Thursday, August 1, 2013

Things That Are Ill-Advised

I only wish they still had the $25,000 Pyramid on TV because this would be an excellent
This category could
be for the adult version.
category.  Below would be the clues.  Since the show's not on, you can just use the clues as a handy list of things you should really think through before you do.  You might even want to laminate the list and carry it with you.

1.  Most Hawaiian Shirts - unless you are in Hawaii, the trend has kind of passed.  There are only a few I have seen recently that worked.  They mostly look like ugly drapery that has been made into shirts.

2.  Most Print Pants - of all print pants in the entire world, only about 1% are actually cute.  Add to that that only about 1% of the population is going to be able to pull off said pants.  That's a pretty low chance for a good match up (I'm sure there is some formula for an actual percentage, but I don't have that kind of time).  Sadly, there are a lot of people who think they are in this elite group.  To avoid further cringe-worthy mishaps, I think they should just stop making print pants altogether.

3.  Singing any Kind of Top Hit Song or Song by an Iconic Singer - just don't.  I am talking about any song that is so awesome and/or well known that everyone knows/loves it.  Unless you can kick its ass or come up with a completely new way to do it (you can't), don't.  I don't care if you are on TV, doing bar karaoke or at your cousin's wedding.  Look at the Glee kids.  They are really good singers, but their Don't Stop Believing pales in comparison to the original.  Steve Perry owns that song.  Put on the list anything by Mariah, Whitney, Celine or Aretha.  Also, for you guys out there, some songs only work because of the singer. If you are not Kenny Rogers or Neil Diamond, then you can't sing The Gambler or Sweet Caroline.

Just so you know, when
your kid asks why, it's
not because he's smart
like Einstein.  He's annoying,
like all other kids.
4.  Answering any "Why" Questions Past the First One - if a child asks "why" in response to something you've told him or a request he's made, feel free to give a reason.  The first time.  All further "whys" will result in your blood pressure going up and the child in question's health and safety being jeopardized.  Kids think the "Why" game is a fun sport.  They can play all day and they won't even notice that your face is turning purple.  They're clueless/evil.

5.  Doing Anything Other Than Walking After You Eat - you are not 20 anymore.  I don't care if you are in great shape, you're old and your body cannot digest and do something else at the same time.  Even walking away from the table is a stretch.  Any attempts to run, exercise, ride amusements or dance are going to end poorly.  And you know what, throw sex in there too.  It would probably make you throw up.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

6.  Stocking up on Food Your Family Likes - you might as well burn your money.  If you buy something once and your family likes it, you'll often buy it again.  If it goes over big a second time you will think you are being smart to buy a larger size or extras.  Sucker.  Trying to save money or save yourself an extra trip to the market absolutely guarantees that no one in your family will ever eat or drink said item again.  Fact.

I will be thinking up other some other Pyramid categories because this is almost as fun a game as News/Not News.  I will be also be thinking of how we can turn it into a drinking game since I don't think anyone is going to pony up 25k for us to use as prize money.


  1. I love that you're so prolific lately. I'm ready to play. Can my celebrity guest be someone hot like Prince Charming from that TV show on Sunday nights with the story book characters trapped in modern times (whatever it is called, he's hot)?

    1. 1. I will have to go look up this hot guy.
      2. Yes, he can be your celebrity guest.

      I forgot all about celebrity guests, I'm going to have to decide who I want.

  2. The show is Once Upon A Time and his name is Josh Dallas. Definitely worth looking up. And celebrity guests are a must.

  3. Just got done with dinner. Need to add laughing out loud to the list of post-dining exercises. Thanks a lot. Too exhausted to Google hot celebrity guests now.


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