For Those Of You Who Read A Book Instead

I don't even know what
she's supposed to be doing.
And why do those stilt
guys have umbrellas?

 The Grammy Awards were last night.  Overall, I think the show was pretty entertaining.  It moved along at a good pace and didn't waste too much time actually presenting that many awards.  I feel like maybe they awarded 10 the whole night.  I'm sure it was more, but the focus didn't seem to be on handing out statues on TV.  I assume this is because watching someone else win an award and give an awkward speech isn't all that entertaining.  (PS - this is not an actual fact, but I bet 90% of the Grammy awards were awarded prior to the actual telecast.  Perhaps they are giving too many awards if they can't fit them all on to a 4-hour show).

There was a lot of Facebook hate for Taylor Swift and her opening number.  Settle down people.  She's not that troubling.  A little saccharine, but she's harmless.  Taylor, Justin Bieber, One Direction, Carly Rae Jepson...all entertaining to the teen/tween set (and way better than Kesha if you ask me).  In my opinion, however, they fall into the "Entertainer" category, not the "Musician" category.  That said, Taylor looked a lot more animated singing along with the other acts from her seat than she did on stage.  And, I don't know what was up with the acid trip-inspired all white circus entourage around her.

I am telling you, from the front,
every time she jumped, you
could see actual boob.  But, no
nipple, so I guess that was okay.

Even if you are not a Bruno Mars fan, you have to give him credit.  He can actually sing and he did a bang up job performing - 3 years in a row.  This year's Bruno performance was introduced as an ode to reggae/Bob Marley.  He sang "Locked out of Heaven," which totally sounds like a Police song.  Bam!  Out comes Sting to sing with him.  Turns out, Sting's music was reggae-inspired.  Who knew?  (Some of you might have, I hadn't ever given it any thought).  Anyway, the whole thing then segued into a Bob Marley song with lots of other singers (including some other Marleys).  They did a great job, but I really could only focus on the fact that it really looked like Rhianna's boobs were unquestionably popping out of the bottom of her shirt.

Speaking of boobage, it turns out that the Grammys had a dress code.  "Don't come naked and make sure your nipples are in your dress" was the main rule.  You would think that would go without saying, but apparently not.  The night was considered a success because it was a "no nipple" night.  It was, however, okay to wear a giant dress that lit up and did weird arty things.

It's not even a cool head
band.  And in front of
him was a screen with
Forrest Gump running
legs.  Why? Why
would you do that?

The non-successful part of the evening?  Frank Ocean, who so should have picked a different song, wearing a Forrest Gump headband and giving a weird, bring-the-fun-and-momentum-to-a-screaming-halt performance.  Also, I'm only giving a C+ to LL's finale.  I think he should have done a medley of all the songs people like.  And, he usually performs in way less clothing than that.

Summary
1.  If you didn't watch, you missed a few good performances, but your life will probably go on without any adverse effects.
2.  Justin Timberlake now has straight hair and I bet he had a keratin treatment, which I think seems a little girly.  I don't know why, it just does.
3.  I love Adam Levine, but he should not have sung with Alicia Keys.
4.  Tim McGraw's hat was too big and cast a shadow over his whole face.  He looked like a caricature of a bad guy.
5.  Prince is now blind and robs houses -but still adds flair to his outfits.
6.  Very awesome Levon Helm (The Band) tribute - they did The Weight.

I think you are all caught up.  If you are planning on missing the Oscars, however, you're on your own.  I never think they are interesting enough to watch and they always insist on doing an interpretive dance rendition of all the movie nominations, which makes my eyes bleed.