Wednesday, April 20, 2011

But I Don't Wanna

Can you imagine if you ultimately have to pick between Donald Trump and Sarah Palin for president?  I think even if you are not an Obama fan, Obama would have to start smoking crack and smack Michelle around a little, both on national TV, for him to look less qualified than these two.  And even then...

For argument's sake, we will pretend that Donald and Sarah are our only two choices.  Who are you going to pick?  Move to Canada is not an option.  Let's treat it like a game of "Which Would You Rather."  You know, the game where you have to decide what you would do given two crappy choices.

I wonder if Sarah thinks
 "President" is really just the
 name of a reality show.

To help us decide, let's talk about the pros and cons of each candidate.  We'll start with Sarah.  On the plus side, she is very attractive and always looks nice.  Not too many world leaders were previously beauty queens.  She graduated from the University of Idaho, so we can assume she reads and writes English.  She photographs well.  Did I mention she was attractive?  She's a good hunter (that would be a pro if you are alone in the woods with her and you are hungry).  She did try to be a good sport by going on SNL after they made fun of her.

There seems to be a few more things on the negative side for Sarah.  Even though she graduated from college, she doesn't come off as being too smart.  At the very least, she's not a quick thinker.  She talks in sound bites and usually picks someone else's ideas to back.  This often causes her a problem when someone asks her a question she wasn't prepared to answer or involves giving her own opinion.

Palin believes abstinence is the only birth control education that should be taught in schools.  She also believes schools should teach creationism.  She is against the right to an abortion.  She is against same-sex marriages.  She does not seem to be aware that while she is entitled to those opinions, they are based on her personal religious beliefs and therefore not necessarily what should be imposed on everyone.  I also heard she one time pushed down an old lady (okay, I didn't really hear that).

Note hair as well as
drunken use of
Donald Trump.  Hard to know where to start.  I'm going to go with his hair.  WTF!  He knows it's awful.  He knows people make fun of it.  Yet, he insists on keeping it the way it is.  Right there I have to take points out of the pro column.  How can we trust the judgement of someone who purposely walks around looking like that?  That hair alone is almost enough to give him an outright no.

Also against Donald is his history of declaring bankruptcy.    He ran three companies into the ground.  I am sure that cost a lot of people a lot of money.  He did not appear to be one of those people.  His personal wealth doesn't appear to have suffered much.  This worries me.  It won't matter one bit to The Donald if he cuts programs and benefits to people to balance a budget or get rid of a deficit.  He's got plenty of money to cover what he needs.

On the plus side for Trump is that he is Wharton educated and seems like a relatively smart guy.  He's well-dressed (if you can notice past the hair).  I have never seen him spit in public or pick his nose.  He is a good speaker and is able to articulate his own opinions.

As for his position on human/personal rights issues, I haven't heard a word.  I actually think that's because Donald doesn't give a crap what we do as long we don't eff up his business model for making the United States rich like him and feared by all other countries.  I am concerned that part of his plan will include changing the name of everything to Trump.  I can see the 50 stars on the flag being replaced by 50 little Donald Trump faces.

I have to say, with all this information, I am not sure who is the least painful choice.  I think if forced, I would pick Trump because when Palin had her last baby she was over 40, but was still able to lose her baby weight pretty quickly and look thin on TV.  How does she expect to get the female vote pulling crap like that?


  1. This was perfect and hilarious and ALL SO TRUE!


  2. This reminds me of the choices we had in our last election for governor. It was a toss up. The lesser of two evils. In your hypothetical, I'm thinking Donald would be the lesser evil, but it's close.

  3. Are you sure I can't leave the country? If I had to pick I suppose it would be Trump because he is slightly less irritating than Palin.

  4. Oh that was well done indeed!

    Ummm...I don't know. I heard that Trump used to be a registered democrat and used to be pro-choice. But he changed his party and his beliefs back in 2009.

    I guess Trump, but MAN that's a toughie. They are both maximum irritating. I just think that he might be a tad more intelligent than Palin.


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