Monday, September 19, 2011

Talk Amongst Yourselves...I'll Give You A Topic

Those nails are
like buttah!
"The number is 555-4444.  Call, we'll talk, no big whoop."  Would that not be the funnest if we could have a DTC call-in/ talk show chat fest?  Instead of "Coffee Talk with Linda Richman." we could have "Pizza and French Fry Chat with DTC."

Honestly, I'm a little farklempt just thinking of the awesomeness.  Here is my list of topics we would discuss today if we were all together, (or that you could discuss amongst yourselves if I was having a moment).  You should also know that if I had a studio audience, I would totally be giving away free stuff.  How are you going to have a talk show and not give people fun prizes and snacks to go home with?  I mean unless you are hoping to win least favorite talk show.

1.  Air Shows
How many collisions/crashes/injuries/deaths are we going to have before we put the kibosh on them?  Further, why is the military allowed to have them?  Don't those planes come from our tax dollars?  Stop playing with them, they're not toys.

2.  Nicholas Cage as undead
There is someone selling a picture of a Tennessee man for $1,000,000 on eBay claiming that is looks exactly like Nicolas Cage.  The catch?  It's a picture from the 1870s.  The seller is claiming this is proof of the undead/vampire situation.  He feels that Nic probably reincarnates every 75 years or so.  Personally, I only see a resemblance when you put the two pictures together.  I would have never thought that guy was Nicholas Cage otherwise.  Besides, if he was a zombie or a vampire, I am sure he would have mentioned it.
I don't think Cage is a vampire, but he does
look a little pale on the right...
3.  Holy Roman Empire
Was it really holy or an empire?

4.  Charlie Sheen on the Emmy's
Really?   What high-level executive risked his entire career allowing Charlie Sheen free rein in front of a microphone?  I can only assume this all worked out swimmingly (Chuck was charming and gracious) because aforementioned executive promised to torture and kill Charlie if he so much as breathed wrong.
Apparently, Charlie and Ashton made nice at the
awards.  Charlie didn't say one word about Ashton
looking like he is set to play a young Grisly Adams.
5.  Can you blame the lesbian community?
Will right-wing conservatives say that being a lesbian is the gateway offense to a life of crime?  19-year-old lesbian lovers, nicknamed "Thelma and Louise" had their burglary streak halted when they were greeted in one house by a lion.  Escaping uneaten, they reported the lion to the police.  Honestly, how, knowing police are looking for you, are you going to go to the police and complain you couldn't steal stuff because the owners left a lion guarding their house?

6.  Tony Awards Opening Act or Protest?
I don't know whose turn it is to tell them, but someone should probably let whoever is in charge at Gay Activists Events and Parties know that flash mob style dancing is not really the most effective way to let Michele Bachmann know you don't support her appearance at the California Republican Party convention.  It seems more welcoming than protest-y.  Past "statements" by gay activists have included trying to throw glitter at Bachmann.  That's not helping either.

I think this will give you/us plenty to talk about.  Feel free to suggest these topics to your kids if they have any type of essay they need to write for school.

I will leave you with this little bit of DTC trivia - I have always wanted to be on the David Letterman show.  For like ever!  Here's the thing, so far I have not caught Dave's attention (we are secretly on a first name basis) and it's not like he's getting any younger.  In the event it doesn't work out for me, my Plan B is to replace him as host.  I am telling you all this so you can hone up your "fun sidekick" skills or get your band together (Paul totally has to go, he has over-weeded himself).

Thank you and good night.


  1. Pure awesomeness! I would consider getting cable again for that... And listening to my kids recite commercials. (biggest benefit of getting rid of cable is not having to hear the nerd or nothing commercial repeated to me each time I walk into a room!)

  2. You would totally have the best talk show evah!

  3. If there are vampires, I'm really hoping at least some of them look more like Alexander Skarsgard than Nicolas Cage.

  4. Thank you MoaL & Beckah - you are lining yourselves up perfectly to be at the top of the guest list.

    Tea - totally. :)

  5. Gotta say I can't hate on any flash mob dancing...that's great! Now if they glitter bombed her THEN danced, perhaps that would be more protest-y-er?

    Thanks DTC for the news updates, I never have a chance to catch up with news so this is awesome!

  6. Helllllooooo you have a whole team of side kicks just waiting in the wings .... Get yourself a show, girl! (notice proper use of punctuation ... I didn't say get a "showgirl" ... That movie was really bad. Xoxo bc

  7. Just stumbled upon your blog today. Very funny! And I hate to get off on the wrong foot, but this one thing is just driving my OCD's "verklepmt". Ack! I'm sorry! I'm going to go hide in the basement for awhile now....

  8. I mean "verkelmpt", oh my word.... Now I'm really embarrassed....

  9. LOL! No worries. I actually looked it up before I used it and found both spellings(plus ferklempt), so I went with the "farklempt" because that is the one I most recently saw used on cute poster of Yiddish words. So, we both get to be right (though one would assume the "V" version was the original).

    Anyhoo - I read over my stuff a million times and STILL sometimes miss typos and use the wrong words, so if anyone sees something that needs to get fixed - let me know. :)


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