Wednesday, June 8, 2011

A Word To The Wise

I tried to avoid having to discuss this topic, but it continues to be all over the news.  Even when it dies down, the next joker will do the same thing.  I want to help keep this from happening again.  Where to start?  Sigh.  There is so much to say, a lot of which one would expect goes without saying, but apparently, not so much.  I'm going to try to keep this simple.  

If your last name is Weiner, once you've reached adulthood you should be pretty well aware that you don't want to be part of any issue or problem or play on words involving penises.  You have probably heard every joke that makes note of the fact that your name is Weiner and a wiener is another name for a penis.  Any time people can run with this joke, they will.  Stop helping them.

Don't do stuff that makes it that much easier for people to capitalize on the Weiner/wiener jokes.  This would include sending pictures of your wiener to people.

If you are a politician, famous, an athlete, have an open bench warrant, or are in some other way well-known, DO NOT send pictures of your junk to anyone.  Ever.  Even if they ask you.  You know what else, don't even take a picture of your junk.  Or let anyone else.  
These are for PHONE CALLS!
Your plan probably doesn't include
sending porn.  Just saying.
If you had ever, even once, paid attention to what's going on on the planet you would be aware that taking/sending pictures of your body parts or anything of a sexual of a nature is going to end poorly for you.  The other person always shows and tells!  Always!  And if they didn't actually tell on their own, their cousin's husband Bobby Ray, who just got out on bail and had to make a phone call, will borrow their phone and find your picture and show and tell.

I am also going to throw videos in the mix here.  Do not make a sex tape.  Yes, I understand the appeal, and you might be asking why two adults in a relationship or married people cannot do this for their own enjoyment.  I will give you two reasons why.  Jennifer Lopez and Pamela Anderson.  Both videotaped themselves having sex with  their husbands.  Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee were unable to keep their stolen tape off the internet.  Jennifer Lopez is still trying to keep her ex-husband (husband #1) from selling a tape of the two of them.

If, despite all warnings to the contrary, you insist on sending out crotch shots like you think you have something unique that 50% of the world doesn't have, then just be prepared.  That means when you get snagged, don't lie.  It won't work.  It never works.  You will just look twice as sleazy and gross.  Plus, have you never watched a single episode of CSI?  Forensics will be able to figure out when the picture was taken, by whom, where, what time of day and what computer, camera or phone sent it.  Further, based on microscopic fibers, they will know what color underpants you wore for the previous 3 days before the picture was taken. 

I understand that losing the freedom to send naked pictures of yourself is a tough price to pay, but, as Debbie Allen would say, "Fame costs, and right here is where you start paying."


  1. I simply can't understand the reasoning behind sending junk pictures to anyone. I have the internet if I want to see digital images of someone's stuff. And you're right, it never, ever ends well.

  2. I guess some people just don't think.
    It is a spurt of the moment thing and off that picture goes.
    If you are famous/well-known you should know better though. Those things won't end well and before you know it I can see your private parts on :P

  3. OMG, did you just say "spurt of the moment." Killing me...


  4. "spurt" of the moment - bahahaha!!

    Totally wish there was a "like" button for comments.

  5. I think it's a 'guy thing'... Most guys think that there is nothing more important in the world than their junk, and believe that any woman would be *thrilled* to get a picture of it to look at whenever she wanted. NOT ONE OF THEM understands that NO ONE wants to see their junk.


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