Wednesday, March 21, 2012

It's Not Gambling If You Know You're Going To Win

This was not the actual slot
machine I was playing because
they freak out if you take pictures
in the casino.  I don't know why.
I have shared this with my real-life friends and family, but of course I have to share it with you as well...I won $400 this past Saturday night at the casino in Delaware Park.  If you add up everything I've won since 1988, when I turned 21 and was legally allowed inside casinos, I have won, in total, counting this win - $400.  I think I could have won more, but we ran out of time.  Having extra time is probably why I have only won $400 in 23 years.  We also only find ourselves in a casino about once a year, so that also limits my winning opportunities.

I totally had the magic touch.  We were only at the casino for about an hour, (a quick trip in after a dinner nearby) but I couldn't lose!  I put $20 into a $2 machine and won $144.  I cashed in (after dancing my winning ticket around Party and our family) and then took $20 and put into a $1 machine.  Bingo!  Two spins later, $211.  I cashed that in and gave The Party back the $100 (in big bill format) he was in the middle of losing at black jack.  This made him a little less frowny.

1.  Black jack is for suckers.  It takes forever to win any substantial amount of money; it's only a 1:1 or 1:1.5 win.  The real money is in slots and roulette.  Trust me.  
2.  The Party hoards any 50 or 100 bills he gets and always carries them with him in case he whisked away suddenly to Atlantic City or Las Vegas.  He informs me that you never know when this will happen.
3.  The Party really does not like to gamble and gets all frowny and rashy when he starts to lose.  Once this has happened he tries desperately to break even and then stops playing.  I am missing the fun to this approach.  You can't get rich that way.

Anyway - back to me.  Once The Party abandoned black jack, he went to the men's room before we left.  While I was waiting I decided I would take the six $1 bills I had and play them in the penny machine I was standing next to.  Normally, I scoff at penny machines, but whatever.  I put the $6 in and the machine kept going and going and giving free spins.  I am not sure what happened, but I won $111.06 (stupid pennies). You can see why this was my favorite casino trip - EVAH!!!!!

Unless you would rather eat a
salad (???),  you will have to deal
with the fact that meat
 is made from animals.
In other (clearly less interesting) news I thought I was going to have some gross alarming news about this Indiana woman who made an "unsettling find" when she bit into her chicken McNugget.  I'm thinking human finger nail or tooth or a whole bug or something.  No!  She found a tiny little pin feather!!!  What a big cheat of a story!!  Don't get me wrong, no one wants a feather in their nugget, but it's a chicken feather...and you're eating chicken!  She wasn't injured or anything, she's just carrying on like McDonald's was purposely trying to poison her.  I mean have we not all found a crab shell here and there in our crab cake or a little fish bone in our de-boned fish.  You say "yuck" and move on.  You know that now every freakin' box of McNuggets is gonna have a feather warning on it now, right?  

What else has been on my mind?  Oh yeah!  You know how Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are always in competition for who is more bat crap crazy.  Well, they don't even have a chance anymore!!  I don't want to get all political, but that Rick Santorum is totally getting crowned Bat Crap Crazy King.  I can't help but think that even if you are a somewhat conservative Republican, you want tell him to shut the F up already.  He ran out of women's rights to trample on and now he's looking to outlaw porn.  Not that porn has a ton of redeeming social value, but Rick seems to think that porn, abortion and gay marriage are really what's the problem in our country.  Hello!!!  Neither the economy nor national security if affected by that stuff and they seem to be what we should be most worried about.  After that, I'm going to throw in our need to get the health care thing sorted out.

I am pretty sure that next on Rick's list of got-to-go is going to be alcohol.  He'll probably try to run on the prohibition ticket.  I wonder what kind of Thank You basket Obama will send him.  PS - unlike my casino trip, which wasn't gambling, trying to take porn away from men is a little risky if you ask me.  I'm thinking your average heterosexual male doesn't really care about abortion or gay marriage; they say whatever they think they are supposed to, but it doesn't truly affect them personally.  I mean they care, but you know, they aren't leading the protests.  Take porn away and who will be left to vote for Rick?  I mean besides the pilgrims that he transport from back in time.  I can see Rick now, all dressed in a big black hat with a buckle on it spouting off the virtues of a good witch trial to get people back in line.

Not Fetching.
Toe hang-over
is a thumbs down.
Okay, enough time on Santorum, he's beyond ridiculous.  The other bit of ridiculous that's on my mind, is Jessica Simpson.  What is wrong with her?  I don't care that she has gotten really big while she's pregnant - happens to the best of us.  But why must she dress like she's a 5-foot-tall tiny girl.  It's not becoming.  In this picture (from In Touch magazine), her shoes don't even fit!  Her feet are hanging off the edges.  The cut of the dress is horrific.  And, she is either wearing no bra, or the worst bra ever.  Sheesh!!  Just dress like a normal pregnant person.  You are not doing yourself any favors.

Yeah, I know it's a little weird that Rick Santorum and Jessica Simpson are currently equally vexing to me right now.  I mean, I truly believe Santorum isn't going to get elected, but what's going to stop Jessica Simpson?  Nothing!  We don't get to vote on her.

I won $400
I love winning
Black jack is stupid
The Party hates to lose and hoards big bills
Rick Santorum defies explanation and is creepy
Jessica Simpson is a fashion disaster and no one will tell her
I won $400
I won $400


  1. I am not a fan of the casinos, probably because I don't like to lose money and I'm not very lucky to win. :) So you have now won about $400 more than me! WOOO HOOOOO!!
    When I was pregnant there was NO WAY I would wear anything taller than a flat shoe on my foot. What is up with her and her monster heels?! Do you want to fall on that baby?! She needs a smack.

    1. And a whistle... When I was prego, I fell in love with ballet flats, much to my husband's consternation. he thinks they look like little girl shoes. I have found that comfort trumps pretty on that front.

  2. I used to love going to casinos, those were the days when I could win, LOL. As for Rick Santorum, everytime I hear his name, it reminds me of the word sanitarium.

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