Why Do I Always Have To Be The Normal One?

I couldn't find
any baby shampoo
ads with
adults in them.
Go figure.

We have another incident similar to the rubber gloves and hand soap incidents.  If you don't know/recall to what I am referring, you can read up on it here.  This time it involved shampoo.

The Party:  How come you never buy baby shampoo?
Me:  Because we don't have any babies.  Is this a trick question?
Party:  I love baby shampoo.
Me:  Why do you love baby shampoo?
Party:  Because it makes your hair soft and shiny and smell like babies.

As you know, there is really nothing I can say to this.  If he had mentioned any time in the last 10-12 years since I stopped buying baby shampoo that he wanted some, I would have bought it.  Further, he does have a car and access to money, so he could have made the purchase himself at any time.  I also am not sure why he wants his hair to smell like babies since he can't smell his own hair.  If he likes the smell, you would think he'd want me to use baby shampoo.

They plan to get married?  I
guess so!  She hasn't really
left herself too many
other choices, has she?

I will say that Party seems waaaaayyyyy  more normal when compared to the guy who just tattooed his name across his new girlfriend's face.  The only person more ridiculous than this guy is the girl who let him do it.  It takes up her whole face!  WTF!?  Did I mention they had just met in person after starting a relationship on line?  Hey kids - this is why it's bad to do drugs!!  Honestly, why didn't she just tattoo across her forehead "I hope to be permanently unemployed?"  Someone needs to take away this guy's tattoo equipment.  Oh - and PS - he didn't even spell his own name right!  Double whistle.  And smack in the back of the head. 

In unrelated, but exciting news...Boy got his first letter from college today!  He got into University of Connecticut.  I was all happy for him, then it hit me.  I am the mother of someone who just go into college.  That is just so wrong.  I mean I just was in college like five minutes ago!  Aaaahhhhhhh!  I would show you a picture of the letter, but it looks like someone chewed on it.  No, it didn't get mangled in the mail.  Boy is completely unable to open an envelope like a regular person.  Picture a puppy (paws, no fingers) trying to open a sealed envelope.  Whatever you are picturing looks less mangled than what Boy does to envelopes.  As a result, things inside said envelopes also get roughed up.  Thank God the colleges are not aware of his disability; this would totally weigh against him.

Did You Guys Hear it's 2013?

Chinese New Year is not
until next week, so I am
actually early for wishing you
Happy New Year.

I am figuring by now most of you know, but just in case...it's 2013.  It's also already February!  Do you guys even remember me anymore?  I'm the one with the whistle (but still no stun gun, which is total bullshit).  January was a little crazy, but I'm back.

So, here's where I've been...my poor mother (you remember her; you've seen her down in the comments as my personal heckler/fan) was supposed to have her hip replaced.  While waiting, her own hip broke!  Insert new hip, everyone is happy.  Buzzzzzz.  There is an infection.  Out comes new hip and in goes a spacer.  You can only be partial weight bearing with that - so walker and no driving for Sue.  Oh yeah, at-home IV for 6 weeks to clear up the infection.  So after 3+ plus weeks of the hospital and rehab, my mom finally came home and is feeling more like herself, albeit having to make a lot of accommodations.  She's been quite a good sport about the whole thing, which is pretty impressive (I would NOT be a good sport).

This is how my mother will have
to shovel this winter.  

And, now I am back to DTC.  I am also still writing for Babble Pets.  I have avoided being fired since October, so I'm feeling pretty good about that.  I recently did a hard-hitting piece on how animals are causing unemployment.  It's really a wonder CNN hasn't come looking for me as some kind of special correspondent.

In case I was worried that Boy and SB were overly upset by our stressful month, our exchange, recounted below, shows that I needn't have worried.  Their main worry was who would get what car in the hypothetical situation - that won't happen for at least a year and half!

Boy drives a 2006 Accord.  This is the car that The Party replaced when he got a new car about a year ago.  Please note that this car belongs to us and is no way the property of Boy (please remind Boy of that if you see him).  I tell you what kind of car it is so you can see this is not a crappy junker.  It's a perfectly nice car and Boy has been grateful to have it to drive.

Next year Boy will not take this car to college.  Next spring SB will be able to get her driver's license and will have this car to drive.  The following fall (of 2014!) we would have to decide if Boy could take car to school and if we would purchase another used car for SB to use.  Are you with me so far?  I have no idea how this will pan out.  Many factors to consider, most especially, the cost.  I have no intention of thinking about this at all until sometime next spring or summer.

My refusal to make any kind of decision is infuriating to my children who need this matter settled immediately - on principle.  Boy feels any car purchased that is nicer or newer than what he drives now should go to him due to him being the older child.  He feels it would be completely outrageous for us to consider giving SB a "better" car than he has.  Essentially, on seniority alone, he should have the "better" car.  SB cannot believe he would think something so ridiculous.  She feels that he cannot expect to always get the "better" anything just because he is older.  Further, Boy only got a once "recycled" car, if we give it to her, it would be "more recycled." 

OMG - how perfect would
this be?!  It's a stun gun
brass knuckles combo!

After several more minutes (that I will never get back) of this hypothetical conversation, SB tells Boy that he is really bad at understanding anyone else's point of view.  She then looks at me and says "It is not fair that I am forced to live in a society where I have to live in a house with all first-borns."  Really!?!?  I told SB that I did not believe this was actually a societal problem, but more of a personal problem.  I then suggested she start a support group with her Aunt and Uncle.

And this is why I need a whistle and a stun gun.  And a drink.