Let Me Get You Up To Speed

There continues to be all sorts of awful and crazy going on around the world.  Here in the United States, however, things are pretty slow.  There are the same problems, both social and political that we have always had, but compared to Japan or Libya they seem kind of snore-y, so no one is writing about them.


But we don't want to just ignore our country and it's issues, so I have compiled a list for you so you don't have to scrounge around to find out what you need to know.


1.  Women are annoyed by other women who are constantly posting on Facebook about how perfect their life is, how great their relationship is or how super their kids are.  No one really believes them.  Next on the annoying list is people whose status updates are complaints or unsolicited political points of view.

This is the real Miley.
There were no dolls
left to photograph.

2.  In Massachusetts, a junior prom was cut short and kids sent home when a number of students became ill and 911 had to be called.  Seems quite a few kids ate a bad batch of pot brownies before they showed up at the prom.  This is now the second story like this I've heard.  I am not sure why pot brownies would make you sick, but it appears they can.  I guess the message here is that kids should not try to be creative and should instead just smoke the pot??


3.  There is now a Miley Cyrus sex doll that sold out within 48 hours of being launched.  It's called "Finally Mylie."  Note the different spelling used, I guess to protect the makers from being sued.  This has such a giant yuck/sort-of-pedophile factor that I think I would rather get sick from eating the pot brownies than think about this.  Giant Ewwww.

There was a bigger picture of
Wendy's feet, but it was too
gross.  That bump is supposedly
a corn.  On top like that? Ick.

4.  Wendy Williams, amazon woman of radio and TV, is on Dancing With The Stars.  She has showed us a picture of her boobs and her feet.  The former I assume was so we'd have something non-gross to look at after looking at the latter.  Why couldn't she have just told us all the dancing was tearing up her feet?  We would have believed her without the picture.


5.  Charlie Sheen's one man show is so far a bust.  He is saying there are some bugs to be worked out.  Sure are.  I say get rid of him and our "bug" is gone.


6.  Genie Francis, beloved Laura Webber Spencer from General Hospital, is *gasp* switching shows and going to The Young and The Restless.  I haven't watched GH since high school, but everyone knows Laura belongs in Port Charles.  Interestingly, Robert Scorpio (Tristin Rogers) already defected.  I wonder if the characters will seem to know each other, but just not be sure why.

If you see any of these in your
yard, watch out for incoming
parachuters.

7.  There is international butterfly poaching/collecting going on.  No really.  Rich collectors go so far as to hire people to parachute onto remote South Pacific Islands to catch rare species (how do they get the people out - parachuting is one way).  There are poachers all over Central Asia.  Is there someone trying to stop people from collecting butterflies that I am unaware of?  There are even rumored vaults in Japan (they don't have enough problems) of rare species of butterflies essentially being saved for when that species becomes extinct, because the ones in the vault will then be worth more money.



Okay, you are now basically caught up and have enough information to make sparkling dinner or cocktail conversation.  You should feel free to embellish any of these stories as you see fit if it will get more people to pay attention to you.