Thursday, October 13, 2011

Gonna Need A Bucket. And A Bieber Smackdown.

I don't care how mean I am.
The two of them are giving
 me a cavity.
I am totally going to hurl over this Justin Bieber article.  In it, Justin discusses love, marriage and kids (really, and he knows about this stuff because of his vast experience)?  You will all be relieved to know that although Justin is only 17 and shared a room with 19-year-old Selena Gomez while in South America, he does love her.  He wouldn't be with someone he wasn't in love with.  I know.  Phew!  That totally makes it okay.

So that was the "better get a bucket" part.  The smackdown part is where Justin says he doesn't know for sure when he'll get married, but he doesn't want it to be when he's old (please note "old" is the key word here).  He wants to get married sooner rather than later because he wants to be a young dad.  And by that he means that as long as he has his first kid by 25 he feels he'll still have enough time to work on his career.  Translating for you, Justin is saying that over 25 is old.  I think we know who is getting a whistle AND a smack.

This is what happens when
babies have stressful
gestational relationships.  They
get a bad case of ugly.
I am not sure who needs the smackdown on this next one.  Traci Nobles, Anthony Weiner's sext partner, or whoever made the decision to have her write a book about it.  A book.  A whole book.  Not a magazine article, which is plenty, but a book.  What is there to possibly say that would require a whole book?  And why are we giving attention to and rewarding someone who was carrying on an online relationship with a married person?  Is there something about this that makes her special or interesting?  I am completely baffled by this.

Also, does anyone know if Weiner and his wife ultimately split over this?  I haven't heard too much about it.  I know his wife was pregnant, so there has to be a baby floating around here somewhere.  If I was betting, I bet the baby already has a ghost writer helping it write a whole book about its gestational relationship with Weiner and how the stress of the scandal has been overwhelming.

Do you think the
"doctor" was
wearing a shirt with
this on it?
Here's another one where you're not going to be sure who most needs the whistle and the smack.  An 81-year-old man was arrested for giving fake breast exams.  More specifically, he tricked two, TWO women into believing he was a door-to-door physician giving free breast exams.  But wait, there's more.  Five years ago he was arrested for the same thing!  Two different women, in their 30s (not elderly or senile) believed his door-to-door doctor giving free breast exams story.  It was only when he began fondling lower regions that one woman said she began to "suspect" he wasn't a real doctor.  Ya think?  She called the sheriff's office but he had already left the apartment by the time help arrived.  No worries, they found the "doctor."  He was in another woman's apartment doing the same thing.

This all happened in Florida.  I do not want to pick on of Florida (again) but, hello?  Do you people down there not learn, in like kindergarten, not to open your door to strangers?  Or let them in?  Or take your clothes off for them?  Extremely disturbing.

Completely unrelated, and something that will not make you want to smack or whistle at anyone...Freschetta Brick Oven Pizza - yum!  It's a square, thin-crust pizza and it is dee-licious!  Both the plain and the pepperoni.  I usually find frozen pizza to be acceptable at best, but I could not have been happier with this.

And what better way to end any post than with thoughts of pizza?


  1. Freschetta is definitely the best when it comes to frozen pizzas. Also, the Red Baron french bread Garlic and Cheese pizza, which is *totally* NOT pizza, is delicious also.

  2. 1. I just wrote about that guy doing breast "exams" yesterday! Seriously! And I completely agree that the scariest part about this is not so much the old geezer trying to cop a feel, but the clueless women who actually LET him!!

    2. I just bought one of those Freschetta pizzas - again, yesterday! Great minds think alike.

  3. Too funny!! And, I hadn't even seen your post! (but off I go now to read). :)

    I could not agree more about #1! How does that even happen?!?!?

  4. I love how the old dude decides to give it a second go around 5 years later. Do you think it was just a - fuckit I am old... what are they gonna do?

  5. Most likely. He probably figured it was his only chance of seeing 30-year-old breasts (versus 80-year-old one).


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