Friday, September 30, 2011

If You Say "Y'all", Then It's Totally Fine

Apparently, it needs icing.
Who would've guessed?
So, I was reading about the top 10 state fair foods. I really couldn’t decide whether some of these sounded awesome or awful. I also wondered who thinks up this stuff. (You really have to go look at this list). I also noticed that your top state fair foods are from the south and the midwest. I think that might have something to do with how these foods come to be. Those people in the south know how to sell an idea. The food on this list would never have made it onto any menu here in the Philadelphia/New York area/northeast area.

Let me illustrate for you. If someone here in the north tried to sell this idea, it would go something like this:

Northerner #1: I was thinking deep fried butter on a stick.

Northerner #2: That doesn’t make sense and sounds unhealthy.

Northerner #1: I guess so, but it’s different. People might like it. People like food on a stick.

Northerner #2: I don’t think so Dude.

If you were below the Mason-Dixon line, it would be a whole different conversation:

That, y'all, is buffalo chicken
in a flapjack, coated with
jalapeno bread crumbs.
On a stick.  
Southerner #1: Oh. My. God!!! Y’all will not believe the dee-licious idea I’ve come up with for the fair! Fried butter!  It's a whole stick of butter, dipped in batter, deep fried. On.a.stick!!!

Southerner #2: I think I would D-I-E die if I saw that at the fair! That sounds so good!

Southerner #1: Y’all would not believe how good! It’s like a crispy cornbread delight just dripping with salty butter.

Southerner # 2: We are totally a go on this one.

Do you see? I assume that’s how all the rest of those items made their way to the fair. The take home lesson for all of you? Just throw the word “y’all” into your vocabulary and people will buy whatever you are selling. (“Y’all sometimes gets used in the singular as well, but that’s an advanced lesson. Don’t get carried away. You don’t want to blow the whole thing by misusing it).

You may recall that awhile back I mentioned (with great disdain/disgust) that an actor (51 years old) from Lost married a 16 year old aspiring country music singer.  Well, they have signed a deal to make a reality show.  That’s right, reality show. I am betting someone was throwing a lot of “y’all”s around. How else was somebody able to sell gross and disgusting as a good idea? That is the power of “y’all.”

Honestly, it is just too skeevy.
Even with a "y'all."
Yucky Reality Show - Veto Version
Loser: I was thinking we could follow around Courtney and Doug and let America see a middle aged man making out with his child bride.

Producer: I was thinking you don’t work here anymore. Why would we spend one minute with them or seemingly condone their behavior?

Yucky Reality Show – It’s a Go Version
Loser: Y’all will not believe this idea!! We show Doug and Courtney giving each other sugar while they go about their everyday lives. Y’all, they are cuter than a litter of puppies. They are just so sweet and in love. Y’all misunderstand where they’re coming from.

Producer: Cuter than puppies you say? I don’t reckon how I could say no.

Now, I don’t mean to poke fun of southerners. At all. It’s impressive that the way some of them talk is so alluring. It’s very entertaining to listen to. You almost don’t care what they are saying, you just want them to keep talking. (I think this might be why women kind of like the cowboy type). Another example – Jimmy Carter. People really liked him and thought he was a charming southern gentleman. He parlayed that into being president. Turned out not to be that great of a president. But, he sounded good.

Hey – let’s use the power for good!! (For those of you from the south, I don’t know if this actually works for you). Just throw a “y’all” into anything you have to tell your kids. And say it with a smile.  I can already picture the well-behaved children everywhere!

Old way:
Stop fighting with each other and screaming. It’s so annoying!

New way:
Y’all need to cut it out! I’m not foolin’. Y’all are too much.

In closing, I will tell you that if you are hoping to sound extra smart, do not say “y’all.” That is the time to pull out your British accent. I am well aware that I am again generalizing, but just trust me.


  1. Y'all gotta remember to use "Bless his heart" too. Loved this post! Will let ya know if the kids quit fighting.
    (IL born/raised, GA for 13 years, and I'm not eating fried butter on a stick)

  2. I have tenants. If one of them had a southern accent and the other a British, I don't think they'd ever have to pay rent. Obviously, I don't think I *have* an accent, but being from upstate NY, I probably sound very boring to everyone else. But I can talk at length about snow removal.

  3. I've lived in Texas my whole life, y'all, and I gotta tell ya that while "y'all" might work on your yankeeified kids, it don't pull no weight with our kids. I could "y'all" them all day long and it wouldn't make a lick of difference.

    Also, not all us southern folk eat that crazy deep fried stuff they got for sale at the fair. Fried Coca-Cola? Fried Butter? Fried Oreos? Eeewwwwww!! (Okay, my son actually tried the Fried Oreos a couple of years ago, and he said they were pretty good, y'all)

    **Also, when you read this, you should be hearing Minnie Driver's voice from when she was on The Riches.

  4. Loved this post!!

    Being from the West Coast and moving to good ol' Indiana, I have to say the fried fair foods are the only excitement we get out here in the corn fields. The more unhealthy and weird they are the better. It becomes a challenge to see who can live the longest after enjoying a stick or two of butter. ;)

  5. I've heard that, because of stereotypes, you should add 10 points to the IQ of a southerner and take 10 from one with a British accent.

    On the state fair thing...I'd kill for funnel cake.

  6. You have no idea what's going on here in Ontario.
    There is no "y'll" here and still people come from all over the place during August to visit the CNE and storm the food building featuring vendors that sell the craziest, heart attack foods.

    This year's "highlight": Krispy Kreme doughnut cheeseburger

    I saw someone eating it.
    And it looked terrible..

  7. Wouldn't y'all know Texas would be behind the fried butter idea, but Iowa threw in a STICK! Texas girl born and bred, but that is just NASTY (and I LOVE its correct place). At least we ain't to blame for fried Koolaid!

    Totally Mental Mommy is dead on: Y'all doesn't have a lick of magical effect on Li'l Southerners, bless their hearts ;)


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