Monday, February 27, 2012

And We're Back

Hello Friends!!  It's been forever!!  First, I was getting ready for vacation, then I was on vacation, and then I had to recover (read clean up the disaster situation I left my house in when I left).  But, now I am back and am dying to catch up.  As I said on Facebook, if you didn't notice I was gone, please just nod and smile politely and we'll move on.

Picture this with bathing suits
instead of fancy clothes and
that's where we were in regard
to the chair savers.
First, the vacation.  My mom took my family and my brother's family to Beaches in Turks and Caicos.  As you know, a vacation you do not have to pay for is already awesome before you go.  We all had a great time and nobody had to get voted off the island.  I would say the only problem the whole time we were there was the relentless chair saving.  At every pool and on the beach people would save several chairs.  There were always tons of empty chairs, but nowhere to sit!  So rude!  Here's how it works cannot save your chairs at 7am and then not come use them until 1pm.  The longest span of time you can leave your chair is to go get lunch.  So, we're talking like an hour.  Other than that, you are just racking up bad karma points and destined to have a lot of rain on a subsequent vacation.  Or have someone accidentally trip you on this one.

Later this week, I am very excited to say, I will be going away again.  This time just me with my friend LG (you remember her from the New Orleans trip).  We are going to Florida to visit her mother.  We have lots of fun things planned and I am really looking forward to it.  As I told LG, the best part will be that I will not have to utter the following phrases at any time during our trip: "pay attention," "watch where you're going," "stop it," "get off her/him," or "I don't think you need a fourth ice cream today."  Also, I will only have to pack/ make a list for myself.  Oh, and I am using frequent flyer miles, so another free trip for DTC.  If only I didn't have to stand next to LG in a bathing suit (she's tall and thin)  The Party could come too, it would be the perfect vacation.  Yes, that's what I meant to say.

Speaking of The Party, it's his assertion that my last post, Boys Are Just Terminally Wrong, was actually making fun of him.  Uh hello?  Everything is not about you.  I can't help it that when I share my observations about life Party thinks it's about him.  Sure, he was in a fraternity and sure he won't carry a bag, but the post could hardly be characterized as mocking him personally.  And really, it wasn't even mocking.  It was descriptive, or thought provoking, if you will.  One might say that Party and other male-type people might want to use this as a spring board for introspection.  It could be the first step on the way to enlightenment and self-awareness.  I will be waiting for all my thank you notes.

Now, if I wanted to hassle The Party, I would tell you what happened the other day when I went to do laundry.  If I was trying to give him a hard time, I would tell you that, in an effort to be helpful, I was doing laundry after our trip, as no one had any underwear, but ran into a problem, thanks to him.  I put a load of laundry in the washing machine and went about other things in the house.  I had to run an errand before taking my shower and figured I would throw the stuff in the dryer on my way out.

**side bar - my errand was that I realized, as I was about to get in the shower to get ready for a black tie event, that I had neglected to buy the requisite foundation garment so I had to rush out to the store.  My back-up item happened to be in the washer so I figured if my trip was a failure, I at least had something clean that might work and would be dry.  Timing was of the essence here.  I had not scheduled in a trip to the store.**

So, I go to put the clothes in the dryer, but I notice the washer has some weird code and says "add items."  WTF - add items??  Who is the boss around here?  I decide how much stuff gets washed at a time, not the washer.  Anyhoo, I figure the washer was may be off balance so I reach in to move the clothes around.  This is already a problem.  The clock is ticking. Because we have a new extra large, top loading, no agitator (it's a beauty) washer this task is kind of difficult.  Why you ask?  I will tell you.  It's a problem because in order for me to reach the bottom, I have to hoist myself up on my tippy toes and lean my whole body into the washer.  The edge of the washer is digging into my ribs and I can't breath and the blood is rushing to my head.  Oh, and my toes are now a little bit off the ground.  And no, I am not making this up.

I climb back out of the washer (tick tick tick) and start the machine.  Lots of moving and wiggling (by the machine), but no water, and now no code either.  Gahhhhh!! I have to go!  Stop the washer, reset it, start the washer again.  Same deal.  It's starting, but no water is coming out.  Nothing is flashing.  It seems as if the washer is actually "working" but just without water.  Are you kidding me!?!?!

This washing machine
debacle was the thanks
I got for trying to be helpful.
Then suddenly, it dawns on me.  I look up at our new easy-to-reach valve that turns the water on and off to the washer.  IT'S OFF!!!!!!  WHO THE F TURNED THE WATER OFF???!!!  I of course know that it's Party who has turned it off.  After all, you're supposed to turn off the water when you go on vacation.  But here's the thing, we have never, not ever, not once in 20 years even discussed turning off the water, let alone actually done it.  How does he just decide to turn it off and not mention it.

Despite the fact that I have now wasted quite a bit of time that I don't have, I take a minute to e-mail Party and ask him how long he figures I just screwed around at the washer trying to figure out that he turned off the water.  His cheery response was that how could he not use our new valve now that it's so easy to reach.  And oops, he's sorry, he meant to tell me.  He was not sorry at all.  AT ALL I tell you.  He thinks it's funny that I have a hard time reaching into the washer and that my toes dangle.  I know he was chuckling to himself just thinking about it.

So, as you can see, my last post in no way was meant to give The Party a hard time.  If I wanted to bother him, I would have written something along the lines of the above.  But, I would never do that because I am a ray of sunshine and wouldn't want him to think people are taking my side against him.  So Party, you are welcome for not making fun of you.  xo


  1. As fellow a short person and laundry do-er, I have to warn you about the dangers of using a step stool in your laundry room. Someone taller than I (probably my mother, but it could've been anyone really, they're all taller than I am) pushed the bottle of laundry detergent all the way to the back of the shelf above the washing machine. (I can barely reach it when it's at the very front of the shelf) I got my little step stool, and right as I was stretching to reach that last couple of centimeters to get fingers on the bottle (Yes, I was too short even with the step stool. Shut up. It's not that funny.) the step stool shot out from under my feet and I fell, cracking my ribs on the washing machine. Anyway, the point is that step stools are dangerous. Now I drag out the big step ladder.

  2. The lesson I am learning from your comment is that we shouldn't be doing laundry.

    I have actually given up changing light bulbs altogether. Even when I stand on a chair, I can't really reach. I told Party it was his permanent job.

    1. Isn't the wash his permanent job?
      Imagine if you can't reach the bottom, how I do it being several inches shorter than you.
      Love, Mom

  3. We turn the water off after EVERY load. Tell The Party that!!
    Guess who?

    1. Well it would have to be someone who is perfect all the time - Barb C is that you?

    2. I can't believe you thought that was ME! I am lucky to get the laundry clean once in awhile! <3 bc

    3. oh, and i am quite honored, touched, albeit speechless, that you consider me "perfect all the time". i love you! just sayin'. <3 bc again

    4. and i don't even know where the water valve is ...

    5. The Party only knows where it is b/c it was just relocated and fixed.

  4. Great. Now that you've taken the Party's cred in your previous post, I can't show my hubby this post to prove that YES! INDEED! People actually shut off their water when gone for extended periods of time! Now, we'll just have to go back to that game where I shut off the water before everyone loads one. damn. final. time. into the car for a trip, the genius "pretends he forgot something" in order to go back into the house and turn the water back on, I threaten him with deadly force (no whistle and smack will do in this situation) if, when we return from vaca, our entire house is waterlogged from days of broken pipe explosion, and he goes to his happy place where he thinks I'm bluffing.

  5. I can't reach the bottom of the washer either. Even with my toes in the air, I have to use a tool to reach socks that get stuck down there. Glad you are back. I missed you (and yes, I noticed).

  6. I am just getting to this post and laughing the whole way. You write in such a great way that I felt like I was there giggling the whole time. AND, I can even picture the smirk on The Party's face when he was sending you the text back.

    Love Ya....Jenni


Popular Posts