Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Give A Little Whistle...

Just to fill in those who don't know, I have a whistle.  I decided I needed one to blow at annoying people - both in and out of my house.  The Party was vehemently against it and thought no one in their right mind would allow me to have a whistle.  But, as you would expect, he was mistaken.  My friend Terrie made me a beautiful, bejeweled whistle with a sparkly beaded chain with my name on it.  Please admire said whistle in the  picture below.  Luckily, it's still early enough that you have time to tell your loved ones you'd like a similar one come holiday time.  It's a gift that keeps giving.
Isn't it beautiful?  I had to
insure it due to fear it would
be stolen/ stomped on.

So, I actually had to stop looking at the news stories because I was getting so annoyed at the whistle-worthiness of so many of them.  And, if I listed all the stories, it would fill an entire week's worth of posts.  I have listed the ones that I am finding most vexing.

1.  A 56-year-old Louisville, Ky man SHOT at some kids who rang his doorbell and ran away, hitting a 12 year old in the back, seriously injuring him.  Yes, children are hideously annoying, but clearly this was an over-the-top response.  What is wrong with you that you would shoot at children with a shotgun!?!?!

2.  This one's getting a whistle AND a smack.  David Tyree, wide receiver for the New York Giants has come out publicly against gay marriage.  He believes that if NewYork passes the bill allowing gay marriage, that our country will be sliding towards anarchy.  Really?  Anarchy?  Maybe look up the meaning of that word.  He goes on to say that two same-sex parents are not equipped to raise a different sex child.  "You can't teach something that you don't two men will never be able to teach a woman how to be a woman."  That is fascinating.  Wonder what he thinks of the ability of single, heterosexual parents to raise opposite-sex children.  I am sure that divorced and widowed parents everywhere will appreciate knowing that their children are clearly doomed.  

3.  A San Francisco-based group is against circumcision, calling it genital mutilation.  They are looking to have it banned for an assortment of reasons.  Sociologist Amitai Etzioni explains, among other things, in this article how circumcision has a fraction of the rate of complications of ear piercing, and we wouldn't dream of outlawing that.  If you are interested, you can go read it, but the main reason this group is getting a whistle is that they are ridiculous.  There are so many children out there who truly need to be saved from real things that affect their day-to-day lives, like hunger and abuse.  Have you ever, even once, heard a child complain that he was circumcised?  Even if this is a real problem, it waaaaayyyy low on the list of problems in the world.  Find something useful to do with your time.  You know what, I am giving this a whistle AND smack too.

DTC Quiz - which is
expensive salon style
and which is real bed
head?  Winner doesn't
get whistled at.
4.  This is a really good one.  Newest Hollywood hair fad is "bed head."  Hello, if you have to go to a salon and have it professionally "bedded" you have kind of missed the point.  If you look gorgeous and tousle-y when you wake up, by all means, go for it.  But, I don't need one more famous person pretending that their hot, glamorous look is just happenstance.  Do we not have enough photo shopped beautifulness to compete with already?

5.  This is a whistle, smack and kick in the junk (for dad and husband).  I am sorry, I don't care one bit about true love transcending age, a 51-year-old man and a 16-year-old girl getting married is gross.  And the fact that the girl's parent or parents gave consent for this to happen just tells me they should lose custody of their child (well, I guess they already have).  The man of whom I speak is Doug Hutchison, of "The Green Mile" and "Lost."  His new bride is Courtney Stodd, a country singer ( never heard of her).  Her dad thinks Doug is just the nicest guy ever.  So what if he's nice!?!?!  A 51-year-old who is a good match with a 16-year-old should be avoided like the plague.

Does smoking out
of a whole in your
throat help you
not have cigarette
6.  This last one gets a whistle, but did make me laugh.  Me laughing at the graphic was probably not the intended response.  The FDA has decided that by mid-2013 cigarette packages will have to carry a picture to go along with whatever warning is on the package and that the picture must take up at least 50% of the package.  The picture shown is of a man smoking out of his neck ( I am laughing right now, I'm horrible).  I know it is isn't funny, but the artsy picture seems to look more artsy than ominous.  I just keep picturing the scene in "Beatlejuice" where the lady in charge of heaven/ghosts is talking in a rough, gravelly voice, smoking out if her neck.  The whistle actually goes to the smokers, who will still smoke despite the package essentially screaming at them "you will die!"  As you know, people in general are not known for taking a hint or a word to the wise.

7.  My last whistle is for the state of Pennsylvania's Department of Transportation.  They felt that my son should have a learner's permit to drive a car.  If my son drives a car, it is much harder for me to sell that I am 25.  Yes, I know that looking at me accomplishes the same thing, but whatever.  I did not sign on to be the mother of someone who will try to take years off my life by driving a car.  No thank you!!   As an aside, The Party and I actually agree on this, so I guess it's nice that we are bonding, but again, whatever. 


  1. I'll take that whistle. Hey, if I get a hole in my neck, that just means I can smoke two cigarettes at once! How sweet would that be? ;)

  2. I heard about the 51 year old marrying the 16 year old. Having never watched The Green Mile or Lost, I don't know who either of them are. But I do know her dad is 47. And that makes it all worse.

  3. The old guy and the young girl make me sick. What's wrong with people???!! At least they are a heterosexual couple, huh? ;) ROFL!

  4. I love your whistle posts!!!! And I saw that Hutchison marrying Stodd was trending yesterday, yet I didn't know who they were. Now I do. Thank and ewww.

  5. TMM - I am sadly shaking my head at you. Clearly, you should smoke out of the hole and eat something delicious with your mouth. You don't need 2 cigarettes. :)

    The rest of you - doesn't even matter who the 51 year old is - yuck!!! And her parents deserve a whistle and smack too!


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