Friday, August 5, 2011

We Got Us Some Not News

I am waiting to get the necessary pictures (from one of the other girl's cameras) before I tell you about my trip to Virginia Beach with my friends.  Plus, I have to sort through in my head what is actually okay to share and what might be better left unpublished on the internet.  Every now and then I give that whole "think before you talk" thing a try.

See what happens?
In the interim, there is a LOT of Not News to share with you.  First we will start with Shark Week.  Actually, it's not that Shark Week isn't news.  It's that as a result of it being Shark Week we were treated to the "news" story of the guy who got his face bitten/lips lacerated as a result of trying to kiss a nurse shark.  That is not news.  That is like saying "I jumped in front of a moving car and got hit."  This is what happens when people think they are special and that the universal warning to remember that wild animals are, at heart, wild, does not apply to them.  Brings to mind the guy who recently got eaten by one of the giant bears he was hanging around with and studying.  Honestly!  Who tries to kiss a shark?  I hope his mother smacked him.  (You know I'm giving him a whistle).

Another Not News story.  Casey Anthony was "caught" out shopping.  It was even captured on video.  And?  She claims it was an accident and she was acquitted, is she supposed to stay in her house?  I mean, I am no fan, but how is it even marginally interesting that she was out shopping?  If we really want to show her that we don't like her and think she is crap, how about we stop putting her in the news and stop looking to get the "inside" story from her.

There is not even a
suspicious blood stain.
Moving on.  Big story.  President took his staff out for burgers to thank them for their hard work on the debt stuff.  Not News.  Not even that interesting.  If one of the staff had bitten the president then we'd have something.  Or if the burgers were made of shark caught during Shark Week.  Oh wait!  I know!  It would have been an awesome story if the president had charged the lunch to Donald Trump.

This one...I don't even know how to tell you about it.  It's totally Not News.  But, I am curious why it's not the evidence used to have this woman put under supervision of some nature.  Lots of stuff going on in the world, but AOL has chosen to report on the woman who built a castle out of wet hair from her shower as well as other hair she has collected.  I am actually going to give you the last few paragraphs because I couldn't possibly paraphrase it in a way that captured the true beauty.

This defies description
or explanation.

One function of the structure is to represent and help explore traditional gender archetypes. Traditionally, many boys want to be knights in shining armor,  she points out.  And girls? "Who doesn't want to be a princess?"

But, in fact, the archetypes aren't for everyone, she says, and in some ways, are damaging.

The archetypes are like a house of cards, a hairy tower of hairy cards.

Um, what is there to even say to this?.  It's bizarro and Not News and someone actually got money for reporting on it.  We are all clearly in the wrong line of work.

I cannot bear to keep looking for fear of what I will find next.  I will just start working on my vacation post.  Hey!  Maybe I will start another blog titled "The Crappiest Souvenirs from Around the Country."  I could let everyone know how to avoid wasting their money on crap and pissing off their family members with useless, ugly junk.   I could become like the Martha Stewart of vacation purchases.  I'll give you the first tip right now!  If you give someone a boxed shower cap with your hotel's name on it, they will know you didn't buy it and think you suck.  However, if you want to be thrifty, take said cap, de-box it and bedazzle it with the city's name.  Guaranteed crowd pleaser.


  1. Hair house totally not news. I've lived in one for years.

  2. I think I missed the blog where you mentioned your line of work.
    Do shower caps come under the same heading as pencils as vacation souvenirs?

  3. Maybe the "news" just missed an important part of the Casey Anthony story, like, maybe she was at Babies R Us, registering for a baby shower. Just saying, that might be news then ;)

    Totally have been missing your posts!

  4. She made a "hair house" out of hair from her shower??? WTF? The only way that could be any ickier would be if she had made a sweater out of it!

  5. Hilarious, love the comment about biting the nice to have a good laugh

  6. thanks MIO! :)

    TMM - yes, a sweater would be grosser.

    MoaL - agreed, registering for a baby shower would sure have made that news!


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