Sunday, September 4, 2011

Me and Mother Nature - We're Like This

Lighthouse on LBI.
You can climb all kabillion
steps to the top if you want.
Every summer when the kids are done camp we go to Long Beach Island, NJ for a week.  We always have a great time, but a week never seems like quite enough.  This year we decided we would go for 2 weeks.  The Party arranged things so that he would be able to work from the beach during the second week if he needed to.   This meant he wouldn't have to go home at all during the 2nd week, which we thought he might.  Sounds lovely, yes?

Enter troublesome natural disasters.  The house we rented was on stilts (or pilings or whatever the correct word is).  At the beginning of week 1 we suddenly find ourselves (and the house) swaying back and forth on said sticks.  Yes, that's right.  Earthquake.  My children were too occupied annoying one another to notice THE WHOLE HOUSE WAS MOVING.  Nice to be on your own planet.  Regardless, no damages or injuries, we move along with our vacation.

They also tried to issue
tornado warnings, but
I was not even
trying to hear that.
Next attempt to thwart my fun - Hurricane Irene.  There is all sorts of talk about the hurricane and warnings of the proper precautions to take (as you may recall from my last post).  Blah Blah Blah.  Party is beside himself at my refusal to really believe we may have to evacuate the island or that there will actually be a hurricane.  By Thursday before the hurricane he explains to me that I will really have to consider going home for a few days. I asked why he was so worried - the house is on stilts, if it gets knocked over, we can just safely float around on our house raft.  He got a little twitchy and told me to stop talking to him.

As an aside, I must tell you that all this talk of leaving and weather and mayhem, etc., and my refusal to accept that it would actually happen, leads me to believe that I would have been one of those Jews who got stuck in Nazi Germany after refusing to heed warnings to flee.  So, luckily for me, my ancestors left Europe in the early 1900s and didn't have to depend on me to keep our family from perishing.

But, back to Twitchy The Party...he is not happy, so being the ray of sunshine I am, I agree that we can go home Thursday night until Sunday or Monday.  He thought that was very big of me, especially considering that there was now a mandatory evacuation for the island and I didn't really have a choice.  Ev.  I said I would go and went without having to be removed by authorities, I get credit for niceness and cooperation.

As you all know, the hurricane was more of a tropical storm and although there was flooding in some places, we (thankfully) didn't have any kind of Katrina situation.  LBI didn't actually seem to have any damage or flooding at all, if you don't count that half the beach was missing.

During the remaining week of our vacation the weather was gorgeous!  Perfect beach days.  I knew my good pal Mother Nature would reward me for my loyal belief in her.  Also, as a result of the ocean and beach getting all churned up - lots of really cool shells.   See, I knew I was one of Mother N's favorites.

My children, however, clearly do not favor me the way Mother Nature does.  They spent most of our vacation bugging the crap out of each other and then running to me whining and complaining about each other.  Yes, you are remembering correctly, they are 16 and 13.  Reminding them of this did nothing to cure them and they even had the nerve to be annoyed and insulted that we didn't like how they were acting!!!  In case you were wondering, 14 days is the exact right number of days of vacation because it matches up exactly with the number of days I can be practically 24/7 with ridiculous children.

OMG - do you guys
remember her?
"It's not nice to fool
Mother Nature."
You will be relieved to know that I did get some time to go shopping with my friend Kim.  We went in this one super cute shop that had tons of bags, hats, shoes, and accessories.  I decided to buy 2 little pocketbooks that were perfect for going out at night (yes, that's right, Kim, I said pocketbook, not handbag, you're not my boss) and a really fun necklace.  I take my stuff to the counter.  The girl that was helping me is ringing me up and the other salesgirl asks me did I want my things in a bag.  She asks me in a way that makes me think there is some other option, so I say "As opposed to"?  She gives me this blank stare and then says "Well, nothing.  I just meant did you want your things in a bag."  Are you kidding me?  I didn't just buy milk at 7-11.  Of course I want a bag!  Am I going to just walk out carrying 2 bags and a necklace in my hand????  I nicely smiled and said yes, I did indeed want a bag, thank you.  It was my good deed for the day to not be sarcastic to her.  It was just my way of throwing some good karma back into the universe so I would remain in Mother Nature's good graces.


  1. Glad you survived vacation.

    I am now picturing a house raft floating into the ocean...

  2. This post was fabulous - I laughed out loud! And I was JUST thinking about that mother nature commercial yesterday. I swear!

    Also...this Florida girl actually knows all about LBI. My uncle used to have a little t-shirt store up there in the summers. I went up and worked for him one summer when I was in college. Love it there. I'm glad your second week of vacation was good!

  3. I love how you're always so honest! Family vacations can turn ugly at times!

  4. And what did you say when I asked if the house was vibrating/moving? Oh, I remember..."Mother, are you having one of your episodes?" Do not impugn my perfect grandchildren.

  5. It is one of my millions of pet peeves to be asked if I want my things in a bag. Unless my options are plastic noisy bag or fancy liveried footman carrying them on a satin cushion, yes of course I want them in a bag!

  6. I have discovered that most sales people ask if we want bags to avoid being attacked by crunchy tree huggers (which I admit to being on a sliding scale) who can get quite nasty about their items being placed in disposable bags and usually tote their own about in their environmentally correct/cruelty free pocketbooks and fanny packs


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