Monday, April 11, 2011

"Are We There Yet?" - The Other Meaning

Exciting News!  Today stark.raving.mad.mommy, who we love love love, stopped by to give us her thoughts on the quickly approaching teen years.  I, like many of you, worried about this for years.  Now that I have two teenagers, I must tell's good you're worried.

No, no, I jest.  You will all survive.  Tomorrow I will share with you and stark.raving.mad.mommy some tips for navigating the teen years.  Waiting for this phase gives a whole new meaning to "Are we there yet?"  Which is followed by "And how to do I escape?"

Teen Drama

Last week, my twin daughters turned ten. They are inching closer and closer to being actual teenagers. So far they still like to play on the playground, but I know we’re only a few years away from them seeing a playground as a place to hang out and annoy parents of little kids.

 It’s a little terrifying.

Coincidentally, I received some random health magazine in the mail with an article about talking to your kids about “club drugs.” Apparently, people still do ecstasy. I didn’t think it was still a problem because Newsweek stopped running articles about raves like ten years ago. Also, it seems that OxyContin is still a big thing. Parents should know that OxyContin is a prescription pain medicine, not a new acne treatment or laundry brightener.

You know what else kids are doing now? Sniffing foul-smelling crap and taking animal tranquilizers. Seriously. Ketamine. It’s a freaking animal tranquilizer. Now, I’m not a doctor, and I don’t even play one on TV, but I’m going to go ahead and guess that shooting up something that’s used to knock out lions so zoo dentists can clean their fangs is probably not a great choice as a recreational activity.

When I was in high school, lots of kids drank beer, some kids smoked pot, and the rich kids dropped acid. Some kids liked to do whip-its, but to me, a mind a can of perfectly good Reddi-Wip is a terrible thing to waste. No one was snorting lion tranquilizers or taking pills that make you want to suck on a pacifier. At least not as far as I was aware. Maybe that’s actually what the cool kids were doing all along, in their pinstripe jeans and Laura Ashley dresses.

 The thought of my kids navigating those waters scares the crap out of me. Obviously, immediately after reading the “club drugs” article I gave my kids a lunchtime lecture on the dangers of huffing. They are now too scared to smell anything, which I’m pretty sure means I did my job correctly.

There’s also the worry that as children turn into teenagers, they also morph into moody, hormone-driven changelings who know everything. According to what’s on television, as teens my kids will become vampires, bed-hopping socialites, or a plucky group of starry-eyed misfits with their hearts set on winning the Regional Show Choir Competition. Clearly, I’m hoping for vampires.

As it is, we are getting little sneak peeks into the mood swings already. I assume when we hit puberty it will be even more fun. Add in the family history of mental health issues and it is going to be a full-on Tilt-a-Whirl of awesome.


  1. Okay, so I'm not sure which part is Mrs. Donkey and which part is SRMM. I'm going to go ahead and say that the part about the 10 yr. old twins is NOT you, since I've never seen them. And I'm going to accept the fact that you (and Brother) didn't do drugs (because, obviously, we were too poor). I am sorry that you have the constant worry about your children and the horrible world of drugs out there. But I am SOOOO grateful that I got through your teen years w/out having to go to the hospital or police station to visit you.
    Mother still loves you.

  2. Hoping for vampires.
    Nice. :)

  3. Yea don't be angel of a teen turned she devil last week on me. F that she got tossed in her room as a side effect of not dealing with EMO and anger issues that is pretty much all teens

  4. Hahahahaha Laura Ashley dresses-- maybe this is why I have Laura Ashely bedding so many years later?

  5. I'm hoping the fact that my daughter takes so many medicines so early in life and that we have had discussion after discussion of how medicine and drugs should only be taken as prescribed, never taken unless an adult you trust gives it to you, and if you find a pill or anything else that you should immediately bring it to an adult, that we can easily transition to the don't do drugs. I've already got the kids scared to death of what smoking can do to their lungs, skin, and teeth, so I'm hoping we are on the right track.

  6. shoot my 9 year old dd just hit puberty the last couple of weeks.. she blew up at her stepmom for no reason.. another day she broke down sobbing at me when I was just joking around with her.. and then this past week she had her first period.. I was like OMG that explains so much! and now I'm really terrified... I mean she's 9 for goodness sake! She's always done everything early.. I thought the size 7 women's shoes were bad enough last month.. now this? I'm so going to lose my mind over this lol

  7. All that stuff at 9!?!? I hope you're a drinker! ;)

    Maybe this means she will get through the teenage ugliness earlier too. Fingers crossed.

  8. Oh yeah...having a daughter makes the term, "the time of the month" seem like something out of a horror film. B/C (before children) that term meant, "when the bills were due" as in, "It's that time of the month to pay the cable."

    Ahhh...the good ol' days.... ;)

  9. Just a forewarning...your children's bodies will be taken over by aliens in junior high then parts of them will slowly come back in high school and finally, in their senior year they become human again (sigh). By the way, the school staff that teaches them belong to the alien race as well. Be education (watching kids make out),beligerency and nastiness is commonplace on school campuses. It's awesome fun to hear about and take part in. EVERYONE and ANYONE knows more than you do. I LOVED this age when my daughters went through it. I swore my oldest wouldn't make it to 16 before I killed her...alas that human gene did come roaring back just in the nick of time!

  10. LOL - Alien Anonymous - you and I think alike. On my post of parenting tips, (Feb 17th), I said almost the same thing.


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