Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Walk This Way

Now that I am done doing holiday-time shopping at the mall and have spent the day in New York during winter break, I am more sure than ever that people in generally have no eff-ing idea how to walk or act in public.  I kind of knew before, but now there is no doubt.  People (of course, not us) are rude and clueless.

Everyone cannot possibly be new.  Why don't people know the rules?  Or have manners?  I am going to get the following rules made into a big sticker and just slap it onto people as needed.  I know that might sometimes cause a problem or a fist fight, but if I have to kick someone's ass, that's just how it's going to have to be.  I know!!  I will blow my whistle really loudly at the person, stun gun them (when I work around Party and get one) and then put the sticker on them.

I thought the sticker came out good.  I would maybe add some smiley faces or peace signs so it didn't seem hostile.  Maybe I could even get scented stickers.  That would be nice I think.  I am sure a cinnamon-scented sticker would totally negate any ill feelings a zap with a stun gun might elicit.  

Now, besides having to deal with people who can't walk correctly, I now have a driving issue.  My 16 1/2 year old son, you know, Boy, got his driver's license today.  He was very excited and I was very happy for him.  Except that I don't really like it.  He (and his sister for that matter) is painfully close to getting a "Walking" sticker slapped on his chest and now he's driving.  A car.  On the road with other people.  He is actually doing well with his driving, but it's just ridiculous that someone barely out of toddlerhood is operating a motor vehicle.

I am trying to focus on the fact that since we have a car he will be able to drive it will save me having to drive him back and forth from everything.  I can also get him to take SB back and forth when I need him to.  Forgotten items at the market - Boy.  Weekend trips to Dunkin Donuts - Boy.  Need a designated driver - Boy.  If I can just remember these things maybe it will keep my mind off the fact that his life is in peril every minute he's driving the car.  I also have some Xanax, so there's that too.

Just an aside, for those of you who don't have Xanax (and I guess for those of you who do), if you like to have a cocktail to take your mind off imminent disaster, the Lemon Drop Martini at Bonefish Grill is dee-lish-ous!  Did I say it was delicious?  Best one I ever had.  It's perfect.

So, back to what we were talking about.  And that was....?  Oh yeah, annoying walkers and peril.  Anyway, I can't quite reconcile my teenager who is responsible and mature enough to drive a car with the teenager who refuses to wear a coat.  What is so difficult here?  If it's cold, wear a coat.  Also, as some of you know I mentioned on Facebook, if you don't wear a coat, do not even dream of telling me you are cold.  I don't care.  You should just thank me for not saying "I told you so."

I really think there is some sort of design flaw in the survival instinct in teenagers.  I picked up Boy the other night and he and the 4 other kids with him (in 23 degree weather) are all only wearing hoodies or light fleece jackets.  They are bee lining it for the car and yammering about being freezing.  Lest I should think it was just my group of misfits who didn't have the sense to wear coats, I looked around the parking lot and every single kid leaving the building was under-dressed and running for their respective cars.  Besides a design flaw, how can you explain this?  You know every one of the parents suggested a coat to their kid.  And, I can assure you every one of those kids owned a coat.  I just don't know how the human race survived all this time, especially since the list of non-life-lengthening things that teenagers do is long.

In summary, to start 2012 off on the right foot, people and teenagers should:
1. learn how to walk in public
2. not be rude
3. not be stupid
4. not be annoying.
5. buy me presents (you had to read between the lines for that one).

*editor's (me) note - my mother posted and erased 3 comments before she got to a version of her liking.  I erased the 3 notices below that said "removed by author" thinking we didn't really need them.  I then realized that for humor purposes of my mother's and TMM's comments, we did.  So, pretend the "removed by author" - all 3 of them are still there and laugh away.  The End.


  1. Well, congratulations, I guess, on Boy's accomplishment. Since I've never seen him drive, I can still pretend he doesn't. Then I don't have to worry.

    Of course, he showed that he has his priorities straight by driving to Dunkin' Donuts on his way to being late for school after his driving test.

    I guess I'll have to remind him that there's a DD within driving distance of "the home." *sigh*

    Love, Mom

    (Took me 4 times before I got it right. Such is the way of the elderly.)

  2. *Hardly ever* removes the comments.... Heh. I think that's my favorite part of the whole post. ;)

  3. Oh, my bad. Looks like she removed them herself. And here I was blaming you. My apologies.

  4. My hubby had a huge fight w/his Dad at about 12 years old that resulted in him not wearing coats. So now my 9 yo boy is doing the same. Example yesterday morning. I say get on your coats. She does, he doesn't. I hand him his coat, he says he's fine. (has on a sweatshirt) I said whatever. We get to the car, I'm scraping windows, and when I get in, he says through chattering teeth "Mom, I need to go get my coat" - bwa ha ha! So I wait while he does so. Hmm. Moms do know a thing or two!! :)

  5. Love, love, love the sticker!!! Now you need to make one for people who can't drive properly as well (Boy excluded. Maybe)
    And glad to know my boy isn't the only stupid one who won't put a coat on when it's 23 degrees outside!!

  6. As a reminder - me - teacher of 12-14 year old public school children...(I hope to think that private school children are slightly more refined.....but I doubt it!) Very few of them wear coats. I just don't get it.....Them with their Hollister, (hate that store BTW), hoodies, fleece pullovers and all around AUTUMN outerwear...makes me think that teaching math is not the only thing I need to worry about with these kids!

  7. Hilarioua, I love cartoon. And the part about the Xanax!

  8. Too funny. And also very depressing. I am about to have "please face the direction in which you are walking" tattooed on...something...because if I have to say it one more time to a [boy] child around here I may lose. my. mind.

    And now you are pointing out that it is an epidemic. (I should have known, I live in the NY metro area, but I suppose I'm in deep denial.)

    If you please, I'd figure out a way to make the sticker font a wee bit larger. We're getting old, you know, and although I know it's not meant for us, it is difficult to reference the correct number when it's all blurry.

  9. LOL - note to self - larger font for stickers.

    As for my children, I used to have to tell the boy stop playing your DS while you're walking, YOU'RE IN A PARKING LOT! Now, I have to tell them both stop texting while you're walking - YOU'RE IN A PARKING LOT! I am telling you, it's a wonder the species has survived.

  10. What's a coat? Is that the brand new red and white thing that's been hanging in the hall closet for the past year, except on days when it snows? Oh that must be it.. that must also be why we have already had strep and now a stomach bug this year and it's only the 11th day.

    Nope, won't say I told you so...


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