Friday, January 20, 2012

If I Ruled The World...Imagine That

So my friend LG, of "Glitter and Dirt: The LG Story" fame and with whom I was in New Orleans, and I were discussing what we would do if we were beyond rich.  And, let's just skip over that whole be grateful for what you have nonsense.  Yes, I am very lucky and yes, I am grateful, but it is still cool to imagine what you would have if you had all the money in the world.

Here are some of the things LG and I discussed and then some more things I thought of and even one from The Party (though he didn't know he was playing):

I would choose
someone less shouty.
1.  I would have meals delivered to my house that were properly portioned and delicious.  Nothing yucky or too vegetable-centric.  

2.  Better yet, I would have a personal chef shop and pop in each day to prepare meals and then clean up and leave.

3.  I would have someone that would have to go up or down the steps for me when I needed something but didn't want to get off the couch.

4.  I would have a personal shopper who would bring outfits home for me to try on and would return anything I didn't like.  Everything would fit perfectly.

5.  The Party wishes we had an indoor tennis court attached to our house, next to the outdoor living space (which we don't have), so he wouldn't have to go out in the cold to get to tennis.

6.  I want an outdoor living space.  But, every time I say "outdoor living space"  The Party gets all twitchy and his face scrunches up asks why I don't think the new pavers that make up our back patio count as an outdoor living space.  If he doesn't see why, I can't help him.

You see the difference
between back patio and
outdoor living space, right?
7.  I would get The Party to understand the difference between a back patio and an outdoor living space.

8.  I would have someone (besides Party) do all the laundry and put it away.  This person would know how to do laundry so I wouldn't have to do my own so it was done how I wanted it.

9.  Someone would come blow dry my hair every day and it would stay nice all day.

10.  That same person would also cut and color it as needed at my house.

11.  I would have someone bake for school or company so it looked like I made homemade stuff instead of bought.

12.  I could afford whatever vacation I wanted and someone would come pack for all of us and not forget anything.  They would also carry our luggage, unpack it at the hotel, and then come repack it to go home.

13.  I would always fly first class, but there would never be room for my children in first class.

I would have a
much better
outfit than this.
14.  There would be a squad of people just waiting to swoop down and beat the crap out of stupid, annoying, awful people like this guy who is suing the the people he killed while he was driving drunk (you will not believe this article).  Being the do-gooder I am, I would employ this squad to travel around the world opening cans of whoop-ass on all jerks, and when needed, politicians and professional athletes.

Okay, I don't want to ask for too much, so I'll stop there for now.  Also, as I look over my list, it seems that really, I don't need to be uber-rich, I just need to be like Emperor of the World or something like that.  Oh yeah, I forgot one of the best ones!  I wrote it on Facebook the other day.  I wish I could nap and snack at the same time.  I know that sounds hard, but if I was in charge of the planet it would be someone's job to work that out for me.


  1. It sounds like you need a staff. One person could carry the whistle for you and when you point at them, they blow it to unleash the squad in #14. I read that article twice trying to comprehend the craziness that it was. Instead of a whistle that guy definitely needed an air horn. When you get this staff of folks, don't forget us little people!! :)

  2. So, basically you want to be Oprah!! :-)

    1. Now you need your own tv station too!!

    2. God! She is such a show off! How am I gonna get a TV station!?!?

  3. I want to be hired to be te smacked of stupid people. I will start today, with a TASER to this DUI idiot's nether regions. My word what a moron!!!!!!!!!

  4. "the smacker" stupid autocorrect

    1. since you asked first, you can lead the task force of idiot smackers.

    2. Yaaaaaay! I want to be called Supreme Dictator of Idiot Smackers. Hmmmm....maybe I can put SDIS on the other side of my STFU bracelet that I forgot to ask you for.

    3. email me your address and I'll send you a bracelet - still have some left.

  5. 1. It seems to me that your back looks more like an outdoor living space than a patio. It certainly looks like pic. 2. You just need the built-in barbecue.

    2. Why is someone reading this/writing to you at 3 a.m.???

    3. You color your hair?

    Love, Mom

    1. you know that my back yard looks nothing like that picture - you are just being difficult.

  6. Well, if youy want to be Oprah, at least go for her skinny version. Better yet, hire someone to come and exercise for you. Then, send them to my house. Please, and thank you.

  7. I love this and I agree with every one of those. I need a staff too. I'd add one more though - I'd have a personal assistant. Someone who could keep track of all the appointment and schedule doctor and dentist appointments so I didn't have to. And also to remember all the birthdays (and send cards out for me) which I seem to constantly forget these days.

  8. I always say that I want a chef, a housekeeper, a chauffeur, and a masseuse.


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