Friday, January 21, 2011

Urgent Update: Stinkbug Pandemic Causes Rise in Blood Pressure

Ucccchhhhhhh!!!  There was a tremendous stinkbug incident here today and I have to share so you will know what to tell the paramedics if I am unable to communicate due to my passing out or having a stroke.

I get in the shower, get completely wet with warm, toasty water and then look up. Stinkbug.  Right in the middle of the shower head.  Sooo grosssssss I can't even say.  I want to flick it off - but to where?  Bad enough it could touch my hand, but I am naked.  What if something goes wrong?  My blood pressure is going back up just telling you about it.  I could turn off shower, get out, get tissue, remove bug to toilet, flush and then resume shower.  But, now I am wet and cozy/toasty.  I will be cold if I get out.  But the bug can't stay or I will throw up.

I take my razor and use the handle to poke it to the ground.  Then, I take the shower head off and direct gross hateful bug to the drain.  I spray it hard and make sure its little legs aren't dangling on the grate.  Down the drain it goes.  I feel certain it's dead since it left its yucky stinkbug smell.  But no!!!  Just as I relax, I look down and that sucker is back!!!  Crawling towards my foot.  Ucchhhh!  Really, I am going to throw up.

Repeat shower head/bug down drain drill (because, honestly, I am not getting out and getting cold).  Now I continue with my shower, but every time I relax I get a quick burst of blood pressure-increasing adrenaline as I remember to look and make sure it's gone. 

Finally, I have moved on and start to shave under my arms (sorry for TMI, but we need it for the story) when suddenly I realize I am going to have a stroke because there is a bug crawling down my leg!!!!

So, as it turns out, just a blob of shaving cream running down my leg.  But still, very upsetting and alarming.

In closing, you can see that the ever-growing presence of these bugs (one might say pandemic) is a public health threat.  And, yes, I know, the word pandemic is really only used by people when they think they are smarter than every one and they want to show that they mean a really wide-spread epidemic.  But, it is fitting in this case.  This is VERY SERIOUS.  I mean, you cannot kill these bugs.  If you smush them they leave a smell that makes you gag and probably causes brain damage.  If you spray them with bug spray they just laugh and give you the finger.


  1. I'm feeling the need to share this with the world. The public must know about the very real threat of stinkbugs.

  2. thank you for appreciating the real threat we all face.


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