Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sh*t That's Magic

This experiment shows
why when you divide fractions
you flip the second one
and mulitply.
There is a lot sh*t that is totally magic.  Sure, scientists want you to believe there is a logical reason, but there's not.  Don't be fooled.  These science people just hate anything that can't be explained.  As a result, God/The Universe/Mother Nature/Karma has allowed these science-y types to sell us the "logical" explanation.  I think the Powers That Be just don't want to see any heads explode.  Those science type are easily vexed.  No offense Science peeps, but you know I am right.

The following is a list of thing that have explanations that you might have learned in school or read about but are total bullshit.  If you take one extra second to think, you will see that there is really nothing that supports the explanation of why these things work.

As soon as you say
the word "law"
everyone thinks it's true.
Electricity - it just exists and is created, but we have to worry about a shortage?
Gravity - no reason it's here and not in space, except magic.
Why humans are alive- closed system that just works with food and oxygen, which is created from trees.
Why records work - ridges and needle don't equal music.
Digital music recording - there's nothing there, it's pretend.
Radio - sound waves directed around the world into distinct sounds/words - no plausible explanation.
Telephone - same
Television - really? sound and light just floats around the world and reconfigures exactly how we want?
Anesthesia - trauma to your body doesn't kill you because you can't feel it?  You're still being cut open.
Most Math - past addition/subtraction/multiplication/division, logic doesn't explain any of that stuff.
Earth Rotating - inexplicable

I know seeing this all spelled out is very disconcerting for some of you.  But, I think once you accept that most of the world operates on magic and just embrace it, you will feel liberated.  Being compelled to understand and grasp fake concepts is why many people do not do well in school.  It's a proven fact.  There have been studies (trust me).  

This art depicts, in a more user-friendly 
way, the scientific explanation 
for why the earth rotates.
Many creative types have figured out the world works due to magic and rather than face being ostracized, they pretend they just like art better than math and science so they don't appear stupid.  When you try to explain to people that scientific explanations are really just specious arguments, many get all nasty and condescending.  Those people worked very hard to understand all the rules and minutia of the universe and don't want you raining on their parade.

Completely changing topics, but it just came to mind as something else that doesn't make sense; mechanical pencils.  In my last post I listed some things that I just don't see the beauty of.  Many of you were on board, but quite a few people felt compelled to tout the mechanical pencil.  One person was The Party.  He loves mechanical pencils and informed me they are used by smarty-types like accountants and engineers (both groups who probably think electricity isn't magic) and, in support of his statement, he said that you don't see too many people filling out unemployment forms with mechanical pencils.  Giant Ev.  And whistle.

In Summary:
Think outside the box - you will see you are being fooled.
Magic has created electricity but not calorie-free, yet delicious pizza
When I say things like electricity and the phone are magic, people like The Party get all rashy and worked up.
I still think mechanical pencils suck.

The End.


  1. Replies
    1. You will also notice that it says it's 9:45 on my b'day, when, in fact, it is 12:45 and is no longer my b'day.
      Just saying. Magic!
      Mom (the aged)

    2. Short for Whatever. I gave The Party a big giant whatever.

    3. You may tell the Party that unemployment forms are online these days; that would just damage the monitor. Pencils are no longer relevant (and who fills out paperwork in pencil anyway? They yell at you for that.)
      Also, I feel like a giant douchy nerd because I have this insane urge to explain all those phenomena... *sad face* But all I'm going to say is "good vibrations," and I think I might be enamored with Steffi below. I loooove math. :P

    4. First - please for the love of God - don't encourage Steffi.

      Second - I am totally going to tell Party that he couldn't be more wrong wrong wrong about the unemployment forms. And, agreed - why would you use a pencil anyway!?

    5. Caitlyn - You are my new best friend! And ANYONE who loves math - and understand the "magic" - is PERFECT in my book! And ignore DTC, I too, am not just a pretty face!

    6. she's like a stray Caitlin (notice I spelled her name right SteFFi), you paid attention to her and now she'll keep coming back to you.

    7. Lulz to both of you. I already have two cats; what's a stray mathematician compared to that? :P And you're welcome for the update. :D

  2. Fax machines are magic. Also, The Party once again misses the point. Unemployment itself is actually magic. No forms to fill out. Free money for all!

  3. I'm with you on the whole "Math is Magic" bandwagon. Way back in the day, I asked my algebra teacher "Why?" and she told me that math is like religion.... sometimes you just have to believe.

    1. While I am sure you agree - your math teacher was an idiot! I, however, am not! Just saying! If you ever wanted to dispel the magic of math - call on me......(Although I only believe that math is not magic until 9th grade or so, then I think it must be!)

  4. OH! DEAR! GOD!.. I guess I get paid to do something that is not even real....hmmm....I think I am going to just sit around all day and tell admin that math is magic after all!

    1. you should probably just teach your kids some magic spells or how to use a wand - it would be more fruitful.

    2. I do teach them that - it the form of algebra and slope! It is all magical in my classroom - the kids are ALL spellbound to my words! :)

    3. you are imagining my eye roll -correct?

    4. Seriously?!?! You are mumbling again. I can't understand A WORD you are saying......

  5. Why *can't* magic create calorie-free yet delicious pizza? (Or ice cream? Or brownies?) That's what I want to know.

  6. It really is magic...

    I mean. How is it that I can "record" a show and it magically appears on the magic box that shows pictures DAYS after it originally came on?? MAGIC. *spirit fingers*


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