Sunday, April 1, 2012

Slacker University

Crap! Someone else
already thought of
this! Ironic?
If only there was such a thing.  I would totally get in and would graduate top of my class.  I'm not sure how that would work though, because just applying to the school would show a lack of slackerocity and maybe keep you out.  Then again, the people running the school probably wouldn't even look to see who applied.  I'm going to have to think on this some more to figure it out.  I'll get back to you.

As for slacking, clearly I have been since I haven't posted in forever.  The Party actually asked me yesterday had I blocked him from receiving the blog email since he hadn't seen anything in awhile.  Like I would do it subtly and quietly if I blocked him.  Snort.

I have had to actually give some thought to real universities of late.  First of all, having to do it at all is ridiculous because it is just wrong that I have a child who drives a car and is looking into going to college.  Secondly, for those of you who don't know - college costs a freakin' boatload of money.  All of them.  It is just not right that the thought "that's not a bad price" comes to mind when you find a school that is "only" $35,000.  The bulk of them appear to be around 50k as if that is just a normal regular thing to charge people to pretend to make their kids smarter.

This is how I picture
my college
dollars being used.
Just to summarize for all of you who haven't been keeping up, here's where I car insurance has doubled so that I may have the privilege of allowing my child to risk his life and the lives of innocent citizens in the area.  Also, I am now going to have to pay a really lot of money to send my child somewhere where he will be unsupervised and no one will insist he go to class if he doesn't want to.  I can only imagine that this fee also includes the luxury of knowing that no one is going to check to see that he doesn't come home drunk or high.  Or if he even comes home at all.  That certainly seems like a good value.  Yes, I am sure part of that money is supposed to go to educate him so he can get a job, but not one single school offers any kind of warranty or money back guarantee.  WTF?  

I was just reading an article of what you should do to ensure you don't lose all your money when you win big in the lottery.  I'm pretty sure the fact that this article exists is reason enough to make sure your kid goes to college.  The article basically says hide your money in your mattress and don't spend it and don't tell anyone you have it.  And for God's sake don't give anyone any of it.  Thankfully (albeit surprisingly), it didn't advise taking your tuition money and buying lottery tickets with it.  

Nope.  Not Photoshopped.
It's an eat-you-in-your-sleep
real live rat.
I suppose more support for using our money to send the kids to college is this lady and her pet rodent.  Excuse me, I meant giant pet rodent.  This woman, Melanie Typaldos, obviously did not have the benefit of learning to socialize that one gets at college (or I imagine court-ordered community service after college "socializing" mishap).  She loves her capybara, Gary, so much that she pays an animal medium to help her communicate better with him.  Through the medium, our friend was able to find out that Gary felt a little weird about all her attention.  Not to be deterred, Melanie told him she'd like it if he slept in the bed with her.  I recommend watching the video in the article where you can see first-hand how that panned out.  

Do you think people know how alarming they are?  Of course we all feel way more normal after watching stuff like this, so I guess there is some redeeming value to it.  But still...if you want to sleep with a giant, people-sized rat, you should know that that is something you should just keep to yourself.  Really, you should just know.


  1. A year of "not so bad" college costs $13K more than my first house. Just saying. have a child almost old enough to go to college? No way!! You're not old enough.

  2. It's OK DTC. Focus on how much fun we will be having when they are at college. We can make moonshine in the backyard and sit on your porch and "peopelwatch". That won't cost us a penny. LG

  3. I completely and totally feel your pain. My son will be a senior next year and my daughter just got her learner's permit. The cost of insurance is insane.

    And college? I dealing with a very real and serious case of sticker shock. I knew that it was expensive, but this just boggles the mind!

  4. When I was pregnant with my first 3 years ago, my husband and I met with a financial planner to set up a college savings fund. What we could afford to contribute every month at the time (which somehow we're really stretching to do now--how does that work???) won't even pay for a full year of in-state tuition. I almost fell out of the chair. How in the world does anyone whose last name isn't Hilton or Vanderbilt pay for college these days?

    Good luck, DTC, and let us know when you've figured it all out!

  5. I hear ya. My son is a sophomore in college, and my daughter is just starting driver's ed. Not to mention my 3 adult step-children who always seem to need help! I would love to be an empty nester!

  6. College is crazy expensive! Even local community college. Every once in while I think about going back to school, but then I remember how much it costs. That's why almost every college grad is carrying around massive student loans.

  7. I am in my last semester of school, and the cost has been ridiculous. Look into any grants/scholarships you can. I am a poor, sad single mom, so here in OK, they practically threw money at me my last year. I know, weird. Anyway, my school is a 4 year university that costs approximately $6,000 - 10,000 a year for tuition, fees, and books. I'm not saying its a school for geniuses, but it will give me that stupid piece of paper that will help me get ahead.


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  9. Hollie - so glad they threw money at you! And way to go for going back to school. Any mom knows (especially a single one)that adding something like college to an already busy life is HARD!! Good for you!


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