Thursday, December 1, 2011

You Will D-I-E Die!

Courtney should tell Lindsay to
lose the Spy vs Spy outfit.
No really, you will fall over dead.  Okay, God Forbid, poo poo poo.  But still, this has got to be one of the best news stories EV-ER!!  Ever!!

Courtney Love is going to be Lindsay Lohan's "Sober Coach"

I had to give it it's own paragraph so you could really absorb the words.  I believe that there is what we like to call irony or perhaps the blind leading the blind (or high leading the high).  I mean what are we even supposed to do with this information? I personally am waiting for Oprah or Dr. Phil to swoop in and bitch slap the both of them and then lobby to get a court order that demands they not speak to one another.

Besides the whole "I'm my own personal train wreck" thing Courtney has going on, how can she help Lindsay with anything important when she hasn't even been kind enough to tell her that the blond hair does NOT work.  At all.  AT ALL.  The constant punched-in-the-mouth-look lip filler she's using isn't helping either.  I imagine Courtney isn't telling Lindsay that stuff because, well, look at her.  She probably is flattered that Lindsay is copying her.  *Sigh*

If I had to guess, I bet the next article will be how one of Lindsay's parents (we can take a poll on which) will make an impassioned plea to the public to either help them get Courtney away from Lindsay or begging for our support in seeing the beauty of the match.  Either way, a Lohan parent will try to get some personal publicity out of it.  As an afterthought, they will be sure to mention younger sis Ali and her blossoming career.

And, just to show you that non-famous people are every bit as ridiculous as the famous ones, Jessie Dimmick, a kidnapper from Colorado, is suing the people he kidnapped for breach of contract.  Yes, you did just read that correctly.  The couple Jessie kidnapped, in a bid to escape, promised they would hide Jessie from police.    Obviously, they did not.  As a result of the police chase, Jessie was accidentally shot by police.  He says he nearly died from his injuries and now has a lot of hospital bills he can't pay.  (I'll wait a second while you go get a tissue).  Jessie wants $235k in damages.  Apparently, Jessie thinks it's his victims' fault that he is a gullible dumbass as well as a pretty lame kidnapper.  Not surprisingly, Jessie is representing himself in the suit.  What I want to know is how are people even allowed to file suits like this and waste everyone's time and money?!?!?  I think you know that this is a whistle, smack and stun gun.  Oh - and for those of you who missed the Facebook conversation, I want a stun gun, but currently The Party says no.  I'll let you know how it shakes out, in the meantime I will be keeping my list of who is due a zap.

Don't they look like they are
dressed for three different bands?
And WTF with the hair on the left?
In other fascinating news Hanson, still refusing to fade away into one-hit-wonder obscurity, has announced they will be launching their own IPA...wait for it...MMMhop.  I wonder if that will be the only beer they will now sell at their concerts.  I assume they still have concerts because the article says they are still wildly popular and still releasing albums.  Being hopelessly uncool, I didn't know.  Just want to say that even though these guys are now adults, they still look like kids, just with some facial hair.  That said, it seems creepy that you can get all sorts of tween Hanson merchandise and sit around and enjoy it with a Hanson beer.  Or is it just me that thinks that?

I thought you might also like to know that Kris Humphries is now saying he will be filing for an annulment from Kim Kardashian on the grounds of fraud.  If he's successful I guess it kind of derails Kim's bid for a divorce.  Not exactly sure where he's going with this.  My only guess is that if the marriage is annulled due to fraud on Kim's part, Kris could then sue her for emotional distress or fraud or other things of that nature.  He could then get a lot more money than he stands to get if they have a no-fault divorce.  More importantly though, why is this in the news?  Aside from having something to make fun of, does anyone actually care?

1 comment:

Popular Posts