|Those nails are |
Honestly, I'm a little farklempt just thinking of the awesomeness. Here is my list of topics we would discuss today if we were all together, (or that you could discuss amongst yourselves if I was having a moment). You should also know that if I had a studio audience, I would totally be giving away free stuff. How are you going to have a talk show and not give people fun prizes and snacks to go home with? I mean unless you are hoping to win least favorite talk show.
1. Air Shows
How many collisions/crashes/injuries/deaths are we going to have before we put the kibosh on them? Further, why is the military allowed to have them? Don't those planes come from our tax dollars? Stop playing with them, they're not toys.
2. Nicholas Cage as undead
There is someone selling a picture of a Tennessee man for $1,000,000 on eBay claiming that is looks exactly like Nicolas Cage. The catch? It's a picture from the 1870s. The seller is claiming this is proof of the undead/vampire situation. He feels that Nic probably reincarnates every 75 years or so. Personally, I only see a resemblance when you put the two pictures together. I would have never thought that guy was Nicholas Cage otherwise. Besides, if he was a zombie or a vampire, I am sure he would have mentioned it.
|I don't think Cage is a vampire, but he does|
look a little pale on the right...
Was it really holy or an empire?
4. Charlie Sheen on the Emmy's
Really? What high-level executive risked his entire career allowing Charlie Sheen free rein in front of a microphone? I can only assume this all worked out swimmingly (Chuck was charming and gracious) because aforementioned executive promised to torture and kill Charlie if he so much as breathed wrong.
|Apparently, Charlie and Ashton made nice at the|
awards. Charlie didn't say one word about Ashton
looking like he is set to play a young Grisly Adams.
Will right-wing conservatives say that being a lesbian is the gateway offense to a life of crime? 19-year-old lesbian lovers, nicknamed "Thelma and Louise" had their burglary streak halted when they were greeted in one house by a lion. Escaping uneaten, they reported the lion to the police. Honestly, how, knowing police are looking for you, are you going to go to the police and complain you couldn't steal stuff because the owners left a lion guarding their house?
6. Tony Awards Opening Act or Protest?
I don't know whose turn it is to tell them, but someone should probably let whoever is in charge at Gay Activists Events and Parties know that flash mob style dancing is not really the most effective way to let Michele Bachmann know you don't support her appearance at the California Republican Party convention. It seems more welcoming than protest-y. Past "statements" by gay activists have included trying to throw glitter at Bachmann. That's not helping either.
I think this will give you/us plenty to talk about. Feel free to suggest these topics to your kids if they have any type of essay they need to write for school.
I will leave you with this little bit of DTC trivia - I have always wanted to be on the David Letterman show. For like ever! Here's the thing, so far I have not caught Dave's attention (we are secretly on a first name basis) and it's not like he's getting any younger. In the event it doesn't work out for me, my Plan B is to replace him as host. I am telling you all this so you can hone up your "fun sidekick" skills or get your band together (Paul totally has to go, he has over-weeded himself).
Thank you and good night.