Sunday, March 3, 2013

People Should Really Check With Me First

I am troubled by a lot of things.  I don't know why, I just am.  Ridiculous products, bad ideas, lame TV shows, poor marketing ideas.  Why do people not get a second (or third or fourth) opinion before they just go ahead and do things?

Here are the things that have most recently been troubling me:

There is absolutely
no reason for this
woman to be smiling.
Housecoats:  They don't even make sense.  It's not a coat you wear in your house.  It's more like a robe, only it's not really a robe.  It's more of a light-weight, ugly, snap-up-the-front dress you wear instead of your clothes when you're in your house.  I see that they still make them.  Why?  If you don't want to mess up your nice clothes while you are cooking or cleaning in your house, don't you just wear your "hang around" clothes like sweats or t-shirts?  I think the idea was that a housecoat looks nicer than that so you wouldn't look a mess if company dropped by unexpectedly?  Ummm, fail.  They are hideous.

"Clever" Business Names:  They usually aren't.  I can make allowances for hair salons; they seem to thrive on cute names like "Shear Madness" or "Hair Port" or "The Mane Attraction."  Leaving out hair salons,  there are still lots of ill-conceived names.  There is a new massage and tanning salon in my neighborhood and the name is ridiculous.  "iMassage and Club iTan" is what their big, giant, no doubt expensive, sign reads.  Hello?  The "i" in something intimates that it's related to electronics, computers or the internet.  Is this a virtual massage?  Will I be laying in a simulated version of a tanning bed?  Just no. This is a terrible name and is not clever at all.

Really?  Don't eat donuts
is the best advice Dr. Drew
can offer us?
Fake Advice:  Telling us something that everyone already knows is not giving advice, it's being annoying.  For example, last week I saw a clip from the show The Doctors.  Mandisa (from American Idol) was on explaining how she lost over 100 pounds.  Dr Drew (who we know is a real doctor because he is wearing scrubs) lets the viewers know that the way to lose weight is to replace bad habits with good ones.  He goes on to say, out loud, that things like switching eating donuts with eating apples is a good switch.  Really?  If I eat an apple instead of a donut, that will help me get thinner and be healthier?  That's brilliant.

Bad Handshakes:  It's all I can do not to yell at people who give a wishy-washy limp-wristed handshake.  Male or female - learn to shake hands the right way!  Men - you have no idea how obnoxious you seem when you half-way touch my hand and give an anemic shake.  I am pretty sure you don't shake other men's hands that way.  Women, when you do it, you just seem silly and no one will take you seriously.  This is not a hard thing; do it the right way.  And while we're here, make sure you are teaching both your sons and daughters how to properly shake hands.

I'm hoping maybe he's
just growing those bad
boys for his next role.
That is it for now.  I mean lots of other things annoy me, but these are currently the top four.  And, if I rant too much I will start to seem a little Andy Rooney-ish.  Oh wait - there's another one!  I am troubled by people who do not take inventory of their facial hair.  Did you guys ever see Andy Rooney's eyebrows?  And oh my God, I think Daniel Day Lewis is great and very nice looking, but what's up with the brows?  He almost looks like he has hairy eyelids.  And, I think we can all agree that unchecked nose hair is very upsetting.

Okay, now I 'm done for real. 


  1. LMAO (very quietly 'cause the kids are asleep!)

    I hear ya about the handshake thing, oh! and the unchecked facial hair!

  2. Not handing out whistles anymore?? :)

    1. I don't know how I didn't!!! Maybe I was having some sort of episode while I was writing. Goes without saying though - these things needed to be whistled at. Especially the brows. :)

  3. I told my husband if he even saw me lingering over a housecoat ad in the coupons, to check me in the insane asylum because I'd obviously HAD to have lost my dang mind! Seriously, there's "I'm doing work around the house", and then there's "I'm going out of my way to be as un-sexy as possible".

    Oh, by the way, tell The Party I'm still wearing my STFU bracelet.

    1. Agreed on the un-sexy as possible. And I absolutely will tell The Party.


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