Monday, November 28, 2011

Some People Really Ought To Be Supervised

Sometimes when I read things I honestly don't know how some people even have the intelligence to keep breathing throughout the day.  Some things just defy understanding.  Even when you find out the person's motive, you just can't understand how they came to their conclusion without at some point saying "Wait, maybe that's not such a good idea."

Now put two people like this together.  Before I even write another word I know you are already shaking your head because you know you aren't going to be able to believe what I will be telling you.  But friends, you know I don't lie.  *Sigh*  Just think though, anything ridiculously stupid or foolish your children have done in the last 48 hours will likely pale in comparison, so there's that.

I also think Oneal may
have given himself/herself
 a chin implant.
Stunner number one.  Oneal Ron Morris of Miami was charged with practicing medicine without a license.  That was the headline.  To say that is an understatement doesn't even cover it. Oneal, is a man, who identifies himself as a woman.  That's what the article says.  Based on the picture, Oneal makes a pretty skimpy man, so good he prefers to go about his business as a woman.  It would also seem Oneal has been doing his/her own "enhancements."  In order to get a bigger behind, Oneal injected himself with a mixture of cement (yes, cement), mineral oil, and flat-tire sealant.  We will not even get into what would possess someone to think this is the magic potion to a big back yard.  Also, there is no mention where Oneal got the breasts.

Moving on...Oneal, having not killed himself/herself with that formula decided to make money injecting others.  This is the part of the story where you get to decide which person is actually more stupid/crazy/high.  Enter unnamed victim.  UV is looking for an inexpensive way to get a shapelier bottom.  Hello!!  Ever hear of pizza and cake?  Anyhoo, the UV allowed Oneal to keep injecting her despite severe pain.  After the injections, UV waited and waited to seek help for abdominal pain and open sores because she was too embarrassed to admit what she had done.  No surprise, UV had to have surgery and is still recovering and can't work.  At least Oneal and UV didn't procreate together.  Not so with our next pair.

Stunner Number Two.  New York Post Headline "Ex: Gal is a Rubber Robber."  First off, whistle and smack for the author with that title.  In this story, crazy girlfriend Anetria Burnett had twins 4 years ago with her ex-boyfirend, Joseph Pressil.  Joseph thought this was an accidental pregnancy.  Turns out, not so much.  Back in 2007 Joe lived in Texas with his girlfriend of 6 months, Anetria.  Ever the planner, Anetria saved the condoms after she would have sex with Joe and took the sperm to a fertility center to have it frozen as insurance in the future should they break up.  Before we finish with that thought, let's ask ourselves how on more than one occasion Anetria was able to do this without Joe knowing.  I guess that will teach all you men something about just rolling over and going to sleep, now won't it?

Holiday gift for Joe?  All it
needs is a picture of a
condom at the bottom.
One might also wonder what kind of place just lets you walk right on in with sperm and have it frozen.  The fertility clinic reportedly said they assumed the two were married.  Being equally smart as the people at the clinic, Anetria used her real name as well as Joe's.  Fast forward 4 years.  Joe, who now lives in NewYork, gets a receipt in the mail for sperm cryopreservation.  Long story short (I know, it's already too late) he does some research and finds out what Anetria had done.  Turns out Anetria had figured if she got pregnant and filed a lawsuit claiming he was her common-law husband Joe would have to give her half of everything he owned and let her stay in his house she had moved into when they were together.

Anetria claims she thought Joe knew what she had been doing, claiming "Oh you're not stupid." (debatable).  For all of her trouble, Anetria now will lose some of her child support money because Joe was awarded joint custody.  There is nothing in the article about Joe suing the fertility clinic or Anetria or why Joe hadn't been looking to have joint custody of his children all along.  Do these sound like two people who should be in charge of little children?  Also, did I mention Anetria is an exotic dancer?  In the plus column for Anetria, there was no accusations that she had cement and tire sealant injected into her ass.

You're speechless, right?  OMG!  I just thought of something.  We should rank the four of the people in these stories.  Who is the dumbest?  Craziest?  Most mentally unstable?  Also, didn't I tell you that there was no way anything your kids had done recently would be as traffic-stoppingly stupid as this stuff.  Yes I did.

That cat is a little scary.
He kind of looks like he would
kick someone's ass.
On a completely unrelated note, I just found this story about a woman who is going to be on an upcoming episode of  "My Extreme Animal Phobia."  Who even knew there was such a show?  It seems they make her watch this cat who's behind plexiglass and it upsets her and makes her cry.  How is that something people want to watch?  She says she thinks cats are evil and out to get her.  Shouldn't she really be on a show called "Tales From the Cushioned Room?"

Special thanks today to my friend Amy who gave me the article about Anetria and Joe.  She knew I would be too incensed to let it go undiscussed.  


  1. Thanks, nothing my kids have done EVER has been as stupid as these yahoos. I can't even rank them as it is all mind boggling. I don't even know what kind of turkey baster you'd use to inject CEMENT into anything. SCARY!
    I've seen ads for "my extreme animal phobia" and it is just too odd for words. I didn't see an ad for the cat one, saw an ad for one with spiders that freaked a lady out and it looked like they were going to have her in a room with spider posters to start desensitizing her. whatev.
    As for the 4 above, these folks don't deserve a whistle - maybe more like an airhorn. :)

  2. Dumb people are such great entertainment...thanks for the marvelous post

  3. Why couldn't she just poke some pinholes in the condoms like a normal crazy girlfriend? ;)

  4. I really rely on you for keeping me up-to-date on amazing news, but this is definitely the winner. I think I have whiplash from shaking my head in extreme disbelief. All I can say is thank you for such an entertaining post and keep up the good work!

  5. OMG. This post is so freaking funny that I don't even know where to begin. Cement? Really? Wow.

    You're right though...I'm not nearly as mad at my teenagers now as I was 10 minutes ago!

  6. I have seen the cement story before and I am still shaking my head.

    BUT: What Jess said. Real life stupid people are the best entertainment.. lol

  7. It's a shame you didn't put in the full picture of Oneal's buttocks. When I saw this picture I fell out of my chair....I'm still a little dizzy. I have seen smaller islands! Her butt is.... two full hefty bags taped next to each other. And guys LIKE THIS?????

  8. Gosh - if we could figure out why guys like what they like...

    predictably, men make no sense. No matter how ridiculous some women look, there's always some guy who thinks it's awesome.

  9. That cat is wearing the same expression I wore the first time I read the cement/fix-a-flat booty implant story. And that CHIN!! Add some horns on the forehead and have an instant Halloween costume! Baby doesn't "got back" got WTF?!?!?!

    Rubber Robber...apparently Joe never heard of condoms with spermacide? Or an immediate trip to the bathroom. I totally agree with TMM on this one.


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