Monday, May 16, 2011

What is the Matter With Florida?

This also seems wrong, 
 but at least this guy
 has his pants on.
Things may be slightly amiss in Florida.  I will just start by saying that if you are planning a vacation there, maybe don't take your pet.  It caught my eye that Florida, in an attempt to outlaw bestiality, may have accidentally outlawed all sex entirely.  Upon perusal of the whole article, I saw that the interpretation of the new statute was by the blogger "Southern Fried Science." He basically said humans are animals, so he hopes no one gets in trouble.  He does go on to give a more correct interpretation that points out the statute does differentiate between people and animals. 

Why then, if it was really just a silly blogging joke, do I mention this law to you?  Well, as fate would have it, this law was finally passed in Florida - on the third try.  The third.  I am not sure I can come up with a scenario where I don't think someone is an ass for voting against protecting animals.  No matter who you are, what religion, where you come from...the rule is the same for everyone.  Keep your junk away from animals. 

Even if you want to attribute human qualities to your favorite goat or sheep or dog, they cannot consent, so right there, the answer is no.   How do you think the conversation went  that they could not pass a "Don't Have Sex With Animals" law?  Is there some elected official who would have had the nerve to stand up and say that a statute was too restrictive?  That he (you know it would never be a she - just saying) is lobbying for some form sexual contact to be allowed if you really love your animal?  Honestly,  I am stunned.

If Buzz and Woody can't
solve the problem, it
doesn't belong at Disney.

In further upsetting Florida news, I have to bust a little bit on my beloved Disney.  Yes, I love Disney.  Not in a "my adult bedroom is decorated in Disney Princesses" or "all our dishes have Mickey and Minnie kissing" kind of scary way.  More in a "we had lots of great family vacations there and I think the place is amazingly run"  kind of way.  I know Disney World is a merchandising hell, but that doesn't bother me too too much because the whole place is just a brilliantly executed concept.

But here's the rub.  There is a report that Disney filed for several trademarks to claim the rights to the phrase "SEAL Team 6."  You are worrying me Disney.  What rides, attractions or toys is the marketing team thinking up that they need to do this?  I don't want to ever see a Disney-related military anything that has to do with 9-11, bin Laden or terrorism.  Disney is for make-believe and fantasy stuff.  That's what makes them so awesome.   They are able to make the imaginary seem real.  Real life crap is what people are trying to escape.  I also don't want to see a Disney version of "The Biggest Loser" or "Celebrity Rehab."  You just leave Mickey's Philharmagic where it is and don't try to replace it with anything new-fangled. 

So all of you normal citizens of Florida out there, you have some people to whip into shape.  We cannot have Mickey running around with his own Disney SEAL team assaulting the likes of Pluto or Bambi or Aladdin's monkey Abu.  Do you understand what I am telling you?

In other "What's the matter with you?" news we have Jesse James, who does not have the good sense to shut up already.  He continues to act like the no class, low rent cheater that he is.  Any time he says he's sorry for cheating, he manages to undo it all by saying something ignorant.  Things like he knows he was wrong, but he was never 100% into his Hollywood life with Bullock or that is relationship with Kat Von D is better and so is the sex.  James was also quoted as saying "I cheated on my wife.  Guess what?  So do millions of other men."  Okay, so are you sorry or not?  Ass.  Whistle and smack (obviously).

He's not even that cute. 
Just look at him.
He is making all these comments as he promotes his memoir.  I haven't gone to look it up, but I would bet money we have a co-author situation here.  And I use the word "co-author" loosely.  I still don't see what Sandra Bullock saw in him at all.  When she met him he was in the midst of custody crap and he has a history of dating skanky, full-of-issues types.  Really?  What was the draw?  It's a mystery.  Also, who is buying/reading this book?  I am thinking the target audience aren't big readers (yes, I know, that was a little mean).

My last thing to report from the weekend is that Boy turned 16.  How do I feel about that?  Let me tell you.  No thank you.  That's how I feel.  I am supposed to be the mom of young(ish) children, not large almost adult-like people.  He is getting ready to take his permit test.  You know...a permit to drive a car.  A car!  Also, no thank you.  In less painful news, for the fun part of my weekend, I got to sit through a double header of softball for SB.  It wasn't until the 3rd hour that I was really cold and wanted to poke myself in the eye with a stick.


  1. I live in Florida and I am stunned by the absolute ignorance in this state daily. Daily. And you forgot to mention that our representatives are apparently not allowed to say the word "uterus" while the House is in session. It is a dirty word, apparently. And no, sadly, I'm not kidding.

    My son will be turning 17 this summer and getting his license...I feel your pain!

  2. Ivankiken - just found your blog. The SEAL team 6 thing was a riot!

  3. oh lord! Uterus is a dirty word?

    I don't mind visiting Disney (kind of like it), but other than the keys? I don't need to go.

    Congrats on a 16 year old (it secretly scares me that my kids will one day be old enough to drive too).

  4. I just hope that mega-conglomerate Disney copyrighted the phrase so ABC or ESPN can do some cheesy re-creation. I am sure the Hustler mags will be front and center on his desk.

  5. I am most impressed with the fact that Donkey has been reading and keeping up with the news! It is almost better than reading it myself. I learn something new every day.
    BTW, my Boy is 41, get over it!
    Love, Mom


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