|You see how this called|
my name, right?
As you can imagine, God is not in the best mood. The Egyptians are not cooperating and he is forced to come up with a gang-o-plagues to get the them to understand he means business. Even then, once the Jews tried to leave, God had to part the Red Sea to help them get across quickly since the Egyptians changed their mind and were coming to recapture the Jews. He then had to close it back up on the Egyptians. God does not feel happy at having to employ such tough love measures.
|God did a better job with|
some plagues than others.
About halfway down the mountain, God says "Oh wait Moses, one more thing..." Moses, who is tired and crabby at this point says "Ahhhhhhhh! What?!?!" and slams down the tablets containing the 10 Commandments. Of course they break all over the ground and God is pissed off. So, God, seeing that there doesn't appear to be 40 days worth of notes on those tablets, calls Moses back up the mountain, has him re-write his "summary" and then tells him that for being such an ass about the whole thing and complaining about having to write for 40 days, he can go back to the people and explain to them that they will now be wandering the desert for 40 years thanks to Moses's ungrateful attitude.
Moses heads back down again and is trying to figure out how he's going to explain the whole 40 years in the desert thing without getting his ass kicked. As fate would have it, Moses caught a break. He sees that in his absence the rest of the Jews have been back to praying to a golden calf. Now, in fairness to the Jews, Moses hadn't yet returned with the official final edition of the one god only rule, so they were really just hedging their bets a little if Moses didn't show back up - I mean he was gone a long time.
|Where would they get a |
golden anything? I don't even
think that's real gold.
From then on, throughout the history of religion, there has been debate on whether the bible was God's exact words sent through a human hand or was instead, divinely inspired. Now you see why that is. You know there was no way Moses was able to remember everything God said, so some stuff is more exact than others. The End.
If you are interested in more of my biblical interpretations, please visit me at www.probablygoingtohell.com.