Monday, April 4, 2011

I Shoulda Learned to Play the Guitar. I Shoulda Learned to Play Them Drums.

First of all, let me just say that if you do not know that today's title is from a song, then you need to listen to the radio more.  Or be older or younger.  Whatever.  Apparently lots of people didn't know that I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson is the title of a song.  It's very hard to appreciate my subtle, yet humorous, connections between my title and the topic/theme if you don't get what I am talking about.  True, some writers might blame themselves for not being clear enough, or expecting the reader to know what's in their mind, but not me.  I blame you.  Unless you got it, in which case I think you are awesome.

But please, do not despair if you didn't know.  My fondness for you is such that I of course forgive you and will try to give more clues.  Don't get me wrong, I still think I'm funny, even when I am the only one who gets the joke, but it IS better when you are on board with me.

Okay, so down to business.  People, we are not doing all we can do to get rich.  And I am not talking about working harder.  We need to work smarter (or dumber, I'm not 100% sure which).  I happened upon a video the other day that left me speechless (hard as that is to believe) - LFO's Summer Girls.  In case you are wondering LFO stands for Lyte Funky Ones.  Already you know this isn't going to end well.  I am posting the video because you really have to hear all the lyrics, not just the chorus, which is:

When I met you I said my name was Rich.
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch.
New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits.
Chinese food makes me sick.

Believe me, the lyrics only get better.  And PS, hits and sick don't even rhyme.

After seeing this video I realized there are a lot of audio/visual train wrecks out there.  The songs and videos are a disaster, but the singers are making a boatload of money from them.  Worse is that we mostly know the words to these songs and sing along.  Some at least make a little more sense than Summer Girl.  Not in that category is Kesha (you know my feelings) and her latest, or what I think is her latest (they all sound the same).  You and I continue to live normal, non-millionaire lifestyles while Kesha sings:

You don't want to mess with us.
Got Jesus on my neck-a-lus us us us

Sad sad sad.  The last two songs/videos that came to mind were very popular, and you still hear them on the radio. Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby's Got Back" and Biz Markie's "Just A Friend."  I am embarrassed to say, but I pretty much know all the words to these songs.  It's not good.  Giving credit, both songs at least make sense and rhyme, but...

Here is the link for Biz's song.  Blogger is not letting me put up the video, but you gotta go see it.  How did he convince anyone he should be singing or starring in videos?  Biz is not from the singers.  I did hear that he was recently on some kids' PBS-type TV show, which is a little odd.  I imagine I could Google that for you and find out for sure, but I figure you can just take my word for it.

I was watching one of the VH1 Hits of the 80's shows and Mix-A-Lot actually said that the video was embarrassing because he essentially looked like a big piece of poop sitting on top of the big giant ass in the video.  That is never good.

What does all this mean?  It means that if the rest of us had even a modicum more of ambition or creativity we would be rich, or at least richer.  Honestly, I think if we all get together we can come up with a song and video at least as good as these.  We have clearly wasted years of our lives on education, reading books, seeing plays and generally trying to become well-rounded.

Final note - I brilliantly figured out how to add another tab.  Yes, I know I already had two, but for some reason I couldn't get a third to add.  I blame it on the computer and not on user error.  Anyway, there is now a Contact DTC tab.  I am sure my inbox will be filled with ideas on what our upcoming video should look like.  When we win our Grammy, I think we should all wear matching outfits.


  1. OMG Friends!!! I forgot to mention the whole reason I got onto a tear about awful songs and videos in the first place!!

    Rebecca Black's "Friday"

    My children thought it was a laugh riot to make me watch the entire thing. When we got to the end I asked "Was there supposed to be something good or funny about that?" They said no and laughed some more that I would never get back those 3+ minutes.

    To best describe it to you I will say that LFO's Summer Girls is actually brilliant in comparison. There are no words to describe the awfulness of this song. You will want to stick a pencil in your ear.

  2. You are correct. Biz is on the show "Yo Gabba Gabba" on Nick Jr. for the preschool set. He has a regular feature called "Biz's Beat of the Day" where he teaches 3 and 4 year old how to beat box/rap. He ends each segment with a spin and says "Bye Bye" in a high pitched, kid-like voice. It goes well with the entire show, which my kids LOVE. It is a crazy show with lots of music and odd characters that keep the kids mesmerized. The songs stick in your head like no other and teach important things, like "Don't Bite Your Friends". My husband swears the writers get high one afternoon, then write an entire season worth of songs in an hour. It is an experience.

  3. Rich C of LFO died of cancer last year. And before dying he pretty much admitted that "Summer Girls" song was a big stinkin' pile. Poor guy. Too bad clarity comes at the end.

  4. M-o-a-L - thank you for the confirmation. I have never seen Yo Gabba Gabba b/c my kids are too big. Thankfully, they did learn not to bite their friends anyway. :)

    Katy - I read that he had died as well (very sad). It does make me like him a little more knowing he knew the song was a disaster. When if first came out, I wonder if his friends and family pretended to like it or if they asked Rich and his "band mates" if they were high writing/recording it.

  5. After watching about thirty seconds of Biz's video, I think he needs to stick to working with kids, since most kids like obnoxious noises that adults find irritating as hell.


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