Tuesday, May 17, 2011

New Concept: Maybe Just Don't Say Anything

Of course I don't mean me.  Or any of you.  People rely on us to make sense out of the ridiculous.  We are providing a service.  I am talking about people who ramble on at us like anyone asked them.

I wonder what the dues are.

Top of my list today is Stephen Hawking.  I know!  You wouldn't think horribly debilitated super-scientist Stephen Hawking would be on a troublemaker list, but he is.  Hawking is saying that "heaven is a myth."  Essentially, his position is that science doesn't support religion.  Um Steve, not exactly ground-breaking information.  People kind of already know that, they just don't really care.  But rather than leave believers to thoughts and ideas that bring them comfort and security, Hawking throws in an insult.  He says heaven is a fairy story for people who are afraid of the dark.  Now is that nice?  Or necessary?  I don't think so.  Yes - whistle.

"No no.  No more for me.  I
am already completely
 full of crap."
In other "shut up already" news, Donald Trump says he will not run for president in 2012.  Even though he could totally win.  He is sorry to disappoint us, but business is truly his passion and he just can't leave the private sector.  But, don't worry dear friends and fellow Americans, The Donald promises to continue to be vocal in pushing our president and government to address the serious issues (yes China, he is looking at you).  He will be speaking for those of us who believe the same way he does but do not have the forum, as he does, to share those thoughts.  So, bottom line is that Trump is promising to be the loud-mouthed blow-hard he has always been.  Excellent.  As an aside, do you think he really believes all his own bullshit?

Like me, I am sure you are worried that Charlie Sheen's friends are reporting that he is "destroyed" by Ashton Kutcher being cast in "Two and Half Men."  They fear this may cause him to spiral out of control (that ship has sailed) and that he still hasn't hit rock bottom and this might send him there.  News flash - the quicker Chuck hits rock bottom and is forced to join the rest of here on Planet Reality, the better it will be for everyone.

You know what?  I don't even
really like cupcakes anyway.
Another person I would like to invite to shut her cake hole is Candace Nelson, owner of Sprinkles Cupcakes and judge on the Food Network's Cupcake Wars.  In this article, Candace gently directs us to stop making 5 critical errors in cupcake making (I didn't even tell you what they are yet and you already want her to shut up, don't you).  First, don't measure - weigh - your cupcake ingredients.  It's better and more accurate (read more work and requires a scale you don't have).  Do not spoon into the cupcake tins.  Use an ice cream scoop so every cupcake is EXACTLY the same size and will therefore require precisely the same amount of baking time.  I already have lost interest in making cupcakes, and to avoid sure failure will just go buy some.

Lastly, here is someone who is actually in a position to tell everyone else to shut up because he is just that smart.  Bobby Bonilla.  The former Mets player is being paid by the Mets to not play baseball.  Yes, I do want that job.  I am sure that I can not play baseball as well as he can.  Please go look at the article and explain to me how the Mets thought it was cheaper to pay 1.2 million dollars a year for 25 years versus a one shot deal of 5.9 million.  Bonilla also has a similar deal with the Orioles.  Far as I can tell, Bobby is a giant pill and people will pay to get him to go away.  He might be the luckiest person ever.  And clearly, not too stupid.


  1. Oh, I am so uninterested in baking cupcakes. So uninterested in what Candace Nelson wants to say about them. But suddenly have a huge craving for a cupcake. Thanks for that!

  2. Candace Nelson drives me crazy! I'm kinda annoyed by all of the cupcakes shops that continue to spring up as well. Don't get me wrong. I love a good cupcake, but paying $5 for a cupcake is a bit ridiculous.

  3. I live in L.A. in the middle of all the cupcake hullabaloo. I haven't had any Sprinkles (yet), but I've tried some other places that were featured on Food Network, and the cupcakes were NOT "all that." I prefer my good 'ol boxed cake mix cupcakes anyday.

  4. ^See what happened here? You wrote about a variety of topics, but we all saw that tray of pretty, pretty cupcakes, and that's all we can talk about. Like Dulcibella, I now want one. I would like mine to be red velvet with cream cheese frosting and a cute little flower on top... wait, what else were we talking about?
    (Chocolate with chocolate frosting would be lovely, too, though...)
    Oh, right: people who should shut up. I agree with everyone you listed, and am impressed that you were able to choose from the many, many people who should just shut their traps.
    I've never heard of Bobby Bonilla, but that's a very sweet deal he has going on; I don't follow sports, so I had no idea it worked this way! Ooh, I know -- let's form our own quirky, plucky girl baseball team a la A League of Our Own, and get someone to pay us to not-play our little hearts out. If we pitch it as a reality show, I feel certain we could get a deal...
    and I still want a cupcake.
    xo, KMC

  5. Of course we all still want a cupcake - it's just that now no one feels like "making" cupcakes. Eating is totally different. I could go for a cookies and cream/ oreo one or a plain chocolate with vanilla icing.

    I also do not really follow sports, but that story jumped out because of its universal appeal. Act like jerk, but get lots of money - who doesn't want that gig?

  6. I don't like cupcakes. I do like your zucchini bread. Could you make me one?

  7. I don't know if this cause for alarm or not, but I have never made zucchini bread. Do you think you have eaten zucchini bread??


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