Thursday, September 8, 2011

Annoying/Stupid: But It Sounded Good At First

First, I want to thank Rants From Mommyland again for having me over the other day to guest post.  Everyone was so nice and friendly and said nice things about my post.  Yay.  As a result, we now have some new friends over here at DTC.  Old people - be nice to the new people.  We want them to feel welcome.  No hazing or heckling (plus, you know that's what my mom's here for).

Now that the kids are all settled back in school, I felt like I had some time to bring up a few things that were troubling me.  Before I started to write, I was checking out the news (because I like us to seem like we know what's going on) and a found a few more things I wanted to share with you.  Seems like there is a no shortage of stuff that seems normal or like a good idea, but isn't.  Or, it's just plain dumb.

I guess the paper on top
discourages people
from doing this.
Still on my mind since it happened to me again last week is the straw wrappers.  Yes, I said straw wrappers.  For some reason, there are restaurants that take most of the straw paper off and then put the straw in your drink.  They leave the little bit at the top.  At first glance this seems like it's an attempt at being fancy.  I'm guessing the theory is that straw wrappers are low-rent and they don't want trash on the table.  Of course, you the drinker, don't want the waiters fingers on your straw, hence the little bit of wrapper left at the top.  So now we have trash in 2 spots.  Where the waiter started the process and on your table where you took the rest off.  Plus, with just an inch of wrapper, how are you going to blow your wrapper across the table at your husband and children?

Less personal, but still annoying, was the local news story on the Parx Casino.  Apparently, the people who frequent the Parx Casino (just outside of Philadelphia) are inclined to leave their little children in the hot car and go in to gamble.  I think we all agree that's not good.  The next part of the story goes on to say that the police have had to arrest less people since Parx added more security to monitor the lots.  My first thought was great.  Then, it occurred to me; why is the casino responsible for making sure people don't cook their children in the car?!?!?  I guess maybe there is some underlying thought that the casino is luring in people who can't help their gambling, so therefore, anything that happens to the gambler, their family or possessions is the casino's fault.  That's stupid, and I am giving it a whistle (new people, click here if you want to get up to speed on the whistle thing).

Well, I guess
 now we know.
Next on the stupid hit parade is the "swallowable perfume."  You take the pill and then the perfume is sweated out through your skin.  Stress, exercise, temperature and sexual arousal affect the amount of perfume that is emitted via your perspiration.  One, if you are too sweaty then you are going to smell like you bathed in perfume.  And, two, I can't imagine that perfume mixed with sweat is going to smell better than just a little spray of perfume on your neck and wrists.  Just saying.  Also just saying that if you swallowed perfume it would make you sick, how does a perfume pill know to emanate through your pores versus poison you?  As always, I want to say to all you science-y types working on things like this, you do know they haven't cured cancer yet, right?  Try working on a pill for that.

This next one is making me sigh.  There is talk of making a live-action Rugrats movie.  Why?  Anything funny, cute or good about Rugrats was pretty much accomplished through the cartoon.  It's going to be a bad idea.  Let me turn your attention to Rosie O'Donnell and John Goodman in the live-action version of The Flintstones.  Anyone in that movie was lucky to ever work again.  

I think her smile looks a little
fake.  I bet Trump still
won't come on her show.
On a last note, since we are talking about Rosie (yes, we sort of are), turns out she's not mean anymore.  At least she says she's not.  She says that she had a lot of rage and anger issues she really didn't realize, but now she is much better and very happy.  She didn't mention therapy or counseling or anything.  She says she had low estrogen.  Now that she takes estrogen, she is all good to go.  Coincidentally, this coincides with her new show about to air on the Oprah network.  I guess Oprah told Rosie she better get her sh%& together or she was gonna bounce her ass off TV once and for all.

Oh yeah, just so we can count this as meaningful adult discourse, also in the news is the debate among some presidential hopefuls.  Don't worry if you didn't see it.  Just knowing it happened last night will be enough to help you pass as in-the-know.  If anyone tries to get specific with you or discuss it, just say that the debates were the "same old same old; politicians spouting off rhetoric and trying to make the other guy look bad."  Trust me, it'll work.  But, remember, after you say that, you have to feign the need to use the bathroom or take a phone call (pretend faint if you have to) since you don't have a follow up.


  1. HAHAHA Looks like I'm not the only one that blows straw wrappers at my kids!

    My concern about the perfume pill when I heard about it was - how long does it take to wear off? I mean, what if your particular body chemicals don't react well with the chemicals in the capsule and you wind up smelling like stinky feet? How long could one expect that to last?

  2. I am with you guys on the straw wrapper blowing. ;) Alternative I use it to occupy Ace for about 10 seconds when he tries to get them off.. :P

    I am really torn on the perfume pill.
    It could be awesome.. or it could be a desaster..
    On the other hand, here at work a co-worker sitting in a cubicle behind me had a gas problem yesterday and nothing can smell worse than that...

  3. @Mel - snort on the gassy co-worker! Totally LOL for real. Imagine how much worse it would have been if they had also been emanating stinky perfume smell mixed in with it.

    I wonder if that would be deadly like bleach and ammonia?

  4. Dear Precious,
    I see you have recognized my value to you and the country at large.


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