Monday, October 8, 2012

And This Is Why I Don't Have A Dog

As I am sure most of you know by now, I am a ray of sunshine.  If you don't believe me, just click on the "Get to know DTC" tab above and you will see it says it right there.  I wouldn't make this kind of thing up.  Anyway, my sunshiny-ness was put to the test today.  Early in the morning.  Before I had any coffee or breakfast.

Even though I too
look this sophisticated
in my pjs, I thought
it best to change.
SB and Boy and The Party had all left the house by about 7am.  As I am gathering my thoughts and deciding what my day will look like, the phone rings.  It is my friend Amy's son (on behalf of himself and his twin brother).  These boys are seniors in HS, like Boy, and are very good friends of his. These are great kids and I am always happy to do anything for them.  Except I'd be happier later in the day.

Twin 1 says that Amy is already gone and that he and Twin 2 overslept and missed the bus and would I be able to drive them to school.  This is totally not like these guys and I know they must be feeling panicked.  I tell them not to worry and that I will be right there.  Because I don't want to horrify anyone who is not my own child, I put on real pants instead of picking them up in my pajamas (see, sunshine).

As we are driving to school I have the sinking sensation that there is no way the dogs got taken out for a walk.  I could say nothing, because it's not really my problem, but that doesn't seem right.  I am supposed to be the adult.  So, I say "What about the dogs?  Did the dogs go out?"  The boys look at each other and I can tell the panic might be back.  "No.  They didn't." one of them says.  Now I know there is no way either of them is going to ask me, but we all know the dogs need to go out.

I say I will take the dogs out.  People seem relieved.  I ask for the garage code and where the leashes are.  I ask are the dogs going to be freaked out when I come in to walk them since they don't really know me and no one else will be in the house.  Twin 1 says "Uh, maybe.  A little."  I rephrase, "Will either dog be trying to chew my arm off?"  "Oh!  No!  Definitely not."  Okay, we're making progress.  

I get in the house and both dogs come running towards me and let me pet them.  These are kind of small dogs, so the fact that they are jumping around isn't too alarming.  It's not like they can hurt me or reach anything higher than my shin.  (I had to ask, but they are a cockapoo and a yorkie poo)  The bigger dog runs right for the front door and lets me get his leash on.  The smaller dog, the one that I could just put in my pocket, stands back and keeps moving away.  Are you kidding me?!?!

This is what a
successful, happy dog
walker looks like.
While I am trying to catch Pocket, the good dog is really trying to go outside.  I don't want an accident, so I open the door and tie Good Dog to the chair outside.  I go back in to try to wrangle Pocket.  I go left, Pocket goes right.  Pocket then runs out the door, sans leash.  I am forced to walk Good Dog only a little ways on either side of the house because I have to keep Pocket in my sights.  Thankfully, Good Dog does not poop, because there is no chance I am picking up poop.  None.  You may as well call the plastic bags that people use "poop condoms."  You aren't actually touching the poop, but it's gonna feel pretty much the same.  No thank you.  Pass.

I get Pocket to follow us back to the front door and I attempt to enter the house.  I say attempt, because you know I freakin' locked us out.  There is actually a key (my friend Amy is so smart) attached to the leash, but I can't seem to get it to work (Really??? Are you kidding me?).  Luckily, I got us all in through the garage.

Good Dog on left.  Pocket on
right.  Pocket seems cute enough,
but he's a little bit evil.
Did I mention it was cold this morning?  Besides the allergy situation at my house, this is one of the reasons I don't have a dog.  I don't want to go outside in yucky, rainy or cold weather and walk a dog.  And, you can't really get a dog to cooperate the way you might a child.  There was no point at me yelling at or threatening Pocket.  All I could do was use my "nice" voice and try to coax him.  Another thing, it's hard to catch a dog. Kids are way easier to catch, at least until they're about 10 or so.

So, based on my benevolence this morning, I am pretty sure I have some karma points I can bank for a later date.  I'm sure I won't need them, but it never hurts to be safe.

***To see what's going on in the pig world, you can read my newest post at Babble Pets.***


  1. Replies
    1. xo
      But, where's the part where you have sympathy for me?

  2. I have tons of sympathy. Getting ready to dog-sit for a friend. Old Dog is going deaf and blind and was testy BEFORE. Can't wait to get near his still-sharp teeth to snap a leash on the little cuss. The second pooch is an adorable Little Bit but can run like the wind. Hoo boy.

    1. thank you for your sympathy and good luck! Hope you end up with the same number of fingers you start with.

  3. You are a good friend. If only you could be so successful with plants. Then you'd be all that and a bag of chips. I would even hire you.
    Totally agree about the plastic bag!! Eeeewwww!

  4. Very funny! Here's a tip in case you are ever called back for doggie "doody"! Put a newspaper under the pooch as he is about to poop. This way, when he has finished, all you need to do is lift the paper up and place that in the bag. Voila - no poop comes in contact with your hand!

  5. Now I know that I can call you for dog sitting duty when I am FORCED to go to Long Island to a family's ridiculous BBQ wedding reception in lieu of going where I really should have been - celebrating with you and everyone else this weekend.....and, for mine, you just open the back door and tell her to, "go potty" yes - she really does respond to that! :) She is pretty easy - and leave the poop - I have teenagers for that crap. (see what I did there! BAHAHAHAH)

    1. That was very funny, however, still no. If your entire family is in the hospital in a coma, then maybe. But mostly no. xo

  6. My dog has the fenced backyard too, so I'm not worried about a "poop condom" which I think is a GENIUS name for it, cuz you're so right. However the newspaper trick is great - if it doesn't freak your dog out that you're messing with his behind while he's *ahem* busy. lol That's all I need, for the dog to scoot away and thus I'm chasing poop with a newspaper. How's THAT for a visual?! I crack myself up. And yes, I too have kids for the weekly Scooping and lol'd at steffihope's comment. Awesome!
    All that and YES, DTC, you are an AWESOME friend. So nice to not only take boys to school but also walk dogs. When can you move my way?!?! :)

    1. you crack yourself up? I crack MYSELF up! No wonder we like each other. :)

    2. Jolie - Yes, some dogs might freak out, but once they assume the position, you quickly place the paper under them and they should be good to "go". There isn't much time to "waste" though or it kind of defeats the purpose of having the paper in the first place. Also, try to match the size of the paper to the size of the dog. You don't want to be coming at a dog like Pocket with the entire sports section - then, yeah, it probably isn't going to work. I walk my neighbor's dog and it works like a charm!

  7. If dogs are so smart, why doesn't someone teach them to pick up their own poop and carry it home in a bag?

  8. I used to have a cockapoo and a maltipoo, and can tell you for certainty that any 'poo' dog is a pain in the ass. Sometimes they just choose not to show it.

    ...seniors in HS and they're completely scatterbrained? So sad.

  9. No better friend in the world! And everybody survived the trauma--kids, dogs, and most impressively DTC! XO


Popular Posts