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| I think I know just the holiday gift for The Party. |
Me: I don't know. Why would we?
Party: Who wouldn't want rubber dish washing gloves?
Me: I wasn't aware you wanted rubber gloves. You hadn't mentioned it in the last 20 years. Is this like the thing with the hand soap? I can get you gloves if you want them.
Party: No. I don't feel as strongly about the gloves as the hand soap.
I assume some of you are thinking to yourselves "What hand soap? I don't remember any hand soap." Don't worry, I will explain. Actually, I would love to explain because no one believes me when I say that The Party can be problematic. Honestly, he totally can. I mean he is all sorts of swell, but he makes it seem like I am always the problem, and that is just not the case.
Now, some of you may have heard this before, but I think you can use the refresher (to keep in mind the next time you take Party's side against me). Picture me minding my own business, hanging out in the kitchen. Party comes downstairs and starts on a rant, out of nowhere. Nowhere.
Party: And I can't stand the hand soap we have in our bathroom. I don't like the consistency and I hate how it smells. And you bought the biggest bottle ever and now we will never run out of it. I hate that soap.
Me: Um, we can get different soap. I didn't know you had a preference.
Party: And then that whole big bottle will go to waste? You're just going to throw it out?
Me: (surreptitiously hiding sharp objects while I speak softly) It was a $3.00 bottle of soap, I am happy to stop using it and buy you different soap.
Party gave me a distrustful, sideways look. Like I was lying or something. Anyway, you will be happy to know that no one was harmed during the hand soap incident and that Party has been enjoying his hand soaps from Bath & Body Works ever since.
PS - in case you were thinking that someone who enjoys pleasant smelling soaps would enjoy pleasant smelling candles, you would be wrong. Party only like smelly soap, not smelly candles. He hates smelly candles.
Please note that during both conversations I was calm, pleasant and agreeable. Not a problem at all, as some people would have you believe I am.
I assume some of you are thinking to yourselves "What hand soap? I don't remember any hand soap." Don't worry, I will explain. Actually, I would love to explain because no one believes me when I say that The Party can be problematic. Honestly, he totally can. I mean he is all sorts of swell, but he makes it seem like I am always the problem, and that is just not the case.
Now, some of you may have heard this before, but I think you can use the refresher (to keep in mind the next time you take Party's side against me). Picture me minding my own business, hanging out in the kitchen. Party comes downstairs and starts on a rant, out of nowhere. Nowhere.
Party: And I can't stand the hand soap we have in our bathroom. I don't like the consistency and I hate how it smells. And you bought the biggest bottle ever and now we will never run out of it. I hate that soap.
Me: Um, we can get different soap. I didn't know you had a preference.
Party: And then that whole big bottle will go to waste? You're just going to throw it out?
Me: (surreptitiously hiding sharp objects while I speak softly) It was a $3.00 bottle of soap, I am happy to stop using it and buy you different soap.
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| And make sure you get the regular soap, not the foam. We. don't. like. the. foam. |
Party gave me a distrustful, sideways look. Like I was lying or something. Anyway, you will be happy to know that no one was harmed during the hand soap incident and that Party has been enjoying his hand soaps from Bath & Body Works ever since.
PS - in case you were thinking that someone who enjoys pleasant smelling soaps would enjoy pleasant smelling candles, you would be wrong. Party only like smelly soap, not smelly candles. He hates smelly candles.
Please note that during both conversations I was calm, pleasant and agreeable. Not a problem at all, as some people would have you believe I am.
and yet 20 years later, still in love, regardless of soap, candles, gloves and often being pantless. a true testament that love conquers all. still hysterical, nonetheless. i like the gloves - a definite gift for this holiday! BC
ReplyDeleteI could get you some too if you like them so much. xo
DeleteSounds like something my husband would do. After several years of the same bar soap, he yells at me while I'm in the shower. He hates the soap. It smells funny, it feels funny, it aggravates his psoriasis. He hates the soap. But we have a Costco-sized package of it, so he's stuck and life is horrible and I never think about getting him something that he will like. And on and on and on and on.
ReplyDeleteNevermind that he's got a huge bottle of bodywash in there too. That he picked out.
Same goes for potato chips. He asks for 'something different. You don't have to always buy the same thing.' I buy something different. And get berated for not buying the same thing. Sigh.
I think you might be married to my husband. :)
DeleteYou fail to mention that he needs the gloves b/c HE washes the dishes. Yet another star in his crown. And don't even say differently. Every holiday dinner, Party is washing dishes. A KEEPER!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Mom
He washes them at holidays because I cook and set everything up! Other times, we both wash dishes. More me.
DeleteIs he paying you or something?!
Jealous!
DeleteFrankly, I don't get the gloves. What on earth are you doing that wearing rubber gloves that make your hands hot would be MORE comfortable then just washing dishes bare handed??
ReplyDeleteBut I totally get the out of the blue, for 20 years you haven't said boo about this and now it's all ME being crazy for not knowing?!?! Yeah, I got a keeper too but sometimes it's like "WHO are you?!" Good times, good times!
agree on the gloves!
Delete