Nature

That looks tranquil and
 peaceful, but just wait a
minute, you'll see.

I know we are all supposed to love nature and appreciate all the beautiful flora and fauna, and I do.  But...I have to say, Nature is a little bit noisy sometimes.  Like early in the morning, before I am ready to get up.  There are all kinds of birds outside chirping and singing and contacting one another.  I especially enjoy the woodpecker who stops and starts at differing intervals so you can never just relegate the pecking into the background noise category.


Then we have the wasps or hornets or bees or whatever exactly they are.  These things are like ninjas at my house.  They build hives all over the place and they pop up overnight.  But, unlike the birds, there is something I can do about these suckers.  I spray 'em!!  I love me some Hot Shot.  I am sure it's hideous for the environment, but I don't care.  I am extra careful with my recycling so that I keep in balance my personal level of messing with the planet.  And trust me, Mother Nature is not shedding a tear for these jerks.  You can rest assured that MN sees these guys as rebel insurgents.  She meant for them to pollinate stuff, not piss people off.


But back to the Hot Shot.  The Party lists this as another reason he thinks there is something "mentally wrong" with me.  Once again though, he is just not looking at things the right way.  You are supposed to wait until dusk to spray the hives.  No thank you.  The wasps are bothering me now - in the day.  Plus, and here's where the fun comes in, when you spray it during the day, the wasps that are hovering around go crazy and then fall to the ground.  Party says I should not leave them there because birds will eat them and get poisoned (that sounds like a bird problem, not a Donkey problem).  The birds will be fine - why are they eating stuff with stingers anyway? I leave the wasps there as a lesson to the other wasps who come home and see there was a problem.  It invites them to leave before it's too late.  I am actually being humane in that respect.

See, they're jerks, just
like the wasps.

You already know how I feel about stinkbugs.  Despite their grossness, at least they don't sting and bite.  No, that's left to our "friends" the mosquitoes.  If there is a mosquito anywhere within 5 miles of me, I will have a mosquito bite.  Actually, I will have 50 mosquito bites.  The Party will have zero.  He will even go so far as to insist that I am imagining my welty itchy bug bites since he doesn't have any.  Please.  I can't help it if Nature knows he's bitter, like a pill.  And PS, how is it I did all the work of making two people, from scratch, and Party doesn't he even take one for the team by being designated mosquito bait?  I am definitely writing in to someone about this.


I want you to know that I truly do appreciate that I live somewhere where there are lots of trees and flowers and such.  It's nice to walk or drive around and have pretty things to look at, but, I just think the environment could try to be a little kinder to us.  I mean we are always being told to be kind to the environment, why doesn't it have to reciprocate?  For example, I will stop spraying Hot Shot if Mother Nature stops sending wasps.  See, compromise, everyone would be happy.