Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Okay, That's Enough

So try not to make a
nuisance of yourself.
People (not us) are out of control.  Some of them live at my house, but there are plenty who are out and about in the world who also need to knock it off.  Similar to the tips I compiled last year in List of Suggestions for Family Harmony, I think this list will help make life nicer.  The bonus is this list helps lots of people, not just my family.

It is my belief that if we can get people on board with this stuff there will be a lot less "accidental" tripping, shoving, smacking and stun-gunning.  Probably a lot less whistle usage as well.  If you cut and paste this list onto nice paper and use a fancy font, you can probably give it as a holiday gift to loved ones.

Ways To Make The World A Better Place

1.  Stop blending words.  When Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were dubbed Bennifer, it was novel and cute.  Every celeb couple does not need a blended name.  It's played out, move on.  Ditto the blended word in general.  I saw the word "craftivity" twice yesterday on Pinterest.  Just no.  And, as winter approaches, let's skip all "snow" blends (I am looking at you snowpocalypse).  

2.  What are you doing with all the toilet paper?  I keep buying it, but we're always out.  Are you sneaking out and TP-ing people's houses?  WTF?  Use a normal amount, like normal people or I am going to start charging a toilet paper surcharge.  And, as always, let me know we need toilet paper before there is zero left.  Same with the milk.  Are you bathing in it or something?

3.  It's the holiday season.  Malls, stores and parking lots are crowded.  Pay attention to where you are going!!  Be pleasant and polite.  Say excuse me when you are in someone's way.  Say thank you when someone holds the door for you.  Walk like you have somewhere to go!  Some of you are like the Sunday drivers of mall walking.  Keep right, don't take up the entire walkway and move!  Also, if you could not walk in the middle of the parking lot, holding up traffic, that would be swell.

4.  Teen/tween-specific:  We, your parents, are not stupid, despite what you think.  Please note we've been able to keep your no-sense-having selves alive all this time, haven't we?  Yes, we have.  So settle down and knock it off.

5.  Let's all agree that Prince William and Princess Kate seem to be lovely people.  That said, there is no need for every move they make to be chronicled in the American media.  They are nothing to us.  They are not even all that interesting.

6.  Parking lots are not freestyle activities.  If there's not lines, it's not a spot.

Drama Queens?
Ain't nobody got time for that.
7.  Stop writing vague or mysteriously ominous posts on Facebook and/or Twitter.  It's annoying.  Just tell us  whatever it is you want to tell us.  For everyone else, let's agree not to ask "What's wrong?" when people do this.

8.  People who work in any type of store, including the supermarket and restaurants: if you are not a people person and don't like working with the public, you have the wrong job.  Please don't take that out on me.  I understand the public can be a**holes, but that is not my personal fault.

Picture this with people instead of
cats and that's the conversation in
line behind you.  Keep that in mind.
9.  People who are shopping at any type of store, including the supermarket, you need to have an endgame.  Before it's your turn in line.  This means that while you are waiting for your turn to pay you should make sure you have everything you need and any coupons - ready to go.  You should also have already thought about how you are going to pay.  You don't have to rush, but people want to kill you when it takes 10 minutes for you to fish through all your stuff to find your wallet or checkbook or coupon.  It was a long line, we're all still waiting and you had plenty of time to get ready.

I think the list looks pretty good for now.  I'm sure we can come up with more stuff to put on it, but if everyone (all people who are not us, who already know this stuff) agrees to follow these rules, the world will need a lot less Xanax.


  1. YES! I give this list a standing ovation.
    10. The cashier? They are there, doing their job. They get paid pennies compared to the amount of crap they put up with, and just a simple hello, thank you, and NOT TALKING ON YOUR PHONE FOR THE DURATION OF THE TRANSACTION would be nice. They are a person too!
    No, DTC, I am not a cashier, but I see them every day, and it's amazing how being nice to them, commenting on anything, helps break up their day and bring genuine smiles to them. Plus? They listen, so I don't get 753 plastic bags for 20 items. :) BONUS!

  2. Totally agree!!! On the being nice to cashier part AND on the 753 bags for 20 items.

  3. I make it a point to call any cashier I know or who has a name badge by name - it always surprises them, and brings a smile. Even the notoriously snarky cashier at my local grocery is nice to me, because I remember her name and that she's a single mom, making a point to ask about her kids.

    Oh, to people who are rummaging through tons of shit to find the perfect gift - you DO realize you are leaving a huge mess for other shoppers on just as serious a quest at you, not to mention the poor salespeople who must follow in your wake, in a futile attempt to repair the damage you've wrought? Have a care and leave it as you found it!

  4. 11. If the checkout line at the grocery is long, or even if it's not, but ESPECIALLY when it's long, and the baggers are busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest and no one is bagging your groceries get off your entitled ass and help bag your own damn groceries! As an added bonus, you can bag them the way you want and won't have to carry three half gallons of milk and three half gallons of juice in one bag just because they happen to fit.

  5. I am late to the party as usual with this post. However this list is awesome!

    1. Thanks! And no worries, late comers always welcome!


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