Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Your Lips Say No, But Your Eyes Say Yes

The Party will have
to get used to
attention when I take
over the Letterman show.
This is helping him.
The Party says he really does not like when I write about him.  I think if he just gave it a little more thought he would realize that he does.  Does he want people to think I have no husband or a boring, non-fun husband?  How else will you all know about the constant entertainment that is my life if I don't share?  Okay, I don't think "entertainment" gives you the real picture.  It's more like I sometimes think I must be on Candid Camera or living in Bizarro World.  I like to run things by you guys as kind of a reality check to make sure it's not just me; that I am not just imagining that my husband and children are purposely being difficult for sport.

Anyhoo, The Party is a little on the shy and reserved side, so it's actually good for him to get used to a little more attention.  It's helping him to lessen his stress and live longer.  He doesn't think so, but trust me, it is.  So, not only have I immortalized him in print (PS - still no thank you on that), but I am adding to his good health and longevity.  Would you expect any less from a ray of sunshine?  No.  You would not.

Today's Candid Camera Episode went as follows:

Party:  I can pick up SB from soccer.  I am going to go running first.  Do you want to come?

(I look around for a camera or to see if he's talking to someone else.  Party knows I don't like to run and I don't think it's fun.  He's known this for awhile.  Like 25 years).

Me:  Are you expecting me to be chased?  Or on fire?
Party:  No.  I thought you might like it.
Me:  You know I don't have any interest in running.
Party:  It feels really good.

I mention that I have run before and didn't think it felt good.  Further, we then establish that it feels good when you're done, not necessarily during.  Okay.  So what I am being told is the good thing about running is that it feels good after you stop doing it.  Uh huh.  So why don't I just not do it at all and feel good all along?

Sometimes I think I am making myself extremely clear, but no one seems to hear what I am saying.  I keep telling my children we are not adopting a baby, but they keep discussing it with me like I said "maybe."  I am 44 years old, I am not having nor adopting a baby.  The baby party is over.

Last baby conversion:
I am talking to my mother and Boy hears us discussing someone else's baby, he pipes in...

We wouldn't want to subject a
new baby to the harsh realities
of life in the limelight.
Boy:  We should adopt a baby from China.
Me:  We are not adopting a baby from China.
SB:  (stops talking to her friend to join in)  How about from Kenya?
Me:  We are not adopting a baby from Kenya.  We are not adopting a baby from anywhere.
SB:  Haiti?

Honestly, how am I supposed to not talk about my family when these are the types of conversations I am forced to be a part of?  I am sorry children and Party, until our conversations are more Cosby Show and less Modern Family, I have no choice but to share and seek the support of the virtual world.  Think how much less expensive this is than therapy and more healthy than becoming an alcoholic.  I am doing it for all of us.  You're welcome.

And, just so the post isn't a total bust for The Party, I will share some WTF News with you that has nothing to do with him.  Consider this your PSA for the day.  If you are a woman and you have toes and you live in Arkansas, you might have a problem (other than living in Arkansas).  Consider wearing closed-toe shoes until the toe sucking bandit is captured.  Yes, you heard correctly.  Just like stuff with my family, I couldn't possibly make this up.  The bandit most recently forced an elderly woman's toes into his mouth.  Extremely disturbing.
You are totally welcome
for not posting some of
the pictures of real feet
I found.  Ew.


  1. My monkeys who don't even like the newest addition all that much want me to find them a cousin named daisy who is pre-med in college?! I should note my two making the request are 3 and 4 years old. I don't know where they come up with this. I should be concerned. It started because we have an extra chair at the dining table. A baby from wherever seems like such a small request! You should totally give in! Ha ha ha! Barrow one for a weekend... They'll stop harassing you. I can't even think about toe sucking without gagging... Yuck!!!

  2. My two are requesting baby as well. Choo choo - that train has left the station! Darling 8 year old also suggested that I should consider Botox. Perhaps but no thank you! Xoxo bc

  3. That makes the constant requests for a puppy over here seem downright pleasing.

  4. The boy says if we can't get a baby, he'll take a trampoline.

  5. I'd trade a child for a trampoline any day... which of mine do you think they'd accept?

  6. Oh - I sooo want a trampoline - then I can leave the sea urchins outside all day to jump on each other! (What?!?! That is not what they are to be used for?)

  7. We have a dog AND a trampoline. It's not helping, trust me.


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