take off of Baby Alive, but
more gross and stupid.
Not only can you buy this game for the low low price of $29.95, you can also feel that you are connecting with the world at large as this toy was nominated for 2010 Toy of the Year in the Netherlands.  Every time your kid plays, you can picture little Dutch children in their pointy caps and wooden shoes playing across the globe.  PS, if picking up dog poop is what passes for "Toy of the Year" fun, I am taking the Netherlands off my "places to go" list, or at the very least, moving it down a few spots.

Honestly, this sort of thing just makes me wonder how the rest of us are not rolling in money.  If this idea got all the way to the shelves, I KNOW my ideas would make millions.  How could they not?  The bar is pretty low.  Before giving you my own ideas for toys and games I think will make me rich and famous, I looked around the interweb to make sure I wasn't stealing anyone else's ideas.  Don't want to start off my new career with a copyright lawsuit.

So, here's my list of games that should be a hit that no one thought of yet:

1.  21st Century Operation - Forget the attached tweezers and buzzer game in a box.  This would be a baby doll-sized "patient" that feels soft (a la Stretch Armstrong).  You roll the dice and each spot on the board tells you what operation you have to perform.  You either get money for performing it correctly or lose money/ go to jail for a fail.  You would have miniature scalpels and tweezers and inside the doll would have fake blood and organs.  You would have to remove assigned organ and stitch up (with included surgical needle and thread) before the patient bled out.  This game is perfect for would-be surgeons, but probably not good for homes with white carpets or kids under 3 (what with the scalpels).

2.  $25,000 Pyramid - The Madoff Edition - Same idea as the TV game; you have to earn the low amount to get to the higher amounts.  But, in our Madoff version, you don't give clues and answer questions.  Instead, each player must first steal real money out of a parent's wallet to invest in their opponent's "business."  If said business turns out to be a shell company, the sucker player has to recruit someone new into the game to try to earn double their money back by getting the new player to invest.  You lose if you don't have enough sales skills to get investors.  Or if your parent catches you before you are able to forge their name on a home equity loan.  Teaches kids strategy and law enforcement evasion skills.

Game includes kid-friendly
matches in fun colors.
3.  Arson - The Game - Along the lines of the Doggie Doo game, this game will teach kids to touch stuff we don't want them to touch.  You roll the dice and hope to land on spaces where you can win books of matches or lighters.  You need to collect enough matches or lighters to burn down the included cardboard buildings.  Whoever burns the most buildings down, without personally catching fire, wins.  Building assembly required.  This game should be played near water or in abandoned buildings.

So, that is all I have thought of so far.  I am working on one that involves cheating the SATs and one that involves teaching girls how to leave the house looking appropriate, but, without getting caught, take everything they need with them to look trampy by the time they get to school.  I should probably get right to work on getting all these ideas patented.  I can hear the 'cha-chings" already.

Oh!!  And wait!!  Before you get any ideas to invent any toys or games on your own, the Stump Doll is already taken.  Sorry.
Yup, it's a real thing.


  1. I was completely into the arson game until the 'assembly required' part! I draw the line at busting out the tool box.

  2. Now that sounds like a fun birthday party waiting to happen!

  3. HA! I'm all ready to start playing the arson game as well!

  4. WOW, and here I thought I invented the arson game when I was a kid. Oh well, I can always market the Tick Off the Teacher game. Kids compete to see who can be the most disrespectful and rude to the point that the teacher kicks them out of class or writes them up. Lord knows, I'd make way more money on that than I do playing it every day . . .


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