Thursday, March 15, 2012

Clowns To The Left Of Me, Jokers To The Right

As I have previously mentioned (time and again), I live smack in the middle of a freak show.  Party would insist I am the lead act, but au contraire mon frere.  I am surrounded by non-cooperative children and their non-coopertive leader, The Party.

There was somewhat less fire
at my house, but this is
generally how it went.
In my last post I told you I would explain to you why I wanted to strangle Party after the "We Should Eat More Healthy" speech I delivered.  Well, here I am to share my plight.  I will start by saying that all of us are somewhat picky eaters.  Sparing you details of that, I am slightly more willing to try things than the others (which is a drastic change from my child self as I am sure my mother will be popping in below to comment about).  So, when I try to cook something a little different, I usually don't stray too far from the familiar, or I sneak in stuff I don't mention.  As the kids are getting older, that is getting harder to do.  So, I decided that I would just tell everyone that we would be trying new things and they would have to try to get on board.

I explained how I wasn't planning on asking anyone to eat anything they'd hate.  I told them that anything I asked them to taste, they might not love, but they weren't going to be grossed out.  They would just have to trust me.  I went on to explain that we need to eat more (any) vegetables, and that some vegetables, such as spinach, might make a dish look different, but wouldn't really alter the taste too much (think enchiladas).  I stressed the need to be open-minded.  Using myself as an example,  I said that I didn't care for cooked mushrooms, but had, just that evening, tried them again when I sauteed them for Party (who sat happily eating them on his steak).  I said that I didn't mind them raw in a salad.

This is when things went amiss.  Up until then no one had said anything and the kids had kind of nodded and seemed to at least not be planning a mutiny.  Party then pipes in  "Uch!  Raw mushrooms are disgusting.  I hate them.  They taste like dirt".  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?!?  There are not even words to describe how incredulous I was.  Of course, that's all it took; the angry mob joined forces with their father and started listing all the things they were sure they weren't going to like and weren't planning to eat.  It went downhill from there.  SB was also quite put out that I had spoken so seriously and had acted like someone was sick or dying (hardly).

Whistle!!  And Smack!!  Now I see why The Party so vehemently opposed my getting a stun gun.  How am I supposed to work under these conditions?  Party doesn't like when my posts are too focused on him.  Really?  Try not torturing me and I will try to write less about you.  How about that?

This is the "after" picture of the
dog.  Not sure if it's the "before"
or "after" picture of the owner.
In other news which highlights things which defy words and understanding, we have English couple, Denise and David Smart (talk about misnamed).  These two have spent over $13,000 on plastic surgery.  FOR THEIR DOG.  At first I thought it was just an attention-grabbing headline because the story first says how the 5-year-old dog has a condition which makes excess skin grow over its eyes, so it needed to be removed.  Yeah well.  The dog was also given a full face lift and a tummy tuck.  

Is there really any way to respond when the owner gives the following statement:  
"It's taken years off him and he does look like a young man again," Denise Smart told the site. "Before the operation he was fed up and looked like a grumpy old man. Now he's more mobile and he's got a new lease on life."  
Let me help you.  The answer to that question is no, there is not.

In other headache-inducing news, this story's lead-off was "shocking new findings on condom use."  Guess what?  The findings?  Not so shocking.  Turns out that "improper use could contribute to unwanted pregnancy or STIs."  Well, that is certainly a head-scratcher.  You really wouldn't expect that kind of thing.  Oh wait.  Yes you would.  If you read the article, you will find out all the sorts of ways that condoms are clearly not idiot proof.  On the bright side, if you go back you will see that it says that improper use could cause unwanted pregnancies or STIs.  So then, I guess you can't have both mishaps at once.  That's good I guess.  And, in case you were wondering, an STI is a sexually transmitted infection.  I am not sure how that is different than an STD or if it's better or worse.  Overall, I would say you wouldn't want either.  That's just me though.

My bangs only
 look marginally better
than this.
In completely unrelated, but assuredly as fascinating news, I just wanted to update you on a personal matter.  I imagine many of you (or none) were wondering whatever happened with my bangs.  Long story short, my bangs are a jerk and they won.  I finally gave up growing them because they wouldn't stay out of my face, despite being plenty long.  I got them cut on an angle in hopes of making them look like they were staying to the side.  I have since "fixed" them a little myself so they would blend better with the rest of my hair.  Suffice it to say that if I cut any more in my blending attempt, my entire top of my hair will be "bangs."


  1. 1. I like your bangs.
    2. Anyone who ate peanut butter on Challah and called it Shabbat dinner can hardly point fingers.

    Just saying.

  2. I am crying with laughter at your fringe angst!

  3. I'm worried I'll have a mutiny on my hands in the future because my husband is the pickiest eater I know. Luckily my daughter isn't old enough to understand veggies can be "icky" so she just eats what I give her.

    Also, I got "Here For the Party" stuck in my head the other day and you give the song a whole new light.


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