Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Who Will Get The Gold?

I was unaware, but after some poking around, I believe I have discovered that the Whiny Crybaby Olympics are in full force.  The two main events seem to be "It's so hard to be me" and "Life is not fair."  Some people are so talented, they compete in both events.

Omar needs an eyebrow
 wax and those braids look
kind of fake, like extentions.

First up we have Omar bin Laden, who is competing in the "Life is not fair" event (LNF).  Omar is Osama's 4th oldest son (read not an important son) and is appalled that we burried Osama at sea.  Omar says it is criminal and inhumane to do this to a person of such importance.  Omar is reserving the right to take legal action in the United States and internationally.  Really Omar?  I am pretty sure that the friends and family of the 9-11 victims are reserving the right to have your dad and the rest of al-Qaeda answer for the whole planes-as-bombs killings innocent people thing.  I figure you'll have just as much luck as they have had.

Going for the gold in "It's so hard to be me" (HTBM) in the team category are the liberals in the southern part of Arizona.  Southern Arizona seeks to secede from the rest of Arizona.  They are embarrassed to be connected to the likes of Republican governor Jan Brewer and what they see as an over-conservative agenda.  They are using as leverage/standing the fact that back in 1848 their part of the state stayed a territory when the rest of Arizona became a state.  They held out until 1854.  Honestly folks, I don't think the judges are going to go for it.  You do know you can move to another state if you don't like Arizona?  We have 49 other ones.  You don't have to start your own.  Besides, no one is going to want to learn another state capital.

Poor Me Soup.
Official Soup of
the Olympics

In the individual category of HTBM is Stevie Nicks.  She is claiming that "stupid" doctors "ruined" her life for 8 years.  Stevie is upset that her psychiatrist prescribed Klonopin to help treat her drug addiction.  She says it almost killed her (she doesn't say how that is).  She says that the doctor was a groupie who just wanted to hear about her music and famous friends.  Further, if not for taking this drug she might have met someone or had a baby.  Really, while you were addicted to drugs you were going to have a baby?  Didn't the Klonopin help with drug addiction problem?  Aren't you sober/clean now?  Did you formally do something about this doctor or did you just want to complain?

Next up, hoping to medal in LNF, is Donald Trump.  Donald thought that by getting people to do what he says on TV, the rest of us would see that he was meant to lead the whole country (if not the world).  Last week Trump was feeling pretty smug with his 26% lead in the "my-favorite-republican-hopeful" poll.  This week he is at 8%.  It has to be sticking in The Donald's craw that people seem to have taken to heart the Seth Myers joke where he said people didn't realize Trump was running as a Republican, they thought he was running as a joke.

Competing in the team and individual categories for HTBM are Oprah Winfrey and James Frey.  Awhile back, Frey wrote what was supposed to be a memoir.  Oprah's endorsement of it garnered Frey tons of attention and money.  Then Oprah found out Frey lied; that the book was fictional.  Here's where it got tough to be James Frey.  Oprah brought him on the show and essentially told him he sucked and was a big con artist.  Fast forward five years , it is now hard to be Oprah.  She feels badly and says that it was wrong of her to have ambushed Frey on TV as she did.  Really?  He didn't deserve to be called out for being a liar and cheating people?  Oprah is having Frey back on the show.  I can only assume it's so they can bond over how hard the experience was for both of them and how they have changed and grown.

Our last event of the evening is the Iron Man of the Whiny Crybaby Olympics.  In what can only be described as a stunning performance,
Quy Duc Nguyen will attempt to show how life is unfair as well as how hard it is to be him.  Nguyen, as a result of a find from Craig's List (good Lord, Craig's List!?!?  We all know this is like Directory Assistance for the violent and deranged) travelled from California to New York with $40,000 in cash to meet with a stranger to buy some bottles of Chateau Lafite red wine at $3200 per bottle.  If this was on the up and up, the seller would have been only to happy to meet in public.  Further, Nguyen had to know this wine should not have been for sale in this manner/for this price or he would have asked for a public meeting.  As a result of his poor judgement, Nguyen met the "seller" privately and was beaten and robbed for his trouble.  Goodbye $40,000.  Hello no bottles of wine.  I think the gold is within Nguyen's reach.

Remember, If you have to
ask, the answer is
probably yes.

Feel free to let us know who you think deserves a medal for being a whiny crybaby.  Remember, whoever you don't choose will probably complain that the competition was not fair.


  1. I'll go w. Stevie Nicks. What an *ss.


    PS ... and the drugs explain the fashion sense.

  2. Wow, I don't know who to pick, with all that whining you would think these people were 3 years old!

  3. Just brilliant! I think it is Omar for the gold in LNF.

  4. Perhaps its because I from Detroit, but around here, the former mayor of Detroit and his family are vying for gold in both categories. This article for yesterday sums it up: Dude lies under oath, gets caught, loses job as mayor, goes to prison for perjury, has federal criminal charges brought against him, and says it is all the fault of the text message company and he should be pitied.

  5. Just GENIUS!! You are amazing (just the way you are).
    Mother loves you.


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